Sometimes I can be a bad friend. The skills of keeping in touch have eluded me over the years. So when I hear from someone I haven't talked to in a while, I'm a bit surprised. The thing about it is, with most people we can pick up where we left off. Most of the time that is. There are those few that it seems that something has changed. Whether it's me or them, I'm not sure. I suspect much of the time it's me as I feel I'm not completely the same person I was even five years ago.
Yes, this husk of a body is the same, older but the same one. But my outlook and attitude are different now or at least it seems that way to me. The darkside that used to be everpresent has shifted to the background. After I learned that it was a choice, I chose not focus on the dark stuff as much. It's still there and I still find myself struggling with it occasionally but nowhere to the extent as before.
The thing is, there are still those from the past who are still thriving on that darkside. And at the time we connected it was based on commiseration with that side. Now however it's hard for me to hang with it. I don't really want to encourage the rising of the darkside in my own life. Acknowledging it is one thing, returning to it is something completely different. I have no desire to go back to those days. As far as I'm concerned they are behind me, I don't have to live like that anymore.
I'm torn. I know that to be a good friend you are supposed to stick with people through good and bad. But if there is never any good in their lives, I wonder if it's still worth it. If the darkside is all they can live for, what's one to do? I can't in good conscience encourage it. I know what kind of damage it causes and over the years I've been shown that there is a way out of it.
That's not to say I'm not a cynic. There are plenty of days I'm surprised I lived this long, surviving a death that was not of my own hand. Hell, when I was a kid I thought the world would end in a nuclear holocaust before I was 25. I'm still surprised sometimes that never happened. But that's just cynicism and there is a difference a cynic and a pessimist.
1 comment:
Dang. Another post where we're forced to guees who and/or what you are talking about. Makes me think of a mutual aquaintance of ours, let's call this person "The Dark Prince" for now. My folks call him Kramer, you do the math. Now, that dude dwelled in some serious negativity and I could see it being really hard to commiserate while your feeling quite positive yourself. All you can do is lend an ear and throw a little sympathy their way, please don't let this type of person drag you down with them. I like the new and improved (or revitalized, whatever) monkey. Anyway.....
Speaking of getting/staying in touch with friends; when was the last time you checked your PO Box?
Hmmmmm.
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