Like always, I'm not sure how to start. That seems to be fairly prevalent in many parts of my life. Those that know me have a hard time believing that I'm actually shy, but I am. Or at least I'm shy until after the first the ice has been broken, and not always then. I'm one of those people who you see at the party who is kind of hanging to himself (that is if I don't already know anyone there). Oddly, I wasn't always this way. For a brief period when I was much younger I wasn't shy and I could just walk up to people and start a conversation. I don't feel able to do that now. Yeah, it's all a mind game I'm sure but for a lack of a better phrase, I have no opening lines when it comes to meeting people. I don't mean cheap pick up lines, but just simple phrases to start a conversation.
The thing is I find myself getting more and more insular as time goes on. For instance, I have to make myself leave my apartment on days that I don't have to work. And it seems that I'm pretty ok with sitting in here by myself not talking to anyone. But I know that I should leave and get out among people (even if I don't really talk to them), just for some sort of human contact.
It makes me wonder if I need to start talking to a professional about it, or is it just the way I am. To a degree I think I've always sort of been a loner. And I think I've always been aware of this. But there are times when I'm lonely and would like to be in the company of others. I'm not sure what that is, perhaps I just want companionship of some sort.
Anyway. Enough of that. My last Christmas package got here yesterday with a pleasant surprise. Hutch and Hilt got me a Holga camera, so now I have a new toy to play around with. I started playing with it today, but it's a film camera so I need to shoot off the roll tomorrow so I can get it processed.
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