It's that time of night where the generic Ambien kicks in and I get this sort of light headed tired feeling. My doctor told me that Ambien acts a hypnotic, I can fee that it put me in a certain state. A state almost like being drunk without being drunk. My motor skills aren't quite what they were a half an hour ago. And there are some perceptual shifts around here. Curves that weren't there seen to show up and the floor seems to develop when I'm walking around the apartment. There are times I consider taking maybe one more than I should just to see what would happen. Of course it would have to be when I'm not working the next day. It could be interesting.
For the first time in a long time I did manage to get the phone number of a woman this weekend, which I think means I'm taking my small baby steps and getting back in the game. And I think tomorrow is the day I'm supposed to call her. It's been so many years, I can't remember the rules of the game.
The one thing is, if I am starting to date again, I need to be careful. There is a list of red flags that I've come up with. I'm not so sure how serious some of them are, but some of them are hard and fast. I'm not really going to outline them here, other than sanity is high on the list. No longer do I want to be around people who are not sane. Perhaps thats unfair, because all but one maybe two were clinically sane. But I guess crazy takes various forms.
And I'm still looking for a plant to put up in here. And hang those damn photos that are haunting me.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
The revolution skipped a beat or two
It seems that when I make a trip to the video store, I almost always end up with either a documentary or some form of Japanese animation to watch.
Tonight I watched The Weather Underground. I've always been curious about this group, although I'm not really sure why. It was an interesting documentary, though. Mostly told from the point of view from some of the radicals themselves with a bit of one of the FBI agents that tracked them thrown in for balance. The thing that struck me is that these people believed that the revolution was right around the corner. I can't really say that I've ever thought that in my life. Or at least not that there would be some radical overall of the current system like these folks believed. Perhaps I just grew up in an age that was more cynical, or perhaps the repression that these people spoke about was/is true.
There was a time in Indiana that I did believe that the Indiana and the midwest in general was going to revolutionize music. This was right after Seattle broke and there were just so many good bands in the midwest playing all kinds of music. That never really happened but damn it felt like it was just around the corner. And I'm not the only one who thought that. Over the years I've talked to people from back there who felt the same. We were young and naive back then. What none of us realized is that for a area to take off musically it needs to be near a coast. And the closest coast to Indiana is the Third Coast. Admittedly, Chicago has alway had a thriving scene (and I'm not saying that midwest cities don't) but the hotbeds for music labels seem to be on the main coasts or slightly inland.
Or I could be old and jaded.
Tonight I watched The Weather Underground. I've always been curious about this group, although I'm not really sure why. It was an interesting documentary, though. Mostly told from the point of view from some of the radicals themselves with a bit of one of the FBI agents that tracked them thrown in for balance. The thing that struck me is that these people believed that the revolution was right around the corner. I can't really say that I've ever thought that in my life. Or at least not that there would be some radical overall of the current system like these folks believed. Perhaps I just grew up in an age that was more cynical, or perhaps the repression that these people spoke about was/is true.
There was a time in Indiana that I did believe that the Indiana and the midwest in general was going to revolutionize music. This was right after Seattle broke and there were just so many good bands in the midwest playing all kinds of music. That never really happened but damn it felt like it was just around the corner. And I'm not the only one who thought that. Over the years I've talked to people from back there who felt the same. We were young and naive back then. What none of us realized is that for a area to take off musically it needs to be near a coast. And the closest coast to Indiana is the Third Coast. Admittedly, Chicago has alway had a thriving scene (and I'm not saying that midwest cities don't) but the hotbeds for music labels seem to be on the main coasts or slightly inland.
Or I could be old and jaded.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
That pile in my kitchen
Well, I'm finally in my new place with just me and my computers. The apartment still looks a little sparse as I haven't framed and hung any photos but I have a few in mind. And the corner in the kitchen has boxes of Cd's, records and god knows what else. That's OK I remembered that I can stow stuff under my bed again. Plus if nothing else there is actually a lot of storage space (which right now is filled with mostly empty boxes that I keep telling myself will come in handy the next time I move somewhere (which could be a matter of months or longer).
Looking at all of my stuff piled haphazardly in boxes, I realized this time before I put those boxes bad on the shelf I really need to go through them. The truth is most of the items fall into just a few categories. I think the biggest category would probably be various forms of correspondence I've received over the years. There are letters from people I vaguely remember, there are letters and cards from relative who've since passed on (one Granny in particular). Friends who were writing me back after I'd written then a drunken letter (I've always been more of a drunken writer as opposed to a drunk dialer. And I need to go through those letters, not so much to get rid of them but perhaps to organize them.
Another category is the trinkets and toys that people have given me (and I've bought for myself) over the years. An example is the little green alien statue that always seems to end up on my bookshelf at some point or in a plant. Of which I haven't picked any up yet. I need to get at least one.
And then there is the truly random crap that I can never seem to part with. Like the notebook from college that I just can seem to part with. Or the miniature stuffed skunk named Buster. Stuff like that. And I'm of course the dork who is sitting in front of two very old computers. One for Internet and one for photos and music.
It"s getting there.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
That box of photos
Unpacking can sometimes be as tedious as moving for me sometimes. Hell, most of the time I never fully unpack. I just leave most of the stuff in the boxes I put them in and drag them from city to city. At some point I should really go through those boxes and see how much of that stuff I really need to keep. A lot of it is old letters from people either long forgotten or dead, so I hold onto it. But it could be consolidated.
At some point I acquired a scanner. Since I don't have an Internet connection at home right now (come on Saturday!), I spent part of the last two evening going through old photos and scanning some of them in. It seems I take better pictures when I use digital, either that or my skills have progressed more. That and my old film camera was a point and shoot. It is good for what it does but my digital cameras have been much more flexible.
Sorry I got sidetracked there. My point actually was that going back through those old photos always triggers a flood of memories. There's pictures of all the dogs in my life, former roommates, friends from long ago and at least one former girlfriend that I still miss sometimes (at least a lot more than the others). I'm not sure if I'd really want to relive those years again but sometimes I think those times were better than now. Of course, we always remember the past probably better that it really was. But I look at the few photos of me from back then and I'm smiling. And it doesn't seem to be forced like it is now. Maybe in a way I was more innocent or at least less jaded.
Nonetheless, I can't go back to those years even if I wanted to and I am better off now than I was then. But I still want a piece of that guy back.
At some point I acquired a scanner. Since I don't have an Internet connection at home right now (come on Saturday!), I spent part of the last two evening going through old photos and scanning some of them in. It seems I take better pictures when I use digital, either that or my skills have progressed more. That and my old film camera was a point and shoot. It is good for what it does but my digital cameras have been much more flexible.
Sorry I got sidetracked there. My point actually was that going back through those old photos always triggers a flood of memories. There's pictures of all the dogs in my life, former roommates, friends from long ago and at least one former girlfriend that I still miss sometimes (at least a lot more than the others). I'm not sure if I'd really want to relive those years again but sometimes I think those times were better than now. Of course, we always remember the past probably better that it really was. But I look at the few photos of me from back then and I'm smiling. And it doesn't seem to be forced like it is now. Maybe in a way I was more innocent or at least less jaded.
Nonetheless, I can't go back to those years even if I wanted to and I am better off now than I was then. But I still want a piece of that guy back.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Some song about a bird that's free
Soon I'll truly be living by myself. No ex girlfriend's stuff to look at. No needy cats. Just my little place which is basically going to be a room as it's an one bath studio. But I get a balcony and I can have plants again.
Actually, having plants again is a big bonus and that may be one of the first things I buy for the place. That and a trash can, plate, bowl and a set of flatware. Maybe I should get two of each (well not the trash can). As some can attest, when I lived up in Steamboat I had some really nice plants that I gave away. The good news is someone up there has started clipping from my old plants. So in a way I'll be getting them back. At least genetically.
It is a really small place, the truth is I haven't seen it yet but it's in the same complex so I know it will be clean when I move in. The management company seems to do a pretty good job of getting places ready for the next tenants.
Some folks at work are trying to get me to have a house warming party, but I seriously think that only six people or so could be there at a time. So maybe I'll have my house warming party at the bar down the street. That could be fun. And one guy ask if he could bring a plant. Of course. He can bring the plant to the bar.
One of the strong pulls I have about going to Indiana is that there is a much longer growing season and the earth was make for growing plants. I'm lucky that my parents have a big enough spread that if nothing else I could have a small portion to start a garden. I'd have to start with the simple hardy stuff. And maybe some daisies and columbines if I can get them to grow there.
A few nights back, I was telling some lady about how I'm moving back. When she asked why, I started talking about the earth there. The earth and the soil and how the land of that place gets inside you and never leaves. Or at least some of us.
I'll talk to friends who escaped Indiana, and many of them want to return at some point. Mostly the ones who grew up in the Indy area. We seem to be feeling that pull as we get older. It was probably inevitable. And my friends who are staying where they are still live some where they could have nice garden if they wanted to. Maybe there is something to soil in Indiana.
And if anyone in Colorado Springs reads this and wants to help move a couple of boxes this weekend let me know. I'll get a round at the Point when we're done.
Actually, having plants again is a big bonus and that may be one of the first things I buy for the place. That and a trash can, plate, bowl and a set of flatware. Maybe I should get two of each (well not the trash can). As some can attest, when I lived up in Steamboat I had some really nice plants that I gave away. The good news is someone up there has started clipping from my old plants. So in a way I'll be getting them back. At least genetically.
It is a really small place, the truth is I haven't seen it yet but it's in the same complex so I know it will be clean when I move in. The management company seems to do a pretty good job of getting places ready for the next tenants.
Some folks at work are trying to get me to have a house warming party, but I seriously think that only six people or so could be there at a time. So maybe I'll have my house warming party at the bar down the street. That could be fun. And one guy ask if he could bring a plant. Of course. He can bring the plant to the bar.
One of the strong pulls I have about going to Indiana is that there is a much longer growing season and the earth was make for growing plants. I'm lucky that my parents have a big enough spread that if nothing else I could have a small portion to start a garden. I'd have to start with the simple hardy stuff. And maybe some daisies and columbines if I can get them to grow there.
A few nights back, I was telling some lady about how I'm moving back. When she asked why, I started talking about the earth there. The earth and the soil and how the land of that place gets inside you and never leaves. Or at least some of us.
I'll talk to friends who escaped Indiana, and many of them want to return at some point. Mostly the ones who grew up in the Indy area. We seem to be feeling that pull as we get older. It was probably inevitable. And my friends who are staying where they are still live some where they could have nice garden if they wanted to. Maybe there is something to soil in Indiana.
And if anyone in Colorado Springs reads this and wants to help move a couple of boxes this weekend let me know. I'll get a round at the Point when we're done.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Running out boxes
Moving sucks. Right now it beats the alternative, and I'm only moving one building over but it still sucks. Tonight I boxed up most of my book and have come to the conclusion that I'm due to have another bookshelf. Seeing how I haven't actually seen my new place, I think I may just end up with stacks on thee floor. It'll be like living in a bookstore, all I'll need is a cat.
Perhaps it's not the moving so much as the packing before moving, It didn't take that long to box up the box. But I stopped and thought to myself, "well this is going to screw up my system". Not that I have much of system other than trying to keep books by the same author together. And sometime try to shoot for a bit on genre continuity.
But then I hit myself with authors like Kurt Vonnegut (RIP), some his stuff could sort of go in SciFi but he never really wrote SciFi. Yeah some of his stuff was set in SciFi worlds and situation but I would never classify him as SciFi. He wrote like a grumpy man that told stories of horrible things happening to people and yet there was a strong sense of hope underneath it. Like the man said (I don't know which man) his (Vonnegut's) stories were sugar pills with bitter coatings.
Being that I am a geek, my SciFi collection has grown exponentially over the last year or so. I started by picking up some of the classics that I read back in middleschool and high school. Like Isaac Assimov, Arthur C. Clarke, A Canticle for Lebinwitz and other stuff like that. Then I moved into Neal Stephenson who writes some amazing stories and has moved onto volumes of historical fiction.
Which I guess means most of these last few guys will end up close by each other on the shelf. And then there's all the other stuff.
And I haven't even started looking at the CDs and vinyl. You may find me trying to sell some of that stuff off on either craigslist or ebay.com. Music is the worst to try to organize for me. I can never think of were to put things. Like should Bob Mould solo stuff/Sugar go next to the Hüsker Dü? Or should Hüsker Dü go closer to Fugazi and Sonic Youth?
And this is why I hate packing.
Perhaps it's not the moving so much as the packing before moving, It didn't take that long to box up the box. But I stopped and thought to myself, "well this is going to screw up my system". Not that I have much of system other than trying to keep books by the same author together. And sometime try to shoot for a bit on genre continuity.
But then I hit myself with authors like Kurt Vonnegut (RIP), some his stuff could sort of go in SciFi but he never really wrote SciFi. Yeah some of his stuff was set in SciFi worlds and situation but I would never classify him as SciFi. He wrote like a grumpy man that told stories of horrible things happening to people and yet there was a strong sense of hope underneath it. Like the man said (I don't know which man) his (Vonnegut's) stories were sugar pills with bitter coatings.
Being that I am a geek, my SciFi collection has grown exponentially over the last year or so. I started by picking up some of the classics that I read back in middleschool and high school. Like Isaac Assimov, Arthur C. Clarke, A Canticle for Lebinwitz and other stuff like that. Then I moved into Neal Stephenson who writes some amazing stories and has moved onto volumes of historical fiction.
Which I guess means most of these last few guys will end up close by each other on the shelf. And then there's all the other stuff.
And I haven't even started looking at the CDs and vinyl. You may find me trying to sell some of that stuff off on either craigslist or ebay.com. Music is the worst to try to organize for me. I can never think of were to put things. Like should Bob Mould solo stuff/Sugar go next to the Hüsker Dü? Or should Hüsker Dü go closer to Fugazi and Sonic Youth?
And this is why I hate packing.
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