Three days

Now that I have three days off in a row, I'm not really sure what to do with myself. Today I had to make myself find things to do, although I did go skate for the first time in months (I can already feel the winter weight dropping). I have this feeling I'm going to have to start leaving town more often just so I don't consume myself with boredom and obsession. I found myself consumed with thought today that I really didn't want in my head. Which lead to me going out and finding things to do. I finally had to give Jeremy a call and say "I'm bored, let's go get a drink." Thankfully that was at a respectable hour.

I did come to the conclusion at the skatepark today that I am really out of shape again. So I guess I'm going to have to start hitting the parks again. Which having three days off will help with this, I can head down to Trinidad without feeling rushed. And I have until the beginning of June to have the parks to myself or at least me and the other old farts.

One thing I've noticed after I quit taking the meds is that I seem to obsess about things that I didn't before. My guess is that the particular medication I was one evened me out to the point where that wasn't even really an option. Wow, welcome to mental clarity or whatever. I don't regret my choice to go off them. I feel better for the most part, but having to stop myself from thinking certain things is a new thing again. I'm not going into detail about what I've been obsessing about, it's immature and unproductive at best. But it's weird, now I think it must have always been there and the meds were suppressing those thoughts.

Strangely, when I first started taking that medication it seemed that I was able to concentrate more than I was before. I'm not so sure now. Perhaps I just deluded myself into thinking that was a benefit of the meds. I know that it seemed to kill whatever creative spark I had left and that is part of the reason I stopped taking them (that and I was sick of the wicked hangovers after having just a couple of drinks). I'm still not of the woods yet, I suspect I have at least another week before they are completely out of my system.

I went on these drugs because I thought I was depressed and prone to depression. And I am prone to it and it sucks. But at this point I think I'd rather feel the whole thing than just be leveled out. I still have a stash if it ever seems to get too rough. But I think I can ride it out.

I think I'll go skate Canon City tomorrow.