Doors

Lately I haven't been feeling as lonely like I had been. A large part of this is due to Miss Phrank. But I'm left to wonder how much of it was self-inflicted. Was the fact that I had pretty much given up helping cause some of it? Or was I just lonely? Now I feel it but it's a whole different kind of loneliness. I'm hesitant to even call it that now.

One thing about this thing with Phrank is that I will always be leaving. Unfortunately, I have to work still so I'll have go home.

I don't like leaving and I'm not used to playing that role but at least I plan on going back. Most times I'm the one who gets left behind. And many of those cases I'm left behind for good. Getting left is not fun. It can shake your faith in people, it can make you not want to connect to others. In addition to things that I needed to do for myself, I've recently (tonight) realized that being left behind was probably one reason I stayed out of the game for so long. The last time it happened it damned near crushed me.

There are all kinds of ways to be lonely in this world. Some by circumstance, some by choice or a combination thereof. Not to say that being by oneself is a bad thing. But there comes a point when the desire for companionship is overwhelming. At that point one has to take a chance, crawl out of the hole and let someone else in.

What do I know?