Freemasons run the country

As much as I'd like to think that I got over my paranoia at some point it just isn't true. I still find it conspiracy theories intriguing and entertaining. Any mention of the Freemasons, Illuminati or associated groups and symbols instantly turns my head. Admittedly, I've let go of the idea that I was being watched and targeted. There is still a sense that we are all being monitored, which in this day and age is seemingly plausible. The difference now is I don't allow myself to indulge in those speculations like I did. I live a rather mundane life. If there are actually are people watching me I hope they brought a pillow, because they need more sleep than me.

The thing about conspiracy theories is that they can map out the levels of certain powers above us mere citizens. Coming to the understanding that there is an immense, hidden plot that targets all of humanity (or at least the US) is strangely reassuring to one who is paranoid. Or at least makes sense. It helps explain why the world can seem so fucked up. It can seem to absolve one of responsibility for those around them because in this prism, everyone is screwed eventually.

Even to this day, I find cues that can lead me down the road to make ties to this overworld I was obsessed with for way too long. In the back of my head I still carry the strong suspicion that there are those that are pulling strings behind the faces of power. But there is not a damned thing I could do about it anyway.

I'm sure those years spent in the depths of believing that dark forces were right behind me was supposed to teach me some kind of lesson. What this lesson was supposed to be, I'm not sure. Maybe looking at the big picture is not always the best way to look at the world. Sometimes the picture can get just too big. I'm not sure. Perhaps, the lessons I learned are subtle enough that I can't name them.