Slipping on myself

Needless to say I've been spending as much time with Phrank as I can. I took an extra day off and went down for her birthday. According to her, I did pretty good with the birthday gifts. Which is good, I was really hoping she would like them.

Without going into to details, she and I had been in a bit of a funk for a spell. A large part of the cause of this is I'm just too passive for my own good. I've known about this for awhile but had kind of forgotten as it had been so long since I had to confront it. The path of least resistance has always been my choice which is actually not a good choice. I know exactly where it comes from and it's a tough reality that I need to change it. On of my fears is other people's reaction when I have to confront them on something, in that I always assume there will be a horrible reaction. Growing up seeing that kind of behavior in my home pretty much made passivity my defense mechanism along with one or two others. What I fail to realize is that most people are not going to react violently when challenged about something.

This is just one of the things I have to work on. The downside is that many times it takes someone else to point things out to me before I recognize them. I do know that I have a tendency to run my mouth (and fingers) and have not always learned my lesson when called out on it. I forget that words can hurt or at least allow unfair conclusions to be drawn.

I try when made aware of something, to work on it but it can be a slow process. I can be stubborn and changing myself is something that I need to be aware of on a daily basis. I'm not always aware of it on a daily basis. I slip sometimes. But I get up and try again.