(alone in a crowd)

Sometimes when it's this late at night and I'm staring at the screen, I wonder what else I could be doing (other than sleeping, which would be the proper choice). And then it hits me, what else would I be doing? Maybe sitting in my room listening to music, or listening to the news and reading. I can do all of that sitting here in my chair (which I'm beginning to think I need to get a new chair, the back on this one is starting to get really loose).

Maybe I need to turn off this computer for awhile and look around me. I know there is a bigger world out there, maybe even here in this tiny town. Sadly, I've become accustomed to my little bubble here in my chair. Which the therapist inside me tells me this might not be the best thing for me. That little voice keeps telling me I need to get out and meet people. I know it's good for me and all but I fear meeting new people. (As we all know)It's not so much the people but the meeting of the people that sends me to the corner.

What strikes me, is that as I spend more and more time here on the Internet, there is a lot of us that are scared of the same thing. Being alone or perhaps being left alone. We tell ourselves that we like spending time by ourselves but the truth is, if we were all alone, sad would not be the word used to describe it. We try to detach ourselves from one of our basic needs. That being the contact with others.
We need connections just as much as we need being touched (pet if we were dogs). But no matter how much we try to deny it, we need it.

The worst feeling can be when you are the one left behind. Especially if there isn't much warning. Leaving can be a hell of lot easier than staying. Living here, I've seen my fair share of good friends leave and never come back. And when I finally go it may be the same kind thing. I don't know if I could stay away if I were to come back.

And I'll still find myself alone in a crowd, no matter what.