Freaking computers

Goddamned technology is getting me again. In addition to the iPod and iTunes mystery, now my external USB CD burner won't work from iTunes. It seems to work from other software. I'm freaking confused.

Actually, I think it has to due with this computer. As far as computers go it's starting to get a bit outdated but I don't have the money to buy a new one. And I'd really like a newer one.

The plus side is that my geekery may have finally begun to pay off. Last night at work some guy was in and looking for a new Mac consultant. Apparently the one in town charges $95 an hour, and this fellow just thought that was a bit much. After he told me what he needed done I mentioned that I could probably do that and I'd only charge him $30 an hour. Perhaps being a geek will finally pay off. The truth is I don't mind doing geeky things for my friends. I'd never expect them to pay me (well I'd totally charge the creepy next door neighbor but he's not a friend).

I wonder if I know enough to get paid on a regular basis for it.

scratchy

The worst part of getting sick is the when you realized you may be getting sick. Tonight I can feel it coming on. At first I thought it was just from smoking too many cigarettes but I think it may be a little more than that. The beginning is the worst because you know it's coming and there is very little you can do about it. Tea and salt water gargle. Maybe a hot toddy if I could remember how to make one and had a lemon.

And of course it comes a day before my midweek weekend. Which I was hoping to spend on the mountain.

Oh well, I'll just to have to suck it up and tell my body that I'm not allowed to get sick. I'm not sure if that always works but I know sometimes it does. I'd thought I'd already had my cold weather sickness out of the way for the winter, so maybe this one will pass rather quickly. Maybe it is just irritation from smoking, or perhaps it's from that almond I choked on earlier tonight.

Whatever, it'll pass. But once again it makes me reconsider my smoking.

And I'm sick of the cold...sorta

I think my boss is trying to keep me here in Steamboat. I just got another raise which makes this job by far the highest paying legitimate job I've ever had. Hell, I think it pays better than any illegitimate job I've ever had when you factor in the risk. Which sort of sucks, because I'm intent on leaving this town for the city (which one? good question). But I guess it's providing some experience and may allow me to save a little more money for when I do move.

Don't get me wrong. I do love this town, it is the most beautiful place I've ever lived. I must like it if I've spent slightly over a decade here. But the time is coming for me to move on. I need some stimuli that I can't get here. The idea that there are places to hang out in at night that aren't bars excites me. Even if it is Denny's or a bowling alley that the lanes aren't entirely taken up by leagues on most nights.

I don't want to have to drive three and a half hours through nasty weather and traffic to go see shows and buy pants that fit. Or see any movie in a theater that doesn't make my back scream in pain after an hour.

There is very little that is keeping me here other than the scary prospect on moving to a new place. And my debts that I'd like to whittle down before I leave. Yes, the mountain has it's pull but even now it's not a strong enough pull. That's the thing about this place, it will always be here and I can come back to visit even ten years from now and there will be people I know still here.

It's time to start thinking about moving on.

The cure all...

It's cold enough tonight that the condensation is almost freezing to the windows again. Being January, I should expect it and I'm not going to leave the house for any reason so it doesn't really bother me.

Tonight, I got some new snowboard boots. After ten years or so of riding I'm finally getting to product test something. Sweet. Brand new boots that I don't have to pay for, it's a good thing. I'll probably have to go up tomorrow just to try them out. I tried them on tonight and they are rather comfy. Anything has to be better than the ones I've been using lately. The heels just started ripping out on them and I was starting to think about what kind of duct tape configuration would be needed to sustain them.

When Paradox and I lived together, he would have this ritual of duct taping his boot liners every morning before we went riding. If I remember right the liners were so split up that it was the only way to keep them intact.

Snowboarding and duct tape seem to go together quite well. In the past I've duct taped various articles of outerwear, binding baseplates and boots just to get that last amount of wear out of them. And for the most part it has worked. Although that reminds me that I need to tape my pants up again.

Of course snowboarding gear isn't the only thing that I've fixed with duct tape. Hell, I fixed the radiator on the truck with duct tape. It never leaked again after that even after the tape itself fell off.

I'm not sure what it is about duct tape that makes it the perfect material to fix things. Although I don't recommend it's use as a packing tape. It seems the only thing it doesn't work on is cardboard.

Damn, I wish it would work on software.

Phrank, the Borg and two lavender robots

This weekend marked the fourth weekend in a row with Phrank. It's hard to imagine what I did on the weekends before I started driving down to Colorado Springs to be with her. Although knowing how I am, I probably didn't do much other than go, mess around on the computer and sleep.

One cool thing about Phrank and this thing that we have is that it doesn't take much for us to have a good time. It seems just the fact that we're together lends itself to that. Whether it be stomping around Garden of the God's, driving up into the mountains, playing video games at the arcade in Manitou Springs (which I suspect we'll going back to some, we are both geeks you know) or just walking around Walmart.

Phrank and I are good for each other, we help bring things out in each other that neither of us knew we had. We talk and listen to each other. For two self-proclaimed social dorks, we have a really good basis of communication, neither of us will let the other get away with evasive conversation tactics for very long. We fit together well.

Until today, we had let Sundays become pretty pathetically sad. We would wake up and in a few hours the realization would hit that I had to come back to Steamboat. Leading up to today we decided that this needed to stop as it was dragging us down and basically ruining the day. Today we slept in (sorta), Phrank made breakfast (she makes a mean Cheddar garlic biscuit among other things), showered and left the house for most of the day. It didn't even hit us even up to the point that I dropped her off at an engagement she had. A quick goodbye and I was on the road. And you know, it's much better that way.

And no, Phrank, I didn't lose my second lavender (glossy) robot.

Grrr...technology

Technology has gotten the best of me tonight. Sam downloaded a bunch of songs off the iTunes store to put on his iPod, as he had a fifty dollar gift card there. After he imported them onto his iPod he discovered that they wouldn't play. Crap. And I can't figure out why. The only think I can think of is it has something to do with my iPod now being authorized on my computer. I am at a total loss. I tried to do the old work around by burning it to CD but iTunes doesn't like my CD burner all of a sudden.

As geeky as I may be, technology drives me apeshit sometimes. I like trying to solve problems but when I'm stumped it just pisses me off. I know there is a way around this but I just can't figure it out, at least tonight. Actually, if any of you Mac users out there have some suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

I'm going to give up on this problem for the night. There is too many other things to do and I have to get up early.

Hold them close

The first winter that I lived here in Steamboat my grandmother in Indiana died (it's hard to believe it was eleven years ago). As the time passed I think I miss her even more. I still have all the letters she wrote me while I lived out here. Several times a year I'll go and shoot the shotgun I inherited from here and when I pull the trigger I think of what kind of badass she must have been. There are times when I wish I could call her up and get her opinion on things (she wasn't one to hold back what she thought either).

During the Great Depression, her and my grandfather lived down in Divide Colorado on a ranch. I don't have her memoirs near me to check the on details but somewhere I have a photo that they had taken one day in Colorado Springs. They were so young and it was such a hard time but they look happy in the photo.

Granny was an amazing woman. A fearless woman I suspect. She was on one of the first girls high school basketball teams in Indiana. She insisted on traveling and I hold her responsible for the travel bug that myself and my two siblings share (even though I haven't exercised it so much lately). If there was hunting, butchering or what not to be done she wasn't hesitant to do it. And she made some mean egg noodles.

Such a power she had that she haunted the car my brother inherited from her. To this day if I see a Chevy Celebrity, I think of her.

When she would meet the friends we had, she never judged them and in fact she loved them. I remember the joy that some of them would bring her.

I can only hope that she would be proud of me and if not at least happy for me.

My life in film...

Sometimes I have this ongoing movie in my head. It isn't a whole movie per se but a jumble of scenes that don't really tie together. Or at least I don't think they tie together. Usually it's some snippet from my life that I wish I had some kind of recording device at the time to document it. The thing is, my life probably isn't really that anymore exciting than the next person (on that note I'm surprised so many of you come back on a daily basis, so thanks for that). But there are moments when I've seen some strange and crazy things. For instance, in all my years of working in gas stations, I remember only one set of items in a single transaction. It was a half gallon of milk, a roll of film and a box of condoms (oddly enough the guy came in the next day with his wife and kids). To this day I still ponder that combination.

If I were forced to write a movie about my life, I'm not sure how I would go about it. A key moment in film is where the protagonist has some kind of brilliant revelation. Mine have been on the slow quiet side. They few times I've been put to any kind of survival test have been rather pathetic. I really don't think fending off drunks at a conveince store really counts (plus Kevin Smith beat me to most of it years ago). Or having to extricate myself out of a tree I managed to land in, although said tree did stop me from falling on a cliff. I've never been put in those life or death situations that lead to really good stories. Or if I have, I've forgotten (go figure).

Any movie based on my quiet life would be overly dependent on dialogue, as most of the important parts have been conversations. Although, I'd need some good exterior shots for the bitching soundtrack. And a cool scene of the Surly Mayfly wiping around on mountain roads on snow and ice. Because that car rocks for a Honda.

Either that or I could make the greatest, cheesist action movie of all time where the bad guys are aliens and the Illuminati.

New toys...

Thanks to Hutch and my mother, I now have a really nice iPod. And I can't keep my grubby little fingers off it. Today for the first time ever, I went snowboarding and listened to music. While doing this I discovered I seem to go a little faster and jump a bit more (not to mention fall). At first, my balance was a bit off but I figured it out. At first glance it seems that heavier music is better for riding. So tonight I made a playlist for riding. I'm going to have to go up just to try it out tomorrow.

I tend to listen to mellower music most of the time. My guess is that it's part of the whole getting older thing. Not being the angry kid I was even a few years back probably has a bit to do with it. But there are times when I just want to rock. Even then it's not the same things I was rocking to back in the day. Well some of the same things. However long gone are the days when the only things I'd listen to are punk and metal. I'd like to think I'm all over the board with the exception of modern country (geez, I hate that stuff).

Of course now with this new toy, I'll probably be buying way too much new (and new to me) music. There goes my moving budget.

No surly, no pump, still a monkey

It's true, I am no longer the surly monkey. Nor are there any pumps near by. My surliness as been on a slow decline for months now, ever since I left the gas station. And after meeting the lovely Phrank, pretty much all of the surliness has completely disapated. That just really cemented this disapation.

I'm not changing the name though, I like it. There are still moments where I feel a touch surly. Nothing like the days of answering stupid questions and hearing people bitch about the price of gas. Now it's mostly when people are overly condescending or needy to me. I stil have a hard time holding customers hands (figurativally) as I expect a higher level of knowledge and curiousity from the current crop of customers I deal with on a daily basis.

I won't deny that my outlook has improved in the last matter of months or so. Those of you that have been following this thing here have probably noticed. Getting out of the gas station racket was probably one of the best things I could have done for myself in a long time. Now if I could just stop dealing with the public altogether I'd be set.

Yeah, I may not be surly but the name is staying.

Up all night...

I'm making an attempt to go to bed earlier. I'm not sure if it'll work but I really need to do it. This isn't the first time I've mentioned it but the late nights are really starting to catch up with me. Today I was completely worthless at work. I easily could have got keyboard forehead if it weren't for the coffee (which finally worked by two).

By habit, I'm a night owl. I do like staying up late, I'll admit it. There is something about the night that keeps me up. I'm not exactly sure what it is. Maybe it goes back to working the graveyard shift but I'd think I've recovered from that as it's been close to a decade since I've worked that shift. Of course, more recently I worked until midnight or later. I can't remember the last time I went to bed before midnight. It has probably been years.

I'm torn, my increasing exhaustion dictates that I should go to bed earlier but I can't bring myself to get there as early as I should. It's an ongoing struggle. Maybe somewhere in the back of my head I think I'm going to miss something if I go to bed too early. Or perhaps I'm just still scared of the dark.

No wrecks and dry roads...

There is still residual caffeine in my system from my drive back up here tonight. Like I've said before, the drive back to Steamboat from Phrank's can seem really long. As far as the drive goes, I pretty much have it down to a science. But the thinking is what makes it long. I'm left to myself for almost the whole time and I mull over what has passed. Although Phrank will call at some point to keep me company until the signal drops or I need to concentrate on driving (I can't talk on the phone and drive in bad conditions). I welcome her calls, I like her checking up and making sure I'm still good to drive.

Surprise or not, being there on New Year's was most excellent. I continued my tradition of not drinking on New Year's eve (oddly I can't remember how or when I started this tradition but it's been a few years). Which came in quite handy as Phrank is sober. I accompanied her to this big shindig that she helped organized. A shindig of sober drunks. It was pretty cool being there, witnessing and interacting with this important part of her life. Finally being able to put faces to names was an added bonus.

I'm a lucky or blessed man to have met Phrank. This thing that we have between us feels like nothing before it. I never knew her before she became who she is now but who she is kicks ass.

I'd make a bad spy...

Sometimes I surprise myself. For New Year's Eve, I had this awesome plan to surprise Phrank. As recently as Wednesday I was sure I was going to be staying in Steamboat for the weekend. At the time we had agreed to be on the phone at midnight that night. Then after she hinted to a hope of a John Hughes type New Year's Eve, I devised my plan. I was going to go to the Springs, surprise her at midnight and give her a kiss, four hour drive be damned. It was all worked out, thanks to Google and Google Maps I knew exactly where she would be (or so I thought) at midnight. I'd show up when she went outside to call me and ask her why she was calling when I was standing in front of her.

Alas, when I was trying to pin down where she really would be at midnight, I couldn't get a definite answer. So I had to spill the beans. Needless to say she was surprised, perhaps dismayed (in a good way).

I can't really explain why or how I wanted to do this, other than I want to be there with her to ring in the new year instead of on the phone. It just seemed like a good idea to me, something I wanted to do for her and to see her smile (it just makes me melt). Apparently I'm a goddamned sap. I didn't even know until a month ago.

If I haven't completely fallen, I'm at least halfway to the ground.

The monkey on my back

I'm a junkie. I'm addicted to cigarettes, well nicotine to be precise. This morning I still haven't had my fix and there is a general fuzziness to the day. If I delay it long enough at times there is a bit of a buzz.

I don't like smoking that much, it makes me smell and I spend way too much money on it. Plus, it's killing me faster than life itself. Smoking has a bunch of little rituals associated with it that may be harder to break than the physical addiction. Going outside during a break and having one. There are situations that I tell myself I need one after whatever it is happens. When I drink, I smoke (thankfully, I've cut back on that one). Coffee and a smoke.

Even writing this I had to stop and go have one. And I can feel the changes in my brain. I hadn't had one in almost twelve hours (well I did sleep).

The thing is, if there were a safe way to ingest nicotine, I'd do it. There was the possibility of nicotine enhanced water but the FDA canned it. But I'm to the point where I see smoking for what it is and feel what the damage it is causing me. I'm in the beginning stages of wanting to quit. I've never tried to quit before and after reading up on it, I see I'll need some kind of maintenance program for a while.

I don't know when I'm going to start quitting but I think I need to prepare myself for it. Maybe I should call that number that is always on TV.

sliding up

In less than 48 hours this year will end, just as they do every year around this time. I've always seemed to mark the passing of the year around Halloween. Something about the fall just seems like when the year slides into the next one. I'm sure there were a few cultures that marked it at that time.

I'd make a list of the past year but I'm feeling way to lazy. It was another interesting year to say the least.

I think I'll just look forward to the next one.