Tuesday, January 31, 2006

This is the time I should go to bed.

Today I sat down and talked to my boss about my impending move. Even though it's a long tome off I figured it would be good to give her a heads up. Plus to see if she would be willing to speak for me in an attempted to work for the same company down there. As it stands, I could probably stay with the same company, the store I work in is has the highest sales of any in the company. So that's a plus.

As I said it's still a long way off it doesn't hurt to start putting out feelers. Other than certain customers and types of customers, I generally like my job (although I do hate answering the phone but I've always been like that). I find it fairly rewarding and the pay is good. It seems I've actually learned a few things working there. I'm not sure how those lessons will pay off but I'm sure they will.

So when I'm down there on a weekday in a couple of weeks, I guess I should make my presence and intentions known. It be cool if I could have something lined up months ahead of time.

Monday, January 30, 2006

A few things...I've been out


new tattoo
Originally uploaded by surly monkey.
I realize I haven't put anything up here in a fairly long time. Oops. It's been a bit busy here in my little world. Plus, I think I've been running out of ideas here lately.

That right there is my new tattoo or to be more precise a cover up of my old one. That alien needed to go as it was pretty washed out anyway. It's pretty new and is just now starting to itch but at least this time it didn't all bleed out in the first twelve hours. Phrank got me started on a good routine to take care of it this weekend. Of course, her metheod is to point to the bathroom and say go wash and mosturize it. Hey, it works.

Of course I'm a pansy and passed out after a few minutes into getting it done. It seems when anything involving needles and that leg in particular, I pass out. I remember early in high school, I was hit in that shin with a skateboard. When they went to stitch me up I wanted to watch and ended up passing out then too. Same with the first tattoo on that leg. But when I got stitches by my eyebrow I didn't pass out. I'm going to have to get one done in a different location and see if it happens again.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Another bout...

My pale attempt to go to bed early was defeated by an overactive brain. Mine to be precise. I haven't had a bout of insomnia in a long time so it kind of took me by surprise. When it does happen there is nothing I can do about it, generally I get up and sit in front of the computer or in last nights case read some of the book I've been working on. If I lay there, the thoughts just keep running through my head and I can't stop them. While laying there, my mind will consider every possible permutation of the future, past and present it can come up with. What's even worse is that it's aspects that I've never considered at other times. Or things memories from the past that I didn't remember until that night.

For a long time I drank almost every night to keep the insomnia away. At some point, I realized I generally didn't need to do that and stopped. Most nights I sleep fine. But every once in a while it hits again. And invariably, it's a night before I have to wake up very early for me. Actually it's been that way for a long time. I think it could be the anticipation of having to wake up at such an ungodly hour (for me). I've never been a could early riser. To be able to function at work, I need to be up for two hours before I go in. Of course at the gas station, I could roll out of bed, shower and just go. Keep in mind there was an unlimited amount of coffee to drink and a Denver Post to read.

Anytime a night like that happens to me I get a bit concerned it could be just the first of many sleepless nights coming on. Admittedly, it's a rather irrational fear but a real one nonetheless. But there have been weeks to months on end where I've managed to get just a few hours of sleep a night if that. And one night of it always makes me wonder what's next. Having said that, as exhausted as I feel, I imagine that I'll sleep pretty well tonight.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Night off

I'm going to bed. Here's something that'll put you to sleep.

Thinking about leaving and it's too damn cold here anyway

So I'm beginning to prepare for the upcoming move. As I'm still not sure exactly when I'm going to actually move, it's still a matter of putting feelers out there and see what is available concerning living arrangements and employment. It seems that rents down there are far cheaper than here. I've yet to see a one bedroom apartment going for much more than what I'm paying for my room here. Employment seems to be all over the map. In that world, I'm not exactly sure what I'm qualified for and I'll just have to pound the pavement when I get there.

Historically, I've never really had that hard of a time finding work that provided me with enough money to survive on. It'd be nice to find something that pays a little more than that. That's the one thing about leaving here, after ten years in this town I've found something that I'm actually able to have a bit left over after the bills are paid. But that's ok, I've wanted to leave here for a long time and now I know where I want to go.

If I knew the definition of irony, I'd say my destination is a bit ironic as at one point I sort of swore I'd never step foot in that town and now I'm planning on moving there. Never say never, I guess. Of course, the more time I spend there, I realize that my first impression eight or how may ever years ago was totally biased and I wasn't even ready to think about leaving Steamboat then. Now I can't wait to get out.

That's not to say I won't miss this place and the people I call my friends. Those that I consider my friends I will sorely miss. And I'll miss the view. This place is always going to be here and some of those people will always be here as well. As long as I'm still close, I can always come back up.

The more I think about leaving here, the more excited I get. I'll be closer to Phrank, there are places that never close and I'll be much closer to Denver so I can go see more shows and other stuff. And for the first time in a long time, I'll be where barely anyone knows me. That's kind of neat in a way.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Shutdown

As much I like to think that I've improved the way I deal with the world around me, sometimes it becomes apparent that I still have a lot of work left. Admittedly, we are all works in progress and each of us have things to make better about ourselves. Today I discovered I still have something to work on that I thought was behind me.

At times when I'm confronted with a flood of emotions or thoughts, my brain just shuts down and I can't verbalize what's going on in my head. And instead of just saying that is what is going on, I'll pretend that there is nothing wrong. When in fact, my face will betray the opposite. I'd like to think that I'm rational and emotions don't affect me but the truth is I'm just as human as the next person. I just have a hard time identifying what it is that I'm feeling that shuts me down. Surely, this shutdown is a survival mechanism, something I picked up most likely as a child that provided some sort of refuge at the time. Seemingly, I didn't completely out grow it.

What's even more disturbing to me is that I don't even realize what's happening until afterwards. After that portion of my brain starts to function again it dawns on me that I have just gone through a shutdown. Although, before I would never even realize that much. I'd just be left to wonder why the person I would be around was so irritated with me and what it was that I had done. At least now I can recognize what happened. Which is a start of sorts, I guess.

As to how to work on this, I'm not sure how to go about it. It doesn't happen that often now (which I guess is some progress) but when it does, it sucks. There is a way I'm sure of working it out. Maybe pen and paper (or ones and zeros) would help.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Friends, everybody's got them...Part 2

As much as I can be a bad friend, I've been blessed with friends who understand or are at least used to my flakiness. Which is good because I am if nothing else a flake at times. Luckily, the large majority of my longterm friends aren't beholden to the darkside like I wrote about last night.

Over the years, I've had the advantage of making friends with people who challenge and inspire me. There are quite a few that I couldn't imagine going through life without knowing. These people have influenced the way I look and listen to the world around me. They've exposed me to things (music, literature, art, etc.) that I would have never found on my own. Our conversations, whether it be the state of the world or deconstructing episodes of The Simpson's have almost always been interesting to say the least. These are the friends that make me look at myself and wonder what am I doing with myself. Yeah, they may be working mundane jobs like the rest of us but there's stuff they're doing when they aren't working that just blows me away. The ones that I want to see or hear the finished product of their labors when it's done.

These are the one's that have kept me on track over the years. They're the ones that never let me go fully to the darkside. The ones that didn't let the crazies and fakers come between us. These people are the ones who, in my darkest hours sat next to me and reminded me that this was the worst it would get and things would get better. And things did get better. Quickly, sometimes.

I'm grateful for these people that I call my friends. I wouldn't be who I am without them. Hell, I might not even be here without them.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Friends, everybody's got them...

Sometimes I can be a bad friend. The skills of keeping in touch have eluded me over the years. So when I hear from someone I haven't talked to in a while, I'm a bit surprised. The thing about it is, with most people we can pick up where we left off. Most of the time that is. There are those few that it seems that something has changed. Whether it's me or them, I'm not sure. I suspect much of the time it's me as I feel I'm not completely the same person I was even five years ago.

Yes, this husk of a body is the same, older but the same one. But my outlook and attitude are different now or at least it seems that way to me. The darkside that used to be everpresent has shifted to the background. After I learned that it was a choice, I chose not focus on the dark stuff as much. It's still there and I still find myself struggling with it occasionally but nowhere to the extent as before.

The thing is, there are still those from the past who are still thriving on that darkside. And at the time we connected it was based on commiseration with that side. Now however it's hard for me to hang with it. I don't really want to encourage the rising of the darkside in my own life. Acknowledging it is one thing, returning to it is something completely different. I have no desire to go back to those days. As far as I'm concerned they are behind me, I don't have to live like that anymore.

I'm torn. I know that to be a good friend you are supposed to stick with people through good and bad. But if there is never any good in their lives, I wonder if it's still worth it. If the darkside is all they can live for, what's one to do? I can't in good conscience encourage it. I know what kind of damage it causes and over the years I've been shown that there is a way out of it.

That's not to say I'm not a cynic. There are plenty of days I'm surprised I lived this long, surviving a death that was not of my own hand. Hell, when I was a kid I thought the world would end in a nuclear holocaust before I was 25. I'm still surprised sometimes that never happened. But that's just cynicism and there is a difference a cynic and a pessimist.

Nothing about something


alex
Originally uploaded by surly monkey.
One thing that doesn't happen often at work are the strange headscratching moments. Back at the gas station moments like that weren't that uncommen. Strange stories would unfold in front of me at times. I think it happened for the first time at copy shop. As a couple was leaving, one of our regulars passed them by on the way in. She asked us who they were and then proceeded to tell us something odd. Apparantly the women had disappeared from her family in Park City six years ago. The family had never heard from her since. And she had left them with the guy she was with. Strange.

That was the kind of strangeness that would happen at the gas station. There was a day that some mother and daughter got in a fight and the mother decided to walk back to Oak Creek. It seems that the woman would have been rather damaged by this walk perhaps fatally. Thankfully there was sheriff's deputy there that went out and pick the woman up. A year later the daughter called me an asshole because she couldn't use a credit card for lottery tickets. Sweet!

I'm destined to either have or witness odd encounters. And that's ok with me.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Freemasons run the country

As much as I'd like to think that I got over my paranoia at some point it just isn't true. I still find it conspiracy theories intriguing and entertaining. Any mention of the Freemasons, Illuminati or associated groups and symbols instantly turns my head. Admittedly, I've let go of the idea that I was being watched and targeted. There is still a sense that we are all being monitored, which in this day and age is seemingly plausible. The difference now is I don't allow myself to indulge in those speculations like I did. I live a rather mundane life. If there are actually are people watching me I hope they brought a pillow, because they need more sleep than me.

The thing about conspiracy theories is that they can map out the levels of certain powers above us mere citizens. Coming to the understanding that there is an immense, hidden plot that targets all of humanity (or at least the US) is strangely reassuring to one who is paranoid. Or at least makes sense. It helps explain why the world can seem so fucked up. It can seem to absolve one of responsibility for those around them because in this prism, everyone is screwed eventually.

Even to this day, I find cues that can lead me down the road to make ties to this overworld I was obsessed with for way too long. In the back of my head I still carry the strong suspicion that there are those that are pulling strings behind the faces of power. But there is not a damned thing I could do about it anyway.

I'm sure those years spent in the depths of believing that dark forces were right behind me was supposed to teach me some kind of lesson. What this lesson was supposed to be, I'm not sure. Maybe looking at the big picture is not always the best way to look at the world. Sometimes the picture can get just too big. I'm not sure. Perhaps, the lessons I learned are subtle enough that I can't name them.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Off weekend spent at work...

This was the first weekend in four weeks that I have spent the entire weekend here in Steamboat. Thankfully, I had to work (I can't believe I just wrote that) both days. But it kept my mind off where I would rather have been.

Of course work was relatively slow and I'm glad because I'm still fighting this freaking cold thing. I think the whole town is sick. Almost everyone I run into has the sniffles or sneezes. Thanks to all of the out of town visitors that brought their infections with them. I've never noticed the pattern before but after the holidays it seems this entire town comes down with a cold of sorts. My only hope is that with all the various virii that are floating around here, it helps boost our collective immune systems. Here's to hope.

And of course it's snowing off and on tonight which makes me really want to go up on the hill tomorrow. I know I should just stay in bed and try to fight this but the call is very strong. I'm just going to call the report and give myself an inch of new threshold (of course, I haven't decided on what the threshold is going to be).

Being the first weekend not spent with Phrank, I think I did ok on the whole not being horribly mopey thing. This is not to say that I didn't miss being with her. Far from it. But between being sick, working and performing my duty as designated driver I was able to not dwell on it as much as I would have if those distractions weren't there. But I missed her head nestled on that one spot on my shoulder among other things.

Quick retrieval

Thank you. You, the complete and utter stranger that turned in my missing iPod on Friday. I'm not sure where you found it but I have an idea or two. All I know is that when I got home from the mountain and it wasn't in my pocket. I hope whatever you lost turned up.

That little episode help restore a bit of my faith in humanity. I like to think I'd do the same thing. Actually I know I would. Five dollars on the side of the road is one thing but something like that needs to find it's owner. That's just how it should work. Apparently the person who found it felt the same way. I'm gratified to know that there are good people out there.

Either that or my music was just something they didn't want.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Time to watch Akira

After being cooped up in this trailer for two days, I think I'm starting to go a bit stir crazy. My balance is off, I keep coming close to falling down on the floor (and not on purpose this time). I feel healthy enough that I'm going to have to get out tomorrow. Plus it's my Sunday.

Phrank has been extra good to me in the last couple of days. Even though she's 220 miles away she's been calling and checking up on me, giving me cold remedies and making me rest. Actually, she ordered me to stay in bed on the first day of this sickness. I can only imagine what it would be like if I lived within five miles. The thing is, in all the other relationships I've had, no one else has ever given a rat's ass that I was sick. And all of these girls were in the same town as me (if not the same house). The fact that she's shown more concern about my wellbeing from so far away just makes me feel that much luckier to have her.

Just a little over a month ago, I would have never guessed that I'd feel this way about someone. Maybe there was a slight inkling there due to the emails back and forth but I really don't think so. I'd have never imagined that after all of my recent failed attempts at dating that it could be this good.

Phrank digs the fact that I'm a geek. My geek light can shine bright around her, she may call me a dork or a geek but I know that it is a term of endearment coming from her. Not only that but she's just as bad as I am. She is the first woman I've ever been with that actually enjoys hanging out in an arcade playing video games and skeeball. Her knowledge and analysis of Star Trek TNG astounds me. I'm glad it's fictional because she would leave me for Data in a New York minute.

There is very little that we could say to each other that would offend. Being that we are both sarcastic and smartasses, there seems to be very little in the way of touchy subjects. I don't need to censor myself with her and she with me. Hell, she probably knows things about me already that no one else even knows.

After all of these years, I've finally got what I deserve and it's a good thing.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Bedrest and Clint

I woke up feeling like utter crap today. Sore throat, fever and associated aches. For the first time in close to five years I took a sick day. Under orders from Phrank, I tried to stay in bed as much as I could. After bed rest, Tylenol and pumping various vitamins and minerals down my throat, I think I'm feeling better. Thankfully I'm scheduled to have the next two days off so I can rest more. I'd guess all the running around and late bedtimes finally caught up with me.

I did finally watch Pale Rider in it's entirety without commercial interruption for the first time ever. I'd forgotten what a great movie it really is. I've always been a fan of the Clint Eastwood westerns I've seen. I'm of the age where there were still a lot of westerns on TV when I was younger, even on broadcast TV. At the time westerns did really catch my eye. Now I suspect it was because they were to black and white (pardon the pun). The Clint Eastwood westerns aren't so cut and dry, there is ambiguities in the characters. The so-called good guys have a dark side in these (and there can be sympathetic villains or at least villains who discover a change of heard). Which I suspect is closer to real life. His last western Unforgiven is a prime example of this. Of course I'm not saying anything new here, this point has been brought up numerous times in the past by people other than myself.

Movies that have that touch of ambiguity to it intrigue me. Personally, I can relate to a tarnished hero or protaganist more than a completely pure character. As much as I like seeing explosions, action movies tend to annoy me some. Mostly because the hero is generally flawless or his flaws consist of neglecting his loved ones. But when the character has internal demons as well as outside forces to battle, well that just makes it more interesting I think.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Freaking computers

Goddamned technology is getting me again. In addition to the iPod and iTunes mystery, now my external USB CD burner won't work from iTunes. It seems to work from other software. I'm freaking confused.

Actually, I think it has to due with this computer. As far as computers go it's starting to get a bit outdated but I don't have the money to buy a new one. And I'd really like a newer one.

The plus side is that my geekery may have finally begun to pay off. Last night at work some guy was in and looking for a new Mac consultant. Apparently the one in town charges $95 an hour, and this fellow just thought that was a bit much. After he told me what he needed done I mentioned that I could probably do that and I'd only charge him $30 an hour. Perhaps being a geek will finally pay off. The truth is I don't mind doing geeky things for my friends. I'd never expect them to pay me (well I'd totally charge the creepy next door neighbor but he's not a friend).

I wonder if I know enough to get paid on a regular basis for it.

scratchy

The worst part of getting sick is the when you realized you may be getting sick. Tonight I can feel it coming on. At first I thought it was just from smoking too many cigarettes but I think it may be a little more than that. The beginning is the worst because you know it's coming and there is very little you can do about it. Tea and salt water gargle. Maybe a hot toddy if I could remember how to make one and had a lemon.

And of course it comes a day before my midweek weekend. Which I was hoping to spend on the mountain.

Oh well, I'll just to have to suck it up and tell my body that I'm not allowed to get sick. I'm not sure if that always works but I know sometimes it does. I'd thought I'd already had my cold weather sickness out of the way for the winter, so maybe this one will pass rather quickly. Maybe it is just irritation from smoking, or perhaps it's from that almond I choked on earlier tonight.

Whatever, it'll pass. But once again it makes me reconsider my smoking.

And I'm sick of the cold...sorta

I think my boss is trying to keep me here in Steamboat. I just got another raise which makes this job by far the highest paying legitimate job I've ever had. Hell, I think it pays better than any illegitimate job I've ever had when you factor in the risk. Which sort of sucks, because I'm intent on leaving this town for the city (which one? good question). But I guess it's providing some experience and may allow me to save a little more money for when I do move.

Don't get me wrong. I do love this town, it is the most beautiful place I've ever lived. I must like it if I've spent slightly over a decade here. But the time is coming for me to move on. I need some stimuli that I can't get here. The idea that there are places to hang out in at night that aren't bars excites me. Even if it is Denny's or a bowling alley that the lanes aren't entirely taken up by leagues on most nights.

I don't want to have to drive three and a half hours through nasty weather and traffic to go see shows and buy pants that fit. Or see any movie in a theater that doesn't make my back scream in pain after an hour.

There is very little that is keeping me here other than the scary prospect on moving to a new place. And my debts that I'd like to whittle down before I leave. Yes, the mountain has it's pull but even now it's not a strong enough pull. That's the thing about this place, it will always be here and I can come back to visit even ten years from now and there will be people I know still here.

It's time to start thinking about moving on.

Monday, January 09, 2006

The cure all...

It's cold enough tonight that the condensation is almost freezing to the windows again. Being January, I should expect it and I'm not going to leave the house for any reason so it doesn't really bother me.

Tonight, I got some new snowboard boots. After ten years or so of riding I'm finally getting to product test something. Sweet. Brand new boots that I don't have to pay for, it's a good thing. I'll probably have to go up tomorrow just to try them out. I tried them on tonight and they are rather comfy. Anything has to be better than the ones I've been using lately. The heels just started ripping out on them and I was starting to think about what kind of duct tape configuration would be needed to sustain them.

When Paradox and I lived together, he would have this ritual of duct taping his boot liners every morning before we went riding. If I remember right the liners were so split up that it was the only way to keep them intact.

Snowboarding and duct tape seem to go together quite well. In the past I've duct taped various articles of outerwear, binding baseplates and boots just to get that last amount of wear out of them. And for the most part it has worked. Although that reminds me that I need to tape my pants up again.

Of course snowboarding gear isn't the only thing that I've fixed with duct tape. Hell, I fixed the radiator on the truck with duct tape. It never leaked again after that even after the tape itself fell off.

I'm not sure what it is about duct tape that makes it the perfect material to fix things. Although I don't recommend it's use as a packing tape. It seems the only thing it doesn't work on is cardboard.

Damn, I wish it would work on software.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Phrank, the Borg and two lavender robots

This weekend marked the fourth weekend in a row with Phrank. It's hard to imagine what I did on the weekends before I started driving down to Colorado Springs to be with her. Although knowing how I am, I probably didn't do much other than go, mess around on the computer and sleep.

One cool thing about Phrank and this thing that we have is that it doesn't take much for us to have a good time. It seems just the fact that we're together lends itself to that. Whether it be stomping around Garden of the God's, driving up into the mountains, playing video games at the arcade in Manitou Springs (which I suspect we'll going back to some, we are both geeks you know) or just walking around Walmart.

Phrank and I are good for each other, we help bring things out in each other that neither of us knew we had. We talk and listen to each other. For two self-proclaimed social dorks, we have a really good basis of communication, neither of us will let the other get away with evasive conversation tactics for very long. We fit together well.

Until today, we had let Sundays become pretty pathetically sad. We would wake up and in a few hours the realization would hit that I had to come back to Steamboat. Leading up to today we decided that this needed to stop as it was dragging us down and basically ruining the day. Today we slept in (sorta), Phrank made breakfast (she makes a mean Cheddar garlic biscuit among other things), showered and left the house for most of the day. It didn't even hit us even up to the point that I dropped her off at an engagement she had. A quick goodbye and I was on the road. And you know, it's much better that way.

And no, Phrank, I didn't lose my second lavender (glossy) robot.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Grrr...technology

Technology has gotten the best of me tonight. Sam downloaded a bunch of songs off the iTunes store to put on his iPod, as he had a fifty dollar gift card there. After he imported them onto his iPod he discovered that they wouldn't play. Crap. And I can't figure out why. The only think I can think of is it has something to do with my iPod now being authorized on my computer. I am at a total loss. I tried to do the old work around by burning it to CD but iTunes doesn't like my CD burner all of a sudden.

As geeky as I may be, technology drives me apeshit sometimes. I like trying to solve problems but when I'm stumped it just pisses me off. I know there is a way around this but I just can't figure it out, at least tonight. Actually, if any of you Mac users out there have some suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

I'm going to give up on this problem for the night. There is too many other things to do and I have to get up early.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Hold them close

The first winter that I lived here in Steamboat my grandmother in Indiana died (it's hard to believe it was eleven years ago). As the time passed I think I miss her even more. I still have all the letters she wrote me while I lived out here. Several times a year I'll go and shoot the shotgun I inherited from here and when I pull the trigger I think of what kind of badass she must have been. There are times when I wish I could call her up and get her opinion on things (she wasn't one to hold back what she thought either).

During the Great Depression, her and my grandfather lived down in Divide Colorado on a ranch. I don't have her memoirs near me to check the on details but somewhere I have a photo that they had taken one day in Colorado Springs. They were so young and it was such a hard time but they look happy in the photo.

Granny was an amazing woman. A fearless woman I suspect. She was on one of the first girls high school basketball teams in Indiana. She insisted on traveling and I hold her responsible for the travel bug that myself and my two siblings share (even though I haven't exercised it so much lately). If there was hunting, butchering or what not to be done she wasn't hesitant to do it. And she made some mean egg noodles.

Such a power she had that she haunted the car my brother inherited from her. To this day if I see a Chevy Celebrity, I think of her.

When she would meet the friends we had, she never judged them and in fact she loved them. I remember the joy that some of them would bring her.

I can only hope that she would be proud of me and if not at least happy for me.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

My life in film...

Sometimes I have this ongoing movie in my head. It isn't a whole movie per se but a jumble of scenes that don't really tie together. Or at least I don't think they tie together. Usually it's some snippet from my life that I wish I had some kind of recording device at the time to document it. The thing is, my life probably isn't really that anymore exciting than the next person (on that note I'm surprised so many of you come back on a daily basis, so thanks for that). But there are moments when I've seen some strange and crazy things. For instance, in all my years of working in gas stations, I remember only one set of items in a single transaction. It was a half gallon of milk, a roll of film and a box of condoms (oddly enough the guy came in the next day with his wife and kids). To this day I still ponder that combination.

If I were forced to write a movie about my life, I'm not sure how I would go about it. A key moment in film is where the protagonist has some kind of brilliant revelation. Mine have been on the slow quiet side. They few times I've been put to any kind of survival test have been rather pathetic. I really don't think fending off drunks at a conveince store really counts (plus Kevin Smith beat me to most of it years ago). Or having to extricate myself out of a tree I managed to land in, although said tree did stop me from falling on a cliff. I've never been put in those life or death situations that lead to really good stories. Or if I have, I've forgotten (go figure).

Any movie based on my quiet life would be overly dependent on dialogue, as most of the important parts have been conversations. Although, I'd need some good exterior shots for the bitching soundtrack. And a cool scene of the Surly Mayfly wiping around on mountain roads on snow and ice. Because that car rocks for a Honda.

Either that or I could make the greatest, cheesist action movie of all time where the bad guys are aliens and the Illuminati.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

New toys...

Thanks to Hutch and my mother, I now have a really nice iPod. And I can't keep my grubby little fingers off it. Today for the first time ever, I went snowboarding and listened to music. While doing this I discovered I seem to go a little faster and jump a bit more (not to mention fall). At first, my balance was a bit off but I figured it out. At first glance it seems that heavier music is better for riding. So tonight I made a playlist for riding. I'm going to have to go up just to try it out tomorrow.

I tend to listen to mellower music most of the time. My guess is that it's part of the whole getting older thing. Not being the angry kid I was even a few years back probably has a bit to do with it. But there are times when I just want to rock. Even then it's not the same things I was rocking to back in the day. Well some of the same things. However long gone are the days when the only things I'd listen to are punk and metal. I'd like to think I'm all over the board with the exception of modern country (geez, I hate that stuff).

Of course now with this new toy, I'll probably be buying way too much new (and new to me) music. There goes my moving budget.

No surly, no pump, still a monkey

It's true, I am no longer the surly monkey. Nor are there any pumps near by. My surliness as been on a slow decline for months now, ever since I left the gas station. And after meeting the lovely Phrank, pretty much all of the surliness has completely disapated. That just really cemented this disapation.

I'm not changing the name though, I like it. There are still moments where I feel a touch surly. Nothing like the days of answering stupid questions and hearing people bitch about the price of gas. Now it's mostly when people are overly condescending or needy to me. I stil have a hard time holding customers hands (figurativally) as I expect a higher level of knowledge and curiousity from the current crop of customers I deal with on a daily basis.

I won't deny that my outlook has improved in the last matter of months or so. Those of you that have been following this thing here have probably noticed. Getting out of the gas station racket was probably one of the best things I could have done for myself in a long time. Now if I could just stop dealing with the public altogether I'd be set.

Yeah, I may not be surly but the name is staying.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Up all night...

I'm making an attempt to go to bed earlier. I'm not sure if it'll work but I really need to do it. This isn't the first time I've mentioned it but the late nights are really starting to catch up with me. Today I was completely worthless at work. I easily could have got keyboard forehead if it weren't for the coffee (which finally worked by two).

By habit, I'm a night owl. I do like staying up late, I'll admit it. There is something about the night that keeps me up. I'm not exactly sure what it is. Maybe it goes back to working the graveyard shift but I'd think I've recovered from that as it's been close to a decade since I've worked that shift. Of course, more recently I worked until midnight or later. I can't remember the last time I went to bed before midnight. It has probably been years.

I'm torn, my increasing exhaustion dictates that I should go to bed earlier but I can't bring myself to get there as early as I should. It's an ongoing struggle. Maybe somewhere in the back of my head I think I'm going to miss something if I go to bed too early. Or perhaps I'm just still scared of the dark.

No wrecks and dry roads...

There is still residual caffeine in my system from my drive back up here tonight. Like I've said before, the drive back to Steamboat from Phrank's can seem really long. As far as the drive goes, I pretty much have it down to a science. But the thinking is what makes it long. I'm left to myself for almost the whole time and I mull over what has passed. Although Phrank will call at some point to keep me company until the signal drops or I need to concentrate on driving (I can't talk on the phone and drive in bad conditions). I welcome her calls, I like her checking up and making sure I'm still good to drive.

Surprise or not, being there on New Year's was most excellent. I continued my tradition of not drinking on New Year's eve (oddly I can't remember how or when I started this tradition but it's been a few years). Which came in quite handy as Phrank is sober. I accompanied her to this big shindig that she helped organized. A shindig of sober drunks. It was pretty cool being there, witnessing and interacting with this important part of her life. Finally being able to put faces to names was an added bonus.

I'm a lucky or blessed man to have met Phrank. This thing that we have between us feels like nothing before it. I never knew her before she became who she is now but who she is kicks ass.