Sometimes I surprise myself. For New Year's Eve, I had this awesome plan to surprise Phrank. As recently as Wednesday I was sure I was going to be staying in Steamboat for the weekend. At the time we had agreed to be on the phone at midnight that night. Then after she hinted to a hope of a John Hughes type New Year's Eve, I devised my plan. I was going to go to the Springs, surprise her at midnight and give her a kiss, four hour drive be damned. It was all worked out, thanks to Google and Google Maps I knew exactly where she would be (or so I thought) at midnight. I'd show up when she went outside to call me and ask her why she was calling when I was standing in front of her.
Alas, when I was trying to pin down where she really would be at midnight, I couldn't get a definite answer. So I had to spill the beans. Needless to say she was surprised, perhaps dismayed (in a good way).
I can't really explain why or how I wanted to do this, other than I want to be there with her to ring in the new year instead of on the phone. It just seemed like a good idea to me, something I wanted to do for her and to see her smile (it just makes me melt). Apparently I'm a goddamned sap. I didn't even know until a month ago.
If I haven't completely fallen, I'm at least halfway to the ground.
Friday, December 30, 2005
The monkey on my back
I'm a junkie. I'm addicted to cigarettes, well nicotine to be precise. This morning I still haven't had my fix and there is a general fuzziness to the day. If I delay it long enough at times there is a bit of a buzz.
I don't like smoking that much, it makes me smell and I spend way too much money on it. Plus, it's killing me faster than life itself. Smoking has a bunch of little rituals associated with it that may be harder to break than the physical addiction. Going outside during a break and having one. There are situations that I tell myself I need one after whatever it is happens. When I drink, I smoke (thankfully, I've cut back on that one). Coffee and a smoke.
Even writing this I had to stop and go have one. And I can feel the changes in my brain. I hadn't had one in almost twelve hours (well I did sleep).
The thing is, if there were a safe way to ingest nicotine, I'd do it. There was the possibility of nicotine enhanced water but the FDA canned it. But I'm to the point where I see smoking for what it is and feel what the damage it is causing me. I'm in the beginning stages of wanting to quit. I've never tried to quit before and after reading up on it, I see I'll need some kind of maintenance program for a while.
I don't know when I'm going to start quitting but I think I need to prepare myself for it. Maybe I should call that number that is always on TV.
I don't like smoking that much, it makes me smell and I spend way too much money on it. Plus, it's killing me faster than life itself. Smoking has a bunch of little rituals associated with it that may be harder to break than the physical addiction. Going outside during a break and having one. There are situations that I tell myself I need one after whatever it is happens. When I drink, I smoke (thankfully, I've cut back on that one). Coffee and a smoke.
Even writing this I had to stop and go have one. And I can feel the changes in my brain. I hadn't had one in almost twelve hours (well I did sleep).
The thing is, if there were a safe way to ingest nicotine, I'd do it. There was the possibility of nicotine enhanced water but the FDA canned it. But I'm to the point where I see smoking for what it is and feel what the damage it is causing me. I'm in the beginning stages of wanting to quit. I've never tried to quit before and after reading up on it, I see I'll need some kind of maintenance program for a while.
I don't know when I'm going to start quitting but I think I need to prepare myself for it. Maybe I should call that number that is always on TV.
sliding up
In less than 48 hours this year will end, just as they do every year around this time. I've always seemed to mark the passing of the year around Halloween. Something about the fall just seems like when the year slides into the next one. I'm sure there were a few cultures that marked it at that time.
I'd make a list of the past year but I'm feeling way to lazy. It was another interesting year to say the least.
I think I'll just look forward to the next one.
I'd make a list of the past year but I'm feeling way to lazy. It was another interesting year to say the least.
I think I'll just look forward to the next one.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Ones and Zeros
Apparently what jadedness and cynicism I had seems to have disappeared. Amazing what a month or two can do for ones outlook. Actually, that's not entirely true as I'm still pretty cynical over the general state of affairs in the outside world. Death and mayhem is still a constant in large parts of this sphere we call home. But the personal cynicism I felt just three months ago has seemingly left. Thanks Phrank, how the hell am I ever going to get in touch with my inner George Carlin now?
Those people were right, the moment I gave up, I suddenly found myself enthralled with someone who seems to be the raddest woman/girl I've ever been with.
I've flipped from a cranky, jaded fellow to a sappy fool. And I like every minute of it.
The idea of trusting someone again is not as daunting as I thought it would be. In fact it seems a lot easier than I remember. Maybe it's the whole Internet thing. I believe that neither one of us ever even considered misrepresenting ourselves before we met. Hell, I'm not sure but I don't think either of us expected this to happen.
So here's to myspace that allowed two people to meet that would have never met in meatspace. And to Phrank, thanks for letting me in.
Those people were right, the moment I gave up, I suddenly found myself enthralled with someone who seems to be the raddest woman/girl I've ever been with.
I've flipped from a cranky, jaded fellow to a sappy fool. And I like every minute of it.
The idea of trusting someone again is not as daunting as I thought it would be. In fact it seems a lot easier than I remember. Maybe it's the whole Internet thing. I believe that neither one of us ever even considered misrepresenting ourselves before we met. Hell, I'm not sure but I don't think either of us expected this to happen.
So here's to myspace that allowed two people to meet that would have never met in meatspace. And to Phrank, thanks for letting me in.
The ups and downs of Dorkdom
One of the advantages of being a total dork is never having to justify totally dorky behavior. My coworkers expect me to wonder things like who could win a fight between the Hulk and the Thing (Ben Grimm). Or in a battle which would win, a Star Destoryer or the Starship Enterprise? Or why Superman really sucks (he's to damn powerful, what's the fun in that?).
The flipside of this is once people realize you're a dork, they discover they need you. For instance, tonight I went to get some items at the corner store and my sketchy neighbor spotted me. Crap. I hate talking to that guy. He creeps me out and the stuff he says about his wife just makes me wish they would have never reproduced. Anyway, the first thing he ask me is "you know a lot about computers, don't you?" I hate that question. I might know a bit but I am not a hacker by any stretch of the imagination. The one time I cracked a password it was "guest", not a shining hacker moment. My general response (as in this case) is I know a little bit. He proceeds to tell me about a printer he needs hooked up. Double crap. I really don't want to go inside his house. I'll probably be there when the cops show up to bust him on possession of some kind of nasty shit. Those poor, unfortunate kids of his.
In situations like this, I try the dumb and noncommittal card. Usually it works but this guy has been up for days and sees right through it. Dammit. Fuck it, I'll hook up his goddamned printer and take $30 from him. A true geek would charge three times as much. And my friends get this stuff for free.
The flipside of this is once people realize you're a dork, they discover they need you. For instance, tonight I went to get some items at the corner store and my sketchy neighbor spotted me. Crap. I hate talking to that guy. He creeps me out and the stuff he says about his wife just makes me wish they would have never reproduced. Anyway, the first thing he ask me is "you know a lot about computers, don't you?" I hate that question. I might know a bit but I am not a hacker by any stretch of the imagination. The one time I cracked a password it was "guest", not a shining hacker moment. My general response (as in this case) is I know a little bit. He proceeds to tell me about a printer he needs hooked up. Double crap. I really don't want to go inside his house. I'll probably be there when the cops show up to bust him on possession of some kind of nasty shit. Those poor, unfortunate kids of his.
In situations like this, I try the dumb and noncommittal card. Usually it works but this guy has been up for days and sees right through it. Dammit. Fuck it, I'll hook up his goddamned printer and take $30 from him. A true geek would charge three times as much. And my friends get this stuff for free.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Crowds, no creamer and where?
Again I am finding myself irritated with our guests in town. I went to the grocery store last night and found hordes of them milling around, blocking the aisle with carts and generally being annoyances. Not only that, all of the half-n-half was gone. Either the store didn't stock enough or there are so many of them that it was all purchased. Or perhaps as Phrank suggested they were all making white Russians. Upon rising out of bed this morning I see that it is cloudy and gray, so there is no reason to brave the crowds on the hill.
I really try not to bitch and moan too much about our guests. None of us would be here in this town if it weren't for them. But there are times when it just seems really overwhelming. Yet another reason my desire to live in a city grows stronger the longer I stay here.
Lately, I've found myself a bit torn on the whole moving to a city thing. I definitely want out of here, it's too small and other than the mountain there isn't much for me to do. But which city is starting to become a quandary. Originally, it was going to be back to the midwest but I find myself wanting to stay in Colorado. I have spent over a decade here after all, it feels like home almost as much as Indiana. It's not like I have to make a decision anytime soon but I am left with things to think about.
Time to go to the salt mine.
I really try not to bitch and moan too much about our guests. None of us would be here in this town if it weren't for them. But there are times when it just seems really overwhelming. Yet another reason my desire to live in a city grows stronger the longer I stay here.
Lately, I've found myself a bit torn on the whole moving to a city thing. I definitely want out of here, it's too small and other than the mountain there isn't much for me to do. But which city is starting to become a quandary. Originally, it was going to be back to the midwest but I find myself wanting to stay in Colorado. I have spent over a decade here after all, it feels like home almost as much as Indiana. It's not like I have to make a decision anytime soon but I am left with things to think about.
Time to go to the salt mine.
Dum Ditty Dum
Today there was a small attack of rude, bumbling idiots. There is this particular company that is the most disorganized group of people I've seen in a long time. And their manners are quite lacking. It amazes me that these people can make any money. The sad thing is, I have this suspicion it's one of those high pressure time share outfits. I sure as hell don't feel sorry for them. On guy tried to show us the pain in his neck. I'm not well trained enough to see it, I guess.
Thankfully most of the people that come in are not like that. Most of the time people are fairly with it when they come in.
It was one of those situation where playing dumb can be quite effective. I've found that if someone is trying to get a better deal, playing dumb keeps me from getting much of a hassle. Sometimes, I'm quite happy to play dumb. And at times, quite good at it.
Thankfully most of the people that come in are not like that. Most of the time people are fairly with it when they come in.
It was one of those situation where playing dumb can be quite effective. I've found that if someone is trying to get a better deal, playing dumb keeps me from getting much of a hassle. Sometimes, I'm quite happy to play dumb. And at times, quite good at it.
Monday, December 26, 2005
The day after...and it's snowing again.
Today was a general coming down day. I was so exhausted all day, I thought for sure I was going to pass out on the floor at work. Thanks to a constantly full coffee cup that didn't happen (although I'm beginning to be scared that I've been relying on coffee too much). Between staying up way too late last night and the drive, I'm not surprised too much by this tiredness.
Strangely, the drive back up here seems more draining than the on down to see Phrank. What makes it even stranger is that the drive down is far sketchier, conditions wise. I've seen some horrific accidents on the way down and the road conditions have either been snowy or icy. I'd guess that the anticipation of seeing her makes the drive down better. Whereas the drive back is a reminder of the time that is coming up.
Such is the nature of our relationship for the time being. Two days together followed by at least a week of distance. There are some benefits to the distance. It does help both of us falling into old, bad habits and mistakes. This doesn't change the fact that I miss her.
Phrank has noticed that we have already developed some routines. It's comforting in a way.
Time for this little money to go to bed.
Strangely, the drive back up here seems more draining than the on down to see Phrank. What makes it even stranger is that the drive down is far sketchier, conditions wise. I've seen some horrific accidents on the way down and the road conditions have either been snowy or icy. I'd guess that the anticipation of seeing her makes the drive down better. Whereas the drive back is a reminder of the time that is coming up.
Such is the nature of our relationship for the time being. Two days together followed by at least a week of distance. There are some benefits to the distance. It does help both of us falling into old, bad habits and mistakes. This doesn't change the fact that I miss her.
Phrank has noticed that we have already developed some routines. It's comforting in a way.
Time for this little money to go to bed.
Surly Monkey finds himself under a spell and quite likes it.
Belated Christmas greetings, ya'll. I'm only a couple of hours late.
Christmas was spent with Phrank. The more time I spend with her, the more I really don't want to drive back up here.
I'm more and more taken with her. The term could be smitten, I'm not sure. But I know that when I'm with her I feel that it is a good thing and I'm supposed to be there.
Without gushing too much, she is freakin' cool.
And on that note I'm going to bed.
Christmas was spent with Phrank. The more time I spend with her, the more I really don't want to drive back up here.
I'm more and more taken with her. The term could be smitten, I'm not sure. But I know that when I'm with her I feel that it is a good thing and I'm supposed to be there.
Without gushing too much, she is freakin' cool.
And on that note I'm going to bed.
Friday, December 23, 2005
Happy Festivus!
It's officially Festivus kids! I hope you all have your Festivus poles in place and are ready for all of the excitement that is on tap for today. Don't forget to get the group together for the wonderful festivities. I know I am totally looking forward to the Feats of Strength this year. I bet I could get pinned rather quickly considering I am the 98 pound weakling.
And what is Festivus without the Airing of the Grievances? I'll start. You, Mr. President, you are a freakin' idiot. Actually, you 51% of the voting public are freakin' idiots as well. Starting (unnecessary) wars and spying on your own people, you should be ashamed. And you, the Sony Corporation, as much as I dig my PS2, putting Trojan horses in some of your CDs to protect your precious copywrites (and how well do you pay the artist that created it?). That's just plain bad. Walmart, would it kill you to pay your employees a little bit more and give them health insurance? Locally, Jim Cook, why do you desire so much to tear down the Harbor Hotel? It may be kind of homely but it still has it's charm. City Market, the U-Scan closes way too early, everytime I go in there after 8 pm there is always a line at the one checker you have left, get with it. And for you drunken idiots at the bar who I have to push my way through to get one beer and steal a glass, could you stop spilling your drinks on me and just drink them? She may find you cuter that way. Oh, I could go on but why?
Now, Loyal Readers, it's your turn. Please air all of your grievances in the comments section. And attack me if you must but just be ready for the Feats of Strength!
Happy Festivus...it's for the rest of us!
And what is Festivus without the Airing of the Grievances? I'll start. You, Mr. President, you are a freakin' idiot. Actually, you 51% of the voting public are freakin' idiots as well. Starting (unnecessary) wars and spying on your own people, you should be ashamed. And you, the Sony Corporation, as much as I dig my PS2, putting Trojan horses in some of your CDs to protect your precious copywrites (and how well do you pay the artist that created it?). That's just plain bad. Walmart, would it kill you to pay your employees a little bit more and give them health insurance? Locally, Jim Cook, why do you desire so much to tear down the Harbor Hotel? It may be kind of homely but it still has it's charm. City Market, the U-Scan closes way too early, everytime I go in there after 8 pm there is always a line at the one checker you have left, get with it. And for you drunken idiots at the bar who I have to push my way through to get one beer and steal a glass, could you stop spilling your drinks on me and just drink them? She may find you cuter that way. Oh, I could go on but why?
Now, Loyal Readers, it's your turn. Please air all of your grievances in the comments section. And attack me if you must but just be ready for the Feats of Strength!
Happy Festivus...it's for the rest of us!
Corporate Radio Still Sucks
If some of you haven't figured it out yet, I'm a complete and utter cheeseball. I like bad puns, corny jokes and sappy music. Belle and Sebastian rank in my top ten bands, along with Weezer. I like catchy, cheesy love/like songs, I can't help it. Plus both of those bands just know how to write catchy, poppy hooks and I am a total sucker for a good hook. Could I use the word catchy one more time please.
I think that's part of the reason I don't listen to the radio that much, not enough cheesiness. That and the radio stations up here totally blow giant chunks. The one station KIDN, was just starting to get better and then they changed it to the stupid Jack format. Such is life. I didn't really listen to local radio other than KUNC(the NPR station) anyway. It's better for me to just listen to the stuff I have anyway.
I've found that Internet radio is the only thing that really catches my interest. SomaFM seems to have a few good stations. I've picked up some albums from bands I've heard off it as well as some downloads (legal, mind you).
I find it unfortunate that the airwaves have become so homogenized. It seems there was a time not that long ago that this wasn't the case. Either that or I'm just getting too old.
I think that's part of the reason I don't listen to the radio that much, not enough cheesiness. That and the radio stations up here totally blow giant chunks. The one station KIDN, was just starting to get better and then they changed it to the stupid Jack format. Such is life. I didn't really listen to local radio other than KUNC(the NPR station) anyway. It's better for me to just listen to the stuff I have anyway.
I've found that Internet radio is the only thing that really catches my interest. SomaFM seems to have a few good stations. I've picked up some albums from bands I've heard off it as well as some downloads (legal, mind you).
I find it unfortunate that the airwaves have become so homogenized. It seems there was a time not that long ago that this wasn't the case. Either that or I'm just getting too old.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Doors
Lately I haven't been feeling as lonely like I had been. A large part of this is due to Miss Phrank. But I'm left to wonder how much of it was self-inflicted. Was the fact that I had pretty much given up helping cause some of it? Or was I just lonely? Now I feel it but it's a whole different kind of loneliness. I'm hesitant to even call it that now.
One thing about this thing with Phrank is that I will always be leaving. Unfortunately, I have to work still so I'll have go home.
I don't like leaving and I'm not used to playing that role but at least I plan on going back. Most times I'm the one who gets left behind. And many of those cases I'm left behind for good. Getting left is not fun. It can shake your faith in people, it can make you not want to connect to others. In addition to things that I needed to do for myself, I've recently (tonight) realized that being left behind was probably one reason I stayed out of the game for so long. The last time it happened it damned near crushed me.
There are all kinds of ways to be lonely in this world. Some by circumstance, some by choice or a combination thereof. Not to say that being by oneself is a bad thing. But there comes a point when the desire for companionship is overwhelming. At that point one has to take a chance, crawl out of the hole and let someone else in.
What do I know?
One thing about this thing with Phrank is that I will always be leaving. Unfortunately, I have to work still so I'll have go home.
I don't like leaving and I'm not used to playing that role but at least I plan on going back. Most times I'm the one who gets left behind. And many of those cases I'm left behind for good. Getting left is not fun. It can shake your faith in people, it can make you not want to connect to others. In addition to things that I needed to do for myself, I've recently (tonight) realized that being left behind was probably one reason I stayed out of the game for so long. The last time it happened it damned near crushed me.
There are all kinds of ways to be lonely in this world. Some by circumstance, some by choice or a combination thereof. Not to say that being by oneself is a bad thing. But there comes a point when the desire for companionship is overwhelming. At that point one has to take a chance, crawl out of the hole and let someone else in.
What do I know?
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
White Christmas or why I'm ready to leave again
Everytime I go outside, I can't believe just how much snow is out there. I haven't seen it like this in years. Hell, I've never seen this much snow this time of year. The temperature finally broke today, it was damn warm. The snow is quickly turning to slush. I'd like to say that I know what it's like on the mountain but I haven't been up in days. I find that this is the week I usually skip, due to the crowds. It's just kind of pointless, like driving in Denver. And it will totally mellow out next week.
Making it through this week is key, I can't let the people get to me (who am I kidding they already have). But I get to spend Christmas with Phrank and that's freaking cool. For the first time in years I don't have to work over Christmas and I get to spend it with someone who I'm really into. Lucky me!
One of the few people in this town who just really get under my skin came in today. She's one of those people who seems to have money but it's just because her mother married into it. And yet she sort of flaunts it. But that's not completely why she grates on me. Part of it may be what I've seen of her outside of work. She talks way too much about things that aren't a part of any conversation. And the stupid Santa hat and Gucci sunglasses on a cloudy day may have something to do with it too. Or perhaps I'm just a shallow ass.
What do I care? I'm just ready for Friday to get here.
Making it through this week is key, I can't let the people get to me (who am I kidding they already have). But I get to spend Christmas with Phrank and that's freaking cool. For the first time in years I don't have to work over Christmas and I get to spend it with someone who I'm really into. Lucky me!
One of the few people in this town who just really get under my skin came in today. She's one of those people who seems to have money but it's just because her mother married into it. And yet she sort of flaunts it. But that's not completely why she grates on me. Part of it may be what I've seen of her outside of work. She talks way too much about things that aren't a part of any conversation. And the stupid Santa hat and Gucci sunglasses on a cloudy day may have something to do with it too. Or perhaps I'm just a shallow ass.
What do I care? I'm just ready for Friday to get here.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Service Industry Kill Christmas
Sometimes I think a decade in the service industry has sapped any excitement I had over Christmas. Today was the craziest day I've seen at work. Packages stacked halfway to the balcony in the back room. Hordes of people, milling around, cutting in line and begging for help while the counter was three people deep. A lovely Monday.
Town is no longer soley ours. The guest have arrived in full force. I saw it coming as I was driving to the Front Range on Friday. Thankfully at the new place I rarely have to deal with them. Although I kind of miss the entertainment factor of the gas station. There was much more of a chance for a smartassed remark there. Especially during silly question time. I have heard the "when do deer turn to elk" question. The answer is sometime around September 20th. And the elevation is 8200 feet.
I always forget about how many people come here when they aren't here. Go figure.
Four more days. Or three.
Town is no longer soley ours. The guest have arrived in full force. I saw it coming as I was driving to the Front Range on Friday. Thankfully at the new place I rarely have to deal with them. Although I kind of miss the entertainment factor of the gas station. There was much more of a chance for a smartassed remark there. Especially during silly question time. I have heard the "when do deer turn to elk" question. The answer is sometime around September 20th. And the elevation is 8200 feet.
I always forget about how many people come here when they aren't here. Go figure.
Four more days. Or three.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Infatuation or Surly Monkey may have finally met his match
As I pulled out of Phrank's parking lot, there were a lot of things stirring around in my little brain. A large chunk of it was a sense of happiness almost to the point of giddiness, I'm still floating. There was a of sadness because I won't get to see her for three weeks. But in just three weeks I get to see her again!
That this amazing woman has come into my life is nothing less than a blessing. Her strengths (some that she may not even know about) astound me. The fact that she acknowledges, embraces and continues to work on her shortcomings inspires me. With her I know exactly where I stand as she holds nothing back. The fact that she's an even bigger geek than me in some realms makes her that much more attractive.
She was worried that I would run away screaming, the only running I want to do is run to her (cue Bryan Adams).
I'm amazed at just how comfortable we were together, it was reassuring.
Of all the weekends I've had in my years, this was definitely one of the best to date.
Surly Monkey ain't feeling as surly.
That this amazing woman has come into my life is nothing less than a blessing. Her strengths (some that she may not even know about) astound me. The fact that she acknowledges, embraces and continues to work on her shortcomings inspires me. With her I know exactly where I stand as she holds nothing back. The fact that she's an even bigger geek than me in some realms makes her that much more attractive.
She was worried that I would run away screaming, the only running I want to do is run to her (cue Bryan Adams).
I'm amazed at just how comfortable we were together, it was reassuring.
Of all the weekends I've had in my years, this was definitely one of the best to date.
Surly Monkey ain't feeling as surly.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Worthy four hour drives...
What can I say? This weekend (not quite over) has been amazing. The nervousness I expected to have never showed up. There was a moment of butterflies right before I left Steamboat but I chalk that up to too much coffee.
Phrank (that is her pseudonym) turned out to be even better in person. I suspected this would be the case, despite her warnings of abrasiveness and repellant personality. Her being herself has been nice. We seem to be quite comfortable together and what ever awkardness was there melted away rather quickly.
I don't want this weekend to end.
Phrank (that is her pseudonym) turned out to be even better in person. I suspected this would be the case, despite her warnings of abrasiveness and repellant personality. Her being herself has been nice. We seem to be quite comfortable together and what ever awkardness was there melted away rather quickly.
I don't want this weekend to end.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Festivus...for the rest of us!
Tonight it hit me that the holidays are here. Why? Because tonight was the night that I noticed they were here. The winter set of guests, that is. Not having to deal directions, advice the chatter of spoiled and neglected children, I barely noticed the arrival of the season. Even with all the decorations.
In the past few years this time of year was spent working. This is the first time in at least four years that I haven't worked on Christmas Day. I don't even know what I'll do with myself.
Maybe I should celebrate Festivus.
For the last week or so I've made an attempt to push Festivus. A Festivus party could be rather entertaining. Who would be the patriarch of this group up here. The Mayor of Steamboat, perhaps? Trying to pin him during The Feats of Strength could make Festivus last until New Year's Eve. The look when I get when I say "Happy Festivus" is priceless at times. It can vary from knowing amusement or cheerful bewilderment to confused hostility. I suggest trying it out if you work with the public on a daily basis. It only comes once a year (our calendar says Dec 23).
I don't really know how I'd feel about the Airing of the Grievances. There would probably be some things I wouldn't really want to hear. Of course I would get my turn, so there's that.
But I bet it's not to hard to find a Festivus pole.
Happy Festivus!
In the past few years this time of year was spent working. This is the first time in at least four years that I haven't worked on Christmas Day. I don't even know what I'll do with myself.
Maybe I should celebrate Festivus.
For the last week or so I've made an attempt to push Festivus. A Festivus party could be rather entertaining. Who would be the patriarch of this group up here. The Mayor of Steamboat, perhaps? Trying to pin him during The Feats of Strength could make Festivus last until New Year's Eve. The look when I get when I say "Happy Festivus" is priceless at times. It can vary from knowing amusement or cheerful bewilderment to confused hostility. I suggest trying it out if you work with the public on a daily basis. It only comes once a year (our calendar says Dec 23).
I don't really know how I'd feel about the Airing of the Grievances. There would probably be some things I wouldn't really want to hear. Of course I would get my turn, so there's that.
But I bet it's not to hard to find a Festivus pole.
Happy Festivus!
Clockwatching and a four hour drive
When I wake up tomorrow, it'll be one more day until I leave for this adventure that sprung from this here Internet. The nervousness hasn't set in yet, I imagine it will when I get within fifty miles of her home.
This is seemingly new to me. As some of you know, I'm pretty much an idiot when it comes to dating. It's been a very long time since I've been out there. And I've never done anything like this.
The thing is, I'm pretty excited about this. I've been looking forward to it since we decided to meet and as the day approaches I seem to be able to think of little else.
I just hope that she likes me for what I am in person, bad puns and all.
This is seemingly new to me. As some of you know, I'm pretty much an idiot when it comes to dating. It's been a very long time since I've been out there. And I've never done anything like this.
The thing is, I'm pretty excited about this. I've been looking forward to it since we decided to meet and as the day approaches I seem to be able to think of little else.
I just hope that she likes me for what I am in person, bad puns and all.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Staying up late listening to Sonic Youth
Curses! Somehow I've managed to get myself back to staying up way too late. Tonight I'm going to blame it on the headphones. I just want to stay up and listen to music.
Tonight it dawned on me that part of the reason I am so utterly clueless when it comes to dating is that I spent almost all of my twenties in this same town. When I first arrived here at the age of 22 (cripes, eleven years), dating wasn't even an option for guys in this town. You pretty much had to go with the first girl that paid any attention to you because there just weren't that many females around. That's if one were to pay attention to you in the first place. Something makes me think this doesn't really allow for really getting to know someone.
Now being in my thirties and trying to figure out what this whole dating thing is, I find I have a bit of a disadvantage. I don't know what I'm doing at all.
I'm beginning to think there are quite a few of us in the same place. We got here in different ways but we're here now. And while we stumble around trying to figure it out we just happen to bump into someone who seems like they may be a good match.
I don't know if I'll ever really get it but maybe that's how it works.
Tonight it dawned on me that part of the reason I am so utterly clueless when it comes to dating is that I spent almost all of my twenties in this same town. When I first arrived here at the age of 22 (cripes, eleven years), dating wasn't even an option for guys in this town. You pretty much had to go with the first girl that paid any attention to you because there just weren't that many females around. That's if one were to pay attention to you in the first place. Something makes me think this doesn't really allow for really getting to know someone.
Now being in my thirties and trying to figure out what this whole dating thing is, I find I have a bit of a disadvantage. I don't know what I'm doing at all.
I'm beginning to think there are quite a few of us in the same place. We got here in different ways but we're here now. And while we stumble around trying to figure it out we just happen to bump into someone who seems like they may be a good match.
I don't know if I'll ever really get it but maybe that's how it works.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Hero run, no more secrets and no nickname
Today, I almost went home after my first run on the mountain. Not because it sucked but because it was so close to perfect for me, I don't think I'll ever be able to duplicate it.
It's bigger than a bread box but I still don't know everything inside, which is a good thing. My secret, that is. Which I no longer have to keep a secret.
So...I've met someone. Technically we haven't met in person but after this weekend this will no longer be the case. This is exciting for me and I'm filled with a sense of warmth and happiness that I haven't felt in a long time. It's weird, emailing back in forth and phone calls reminds me of a more innocent time, like passing notes in class. But this time around the notes are a quite a bit more substantive and filled with more than could ever been put in a junior high note. I like this girl and it's been a long time since I've felt this way about someone. And yet I've never seen her other than pictures on a screen (of course the same is true for her) but her words have touched me and sparked my interest.
This modern world is something else. And that makes me happy right now.
It's bigger than a bread box but I still don't know everything inside, which is a good thing. My secret, that is. Which I no longer have to keep a secret.
So...I've met someone. Technically we haven't met in person but after this weekend this will no longer be the case. This is exciting for me and I'm filled with a sense of warmth and happiness that I haven't felt in a long time. It's weird, emailing back in forth and phone calls reminds me of a more innocent time, like passing notes in class. But this time around the notes are a quite a bit more substantive and filled with more than could ever been put in a junior high note. I like this girl and it's been a long time since I've felt this way about someone. And yet I've never seen her other than pictures on a screen (of course the same is true for her) but her words have touched me and sparked my interest.
This modern world is something else. And that makes me happy right now.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Secrets and regrets
I've been keeping secrets from you, dear readers. And I am going to continue to do so. If you really want to know some secrets go look at PostSecret. They have lots of secrets from anonymous people, on post cards.
As for my secrets, I don't have many but I think the ones I have are worth keeping for now.
For as closed off as I feel I am, I don't really have many secrets. There are things that I won't talk about or write about here but if you were to ask in person I might be willing to tell. I'm not convinced those are actually secrets though.
I don't a dark past. I've never done something that needs to be concealed. Of course, there are things I wished never happened (for the life of me I can't remember any right now. weird). There are things I've done and said that I wish I could take back but these too are not secrets.
There is something going on with me that I'm not going to write about for a while. But when I decide to do write about it hopefully it'll be worth reading.
As for my secrets, I don't have many but I think the ones I have are worth keeping for now.
For as closed off as I feel I am, I don't really have many secrets. There are things that I won't talk about or write about here but if you were to ask in person I might be willing to tell. I'm not convinced those are actually secrets though.
I don't a dark past. I've never done something that needs to be concealed. Of course, there are things I wished never happened (for the life of me I can't remember any right now. weird). There are things I've done and said that I wish I could take back but these too are not secrets.
There is something going on with me that I'm not going to write about for a while. But when I decide to do write about it hopefully it'll be worth reading.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Nervous energy with a touch of translucency
When I'm nervous I pick my fingernails. Looking at my fingernails, I must be nervous most of the time. It's a slow pick, I like letting them grow just a bit so I can pick at them some more. I'm quite efficient. In addition to picking them I like to feel how well I've done, which leads me to try to feel my work on other fingers or my lips. I'm beginning to thing it's a strange habit. I didn't even notice it until someone at work thought she busted me smelling my fingers. Of course, she has three kids so it makes sense.
If I were to describe myself, I wouldn't use the word nervous. There are some nervous habits I have, yes, but I don't see myself as a nervous person. Of course, I don't really have much of an idea of how I appear to other people, so what do I know. Rarely do I see people staring at me, so that could be a good sign. Either that or I have finally achieved my goal of invisibility (actually, there was one night that I disappeared for about a moment. I was sitting in the chair, in plain view and no one could find me).
Enough of that.
This week couldn't end sooner and I for one am damn glad it's over. Now I can play in the cold for the next couple of days. Sweet. Hopefully all I hurt is my pride up there.
If I were to describe myself, I wouldn't use the word nervous. There are some nervous habits I have, yes, but I don't see myself as a nervous person. Of course, I don't really have much of an idea of how I appear to other people, so what do I know. Rarely do I see people staring at me, so that could be a good sign. Either that or I have finally achieved my goal of invisibility (actually, there was one night that I disappeared for about a moment. I was sitting in the chair, in plain view and no one could find me).
Enough of that.
This week couldn't end sooner and I for one am damn glad it's over. Now I can play in the cold for the next couple of days. Sweet. Hopefully all I hurt is my pride up there.
Friday, December 09, 2005
Chasing some cold pressure
Damn, I've got all of this stuff running around in my head and I can't seem to nail it down. Or at least grab onto it long enough to name it. Collecting my thoughts can be a meaningless phrase sometimes.
Last night was a five blanket night and my room was quite chilly when I woke up. That's what happens when you sleep in the coldest room in the house. When I went to start the Surly Mayfly, she wouldn't start. Even with a jump. I think it got so cold last night the oil turned to sludge. So I had one cold walk to work, thankfully the sun was shining. Eventually she started up. I am going to buy myself a blockheater for Christmas. Now if I could just get someone to buy me a new boombox type stereo. With an AUX slot so I can listen to my records again.
I may have ended my bloodletting streak today. There was no blood loss at all. No new cuts, scrapes or bruises. Take that! I'm no self-mutilating goth. The only self-mutilating I do is to my own ego thank you very much. And I try to keep that to a minimum.
And by the way, in my little world "Under Pressure" by David Bowie and Queen is an awesome song.
Last night was a five blanket night and my room was quite chilly when I woke up. That's what happens when you sleep in the coldest room in the house. When I went to start the Surly Mayfly, she wouldn't start. Even with a jump. I think it got so cold last night the oil turned to sludge. So I had one cold walk to work, thankfully the sun was shining. Eventually she started up. I am going to buy myself a blockheater for Christmas. Now if I could just get someone to buy me a new boombox type stereo. With an AUX slot so I can listen to my records again.
I may have ended my bloodletting streak today. There was no blood loss at all. No new cuts, scrapes or bruises. Take that! I'm no self-mutilating goth. The only self-mutilating I do is to my own ego thank you very much. And I try to keep that to a minimum.
And by the way, in my little world "Under Pressure" by David Bowie and Queen is an awesome song.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Why I should stay away from pointy metal objects
This is one week that can't end soon enough. I've managed to rack up more injuries this week than the rest of the year combined and I'm losing a lot of blood. They've now made the hydraulic cutter safe for me again. Hopefully, I won't cut myself on that thing again. In addition to all of the bloodletting on the machinery at work, I almost tumbled down the stairs today. I really should have just stayed in bed this week. I've been banned from sharp and pointy objects until sometime next week, in fact anything made of metal is off limits to me. About the only thing left is for me to get my hand stuck in a copier, talk about a jam. Damn, I probably just jinxed myself.
I totally jumped the gun last night when I said it was officially freaking cold last night. Tonight is the official start of freaking cold. -23° tonight. Even those of you in the upper Midwest will admit that this is cold. I haven't left the house since I got home and there is no way I'm going outside tonight. Hell, I don't even want to go outside tomorrow.
Good thing I get a couple days off soon. Between the injuries and the cold I may just go crazy in a matter of days.
I totally jumped the gun last night when I said it was officially freaking cold last night. Tonight is the official start of freaking cold. -23° tonight. Even those of you in the upper Midwest will admit that this is cold. I haven't left the house since I got home and there is no way I'm going outside tonight. Hell, I don't even want to go outside tomorrow.
Good thing I get a couple days off soon. Between the injuries and the cold I may just go crazy in a matter of days.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Cutting cold
As nice as the snow may be on the mountain, I'm not going. The ski report this morning of -10°. I maybe a little odd but I'm not crazy. I would like to keep my face from going numb due to frostbite. Not that I'm complaining. Far from it, every day I've been up has been awesome and if it weren't so cold I'd be there.
Yesterday at work I managed to slice my finger pretty good. We have a machine that drills holes in paper (for three ring binders and such). I was cleaning one of the bits out and it slipped and dug right into finger. I've been using bandaids but I think it's time to switch to super glue. Unfortunately, it's my typing finger. This has not been my week when it comes to keeping myself from being cut.
I really don't want to go outside today.
Yesterday at work I managed to slice my finger pretty good. We have a machine that drills holes in paper (for three ring binders and such). I was cleaning one of the bits out and it slipped and dug right into finger. I've been using bandaids but I think it's time to switch to super glue. Unfortunately, it's my typing finger. This has not been my week when it comes to keeping myself from being cut.
I really don't want to go outside today.
cold
Winter is shaking his wrath at us tonight. The thermometer says 6° and I believe it. After dumping at least a foot here in town, it is now offically freakin' cold. I was kind of waiting for this. It always gets this cold at least once in December. I am definitly sleeping with my hat on tonight.
The mountain was sweet today and if I want to go tomorrow I need to go to bed now. Damn I stayed up to late.
The mountain was sweet today and if I want to go tomorrow I need to go to bed now. Damn I stayed up to late.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Customers
Ever since I started working at the copy shop I've noticed the customers are a different sort than the ones I had at the gas station. Generally, they are a little nicer and friendlier. But there still are some that just grate on me. Mostly it's the ones that are condescending to us. Not to long ago, there was one lady in there talking on the phone and she said to the other person "I'm down here with my little *o***e* people." Something about that really irritated me, maybe it was her sense of ownership. And that was a relatively benign instance. Then there are the people who drop something off, demand it be done in a matter of hours and then proceed not to pick it up for days.
Of course, no one has ever tried to lunge over the counter at me. I'm sure that kind of behavior is pretty much limited to working in a gas station and possibly a bar. That's definitely the kind of thing I don't miss. I also don't miss the people that show me there surgical scars when I am obviously eating my dinner. Or the ones who would decide that I'm their best friend for the evening and proceed to share their unsolicited life story. Which generally consisted of a life of unrecognized alcoholism, failed relationships and shattered dreams. You know, the American sob story.
On the other hand, I heard some good stories and met some cool people that I never would have if weren't for working in a gas station. One memory that sticks out is the night a group of fifteen or so Muslims pulled up and asked if they could use the sinks. Sure, what do I care, I said, who am I to stop people from washing? I look out the window and on the far end of the parking lot they are all facing east saying their evening prayers. Afterwards, they came inside for snacks and stuff. Being the curious little monkey I am, and realizing that I may never get a chance like this again, I started asking questions. And, you know, they were more than happy to answer them. Apparently the washing is part of the prayer ritual. At some point my girlfriend at the time pulled up and was completely unsurprised to find me picking their brains.
I'll never have a night like that at the copy shop.
Of course, no one has ever tried to lunge over the counter at me. I'm sure that kind of behavior is pretty much limited to working in a gas station and possibly a bar. That's definitely the kind of thing I don't miss. I also don't miss the people that show me there surgical scars when I am obviously eating my dinner. Or the ones who would decide that I'm their best friend for the evening and proceed to share their unsolicited life story. Which generally consisted of a life of unrecognized alcoholism, failed relationships and shattered dreams. You know, the American sob story.
On the other hand, I heard some good stories and met some cool people that I never would have if weren't for working in a gas station. One memory that sticks out is the night a group of fifteen or so Muslims pulled up and asked if they could use the sinks. Sure, what do I care, I said, who am I to stop people from washing? I look out the window and on the far end of the parking lot they are all facing east saying their evening prayers. Afterwards, they came inside for snacks and stuff. Being the curious little monkey I am, and realizing that I may never get a chance like this again, I started asking questions. And, you know, they were more than happy to answer them. Apparently the washing is part of the prayer ritual. At some point my girlfriend at the time pulled up and was completely unsurprised to find me picking their brains.
I'll never have a night like that at the copy shop.
Monday, December 05, 2005
The new girl
Hutch has a new beagle named Ali. Like all beagles, she's rather cute and stubborn. She also does a great George Burns impression. Of course, the first night I met her she snapped at me but it was my fault as I came to close to her bone. It seems she likes to growl at Gary anytime he gets close to her. But I didn't see her snap at him.
She loves Hutch, follows him everywhere and stares at him. He truly does have some kind of magical power over beagles. In the beginning he had that hold over Ulysses (currently known as Yule Dog) but it wore off the longer Ulysses lived with our folks.
Anyway, she seems to be a good dog and her growling is pretty funny in a way. Make sure you knock on the door loudly if you stop by. Then you can hear her in all of her ferocity. Mock ferocity, that is.
She loves Hutch, follows him everywhere and stares at him. He truly does have some kind of magical power over beagles. In the beginning he had that hold over Ulysses (currently known as Yule Dog) but it wore off the longer Ulysses lived with our folks.
Anyway, she seems to be a good dog and her growling is pretty funny in a way. Make sure you knock on the door loudly if you stop by. Then you can hear her in all of her ferocity. Mock ferocity, that is.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Call up some girls...but I'm afraid of the phone
There are times when I have issues with the telephone. I don't really like it to begin with and in fact I'm sort of afraid of it. Actually it's not the phone I'm afraid of but the act of calling people. Especially when it's the first call to someone. I fret about what kind of impression I'll leave. Will I be witty or interesting enough? Will my slight speech delay be really obvious? Stuff like that.
The thing is, I probably have nothing to worry about. Whatever concerns I have are most likely unfounded. I'm sure it's all tied into the whole hesitancy to initiate conversation thing (I really need to work on that more).
This is slightly related but I'm not going into detail as to why. Even though I've been here on the Internet in one way or another for almost fifteen years, I still feel like a newcomer in some ways. For instance, I've never met anyone in meatspace that I've met on the Internet (although I have met people I've seen on myspace but never talked to). I have no idea what the "rules" are for meatspace meetings, if there even are any. It's a total unknown to me. The communication on the Internet can be intimate and superficial at the same time. Which leaves me wondering how to even greet someone you'd meet in person. I guess it could be comparable to meeting penpals in an earlier time but I didn't have any of those back then. Sometimes, I think I think too much.
I will say this, tonight I feel less cynical and jaded.
The thing is, I probably have nothing to worry about. Whatever concerns I have are most likely unfounded. I'm sure it's all tied into the whole hesitancy to initiate conversation thing (I really need to work on that more).
This is slightly related but I'm not going into detail as to why. Even though I've been here on the Internet in one way or another for almost fifteen years, I still feel like a newcomer in some ways. For instance, I've never met anyone in meatspace that I've met on the Internet (although I have met people I've seen on myspace but never talked to). I have no idea what the "rules" are for meatspace meetings, if there even are any. It's a total unknown to me. The communication on the Internet can be intimate and superficial at the same time. Which leaves me wondering how to even greet someone you'd meet in person. I guess it could be comparable to meeting penpals in an earlier time but I didn't have any of those back then. Sometimes, I think I think too much.
I will say this, tonight I feel less cynical and jaded.
Friday, December 02, 2005
Cat in a box
Maggie's cat Flick loves his box. In fact, I think he lives in it. He was rarely seen outside of it while I was there. You can pick the box up and carry him around in it and doesn't seem to know or care. Despite his homeless man in a refridgerator box impersonation, he is a cool cat.
One thing about Flick is that once gets out of his box, he can be pretty active. He will chase whatever it is you have one a string and if you have a laser pointer watch out. Another is his constant escape attempts which can be quite humorous.
Every time I see him and his cohort Gary, I like cats a little more. I've never been much of a cat person so that's something.
One thing about Flick is that once gets out of his box, he can be pretty active. He will chase whatever it is you have one a string and if you have a laser pointer watch out. Another is his constant escape attempts which can be quite humorous.
Every time I see him and his cohort Gary, I like cats a little more. I've never been much of a cat person so that's something.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
First day
Finally! I'd been waiting for that and it was worth it. There is a lot more open on the mountain than usual for this time of year. Not only that but there is a ton of snow up there. A few more days like this and lower mountain will be almost ready.
I didn't get to go for very long as I have to go to work but that's ok. No sense in killing myself on the first day up. I even left the ground a few times.
If you're nearby (as in the Front Range) you need to get your collective butt's up here. I think this is going to be the year.
I didn't get to go for very long as I have to go to work but that's ok. No sense in killing myself on the first day up. I even left the ground a few times.
If you're nearby (as in the Front Range) you need to get your collective butt's up here. I think this is going to be the year.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)