In the last post I mentioned how lonely I am living in Steamboat. That's not entirely true. There is that certain kind of loneliness that I've been experiencing there that makes me say that. On one level I'm not lonely at all living there, I have great friends who support and love me and I try to love and support them as well.
The loneliness I was talking about was the lack of companionship that friends usually are unable to offer. The sharing a bed kind of companionship. I miss that and have a strong desire to have it again. And I'm not even talking about sex (well not totally), I'm talking about falling asleep with someone in my arms (or until my arms fall asleep) and then waking up next to them. Paradoxically, I've pretty much giving up on that happening. I don't know if it's cynicism or me just being jaded (which really are two different things).
I'm not the kind of person to define myself by having a girlfriend. I've spent more years of my adult life single than not and I'm generally ok with it. But there are things that I miss about not being single in addition to what was mentioned above. The whole sharing my life with someone and attempting to let them in my head, which can be hard because I don't open up so easily (there are a lot of things I don't or won't write about here), is another big one. Just that sense of companionship is important to me as well. Although, I will say it would be nice if the next one and I shared at least some of the same taste in music.
I don't even know why I concern myself with it. Like I said, I've pretty much given up, though I still desire to have something.
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