One thing that I try not to do is live in the past but I find that my past catches up to me. And I don't really mind it when it happens. The thing is, those glory days are still to this day ahead of me. I've had wonderful times as well as sad times, and my friends remind me of the good times and don't let me forget the bad. It's funny, at the times I thinks I've screwed up the most, good friends find me and remind me of what is real. As you may know, I live inside my head a little too much and these kids pull me out of it (kids in the positive sense). This isn't living in the past, this is being reminded of the present. My boys and girls from whatever in my life point me straight when I've crossed a line. And I need that. I'm not always the most observant person on the face of the planet as much as I'd like to believe.
Someday I want to have a gathering for everyone I've ever know. I want DJ Paradox, Crankpin, The Plagiarists, American Relay, DJ Also Starring and FON/Fire Hydrant Man/National Trust to play this thing. Of course this is totally unrealistic but I want to see all parts of my world collide. As I age, I have so many years of great friends and history that I'd like to see it all in one room. I have this feeling all of these people would mesh really well.
I've been freakin' lucky to have these people in my life. I don't even know how it is we've came to meet. Divine intervention? Coincidence? Whatever, I'm one lucky Surly Monkey.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Print job
Most of my evening was spent printing up some photos. Most of them were just 4x6 prints for an album but I did print out a few larger ones for someone.
The one shown here is one of them. The really cool thing about this photo is that if you were to look closely, there is a dog, a bird and a deer carcass. Unfortunately, you can't really make them out here on the web. This one is part of a series I took at the Solsberry Viaduct outside of Solsberry Indiana.
Lately, a few people have been encouraging me to try and have a show of my photos. For the first time I'm actually considering it. I've never considered myself an artist (or writer for that matter), so I have no idea as to how about getting a show together. It's probably just a matter of asking the right people the right questions.
The only show I've ever thought about would be one with photos from my brother, sister and myself. I really think that would be a cool show. All three of us have some great photos.
The one shown here is one of them. The really cool thing about this photo is that if you were to look closely, there is a dog, a bird and a deer carcass. Unfortunately, you can't really make them out here on the web. This one is part of a series I took at the Solsberry Viaduct outside of Solsberry Indiana.
Lately, a few people have been encouraging me to try and have a show of my photos. For the first time I'm actually considering it. I've never considered myself an artist (or writer for that matter), so I have no idea as to how about getting a show together. It's probably just a matter of asking the right people the right questions.
The only show I've ever thought about would be one with photos from my brother, sister and myself. I really think that would be a cool show. All three of us have some great photos.
D'oh
There are some things I shouldn't do when too drunk. One is driving. Another is writing about my business on this blog. Things tend to come out wrong.
Last nights post is a great example of that. What I intended to write came out horribly wrong and it was a post that should have never been published. I need to stick to movies and music when I am way drunk. I could delete it but I think it would be pointless at this point. I'm not going to try and reinterpret it.
My bad.
Last nights post is a great example of that. What I intended to write came out horribly wrong and it was a post that should have never been published. I need to stick to movies and music when I am way drunk. I could delete it but I think it would be pointless at this point. I'm not going to try and reinterpret it.
My bad.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Jerk (am I?)
I'm kind of a bastard. I think have been leading someone on, thankfully she doesn't live here. It all started with a crack about meeting somewhere in the desert and seemingly snowballed (snowballs in the desert?) from there. I guess at the time I meant it but now I'm not so sure. I'd rather go back home than to the desert.
Last night I got a couple of strange, pathetic (in the sad sense, not lame) voice mails on my phone. A portion of today was spent figuring out how to react to them and I'm still at a loss. As flattering as getting drunk dialed is, from far away just isn't that effective. It's just going to suck having to let someone down and bail out.
The thing is, it just comes down to conversation. Or flowing conversations that is. With the person on the other end of the VMs, I just don't feel it. It's just never really clicked for me. Not to say anything bad about her but for me it's just not there. Maybe it's the drunk thing but I'm not sure.
Jeez, I think I'm an ass.
Last night I got a couple of strange, pathetic (in the sad sense, not lame) voice mails on my phone. A portion of today was spent figuring out how to react to them and I'm still at a loss. As flattering as getting drunk dialed is, from far away just isn't that effective. It's just going to suck having to let someone down and bail out.
The thing is, it just comes down to conversation. Or flowing conversations that is. With the person on the other end of the VMs, I just don't feel it. It's just never really clicked for me. Not to say anything bad about her but for me it's just not there. Maybe it's the drunk thing but I'm not sure.
Jeez, I think I'm an ass.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
The movies
Tonight we watched "The Upside of Anger" which I've been told is a chick flick. Whatever, I'm not afraid to watch chick flicks as long as Hugh Grant and/or Meg Ryan aren't in them. This movie was actually pretty good and it didn't completely cross that line, you know the one that just can scar a movie too many of the male gender. It was however every female dominant, the could thing was that the women weren't all saccharinely sweet even though they were sisters and mothers. Joan Allen (who I haven't seen in that much but that's just me) was very convincing and real in her lead role. And for once Kevin Costner pulled off a decent job (he needs to just stay in front of the camera I think), close to his work in "Tincup" although older and even more lost. Not only that there is a nice twist at the end which isn't even implausible.
I actually enjoy movies like this, the old name for them was dramatic comedies but somehow they got lumped into the chick flick realm. Truth be told I don't exactly get this other than it is just another marketing ploy. Of course it could be that I'm just a pansy but I'll tell you the only time I cry in a movie is when the dog dies.
I actually enjoy movies like this, the old name for them was dramatic comedies but somehow they got lumped into the chick flick realm. Truth be told I don't exactly get this other than it is just another marketing ploy. Of course it could be that I'm just a pansy but I'll tell you the only time I cry in a movie is when the dog dies.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Wrap up.
The end result of this weekend is about ten photos. Not so good when you consider the goal was to go and capture the fall foilage today. I went driving in south Routt country but discovered that there was nowhere to pull off the road when I saw something I wanted to talk a photo of. Fine. I think I got two good shots out of the whole bunch.
It wasn't an entire waste, though. I did stay up super late talking to a certain young lady who lives somewhere east of the Mississippi River. Quite an enjoyable conversation I must say.
There was a party I went to but I had to flee when a bunch of college kids showed up and finished the keg off in less than ten minutes. I know I was one of those kids once but damn do they drive me crazy now.
I'm sure there are lots of things that I've missed and a few that I've left out on purpose but oh well.
It wasn't an entire waste, though. I did stay up super late talking to a certain young lady who lives somewhere east of the Mississippi River. Quite an enjoyable conversation I must say.
There was a party I went to but I had to flee when a bunch of college kids showed up and finished the keg off in less than ten minutes. I know I was one of those kids once but damn do they drive me crazy now.
I'm sure there are lots of things that I've missed and a few that I've left out on purpose but oh well.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Here's to the skunk!
When I go outside for a late night smoke I almost always see what I can only assume is the same skunk hopping around the 'hood. This skunk intrigues me a bit. Usually I'll try to passively get his (I'm guessing it's a he) attention by doing a little clicking sound. I don't want to spook him but I want him to look at me. As I said a long time ago, even though they can smell foul, I have an affinity for skunks. To be honest, I don't really know why it is that I think they are so cool. Maybe it's just the way they look. They are kind of cute as long as you're not on the business end of one.
It does seem strange to me that this skunk and I are on the same time cycle. Invariably I'll see him coming from across the street over to our side and he just pokes around, looking for scraps of food as far as I can tell. I've entertained the notion of feeding him but I know that's really a bad idea. Watching him hop and dart around is quite entertaining for me though.
Earlier this summer there were a few baby skunks hanging around as well. They were just adorable, all tiny and waddling around following the momma skunk, looking for food. Like I said, I have a thing for skunks. The thing with skunks is that as long as you don't mess with them, they won't mess with you.
Another cool think about skunks is that they are one of the few animals that are native to all parts of the 48 states. I can't think of a state that I've been that I haven't seen one in. And I'm not even counting the plush skunk I have.
It does seem strange to me that this skunk and I are on the same time cycle. Invariably I'll see him coming from across the street over to our side and he just pokes around, looking for scraps of food as far as I can tell. I've entertained the notion of feeding him but I know that's really a bad idea. Watching him hop and dart around is quite entertaining for me though.
Earlier this summer there were a few baby skunks hanging around as well. They were just adorable, all tiny and waddling around following the momma skunk, looking for food. Like I said, I have a thing for skunks. The thing with skunks is that as long as you don't mess with them, they won't mess with you.
Another cool think about skunks is that they are one of the few animals that are native to all parts of the 48 states. I can't think of a state that I've been that I haven't seen one in. And I'm not even counting the plush skunk I have.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Dork and proud
It seems I'm descending deeper and deeper into dorkdom and I don't even care. The sad thing is, this time I am dragging others down with me. Lately, I've been IMing a young lady who I know from many years ago. Clearly she was never quite the dork I was but if she is not careful she could slowly catch up. I'm under the impression that IM is generally for dorks but the thing is quite enjoy our chats.
All my life, I've always been a bit of a dork. When I was a kid, I was much more inclined to be inside reading than outside playing and even when I went outside invariably I'd have a book in hand. Once I discovered computers, video games and the Internet it was all over.
Being an early user of the Internet (and this was before the WWW, kiddies) didn't help much. Ever since then I've felt lost when I've gone for more than a few days without access to the Internet. Which is a little disturbing in a way, especially because anymore I can't imagine life without being connected.
The thing is I've never denied my dorkiness, I know I've been one for a long time. It's not a horrible thing. I have a wide command of useless trivia floating around in my puny brain and when I get the chance to play trivia games I do pretty well. The sad thing is when I drag other people into the circle of dorkiness.
All my life, I've always been a bit of a dork. When I was a kid, I was much more inclined to be inside reading than outside playing and even when I went outside invariably I'd have a book in hand. Once I discovered computers, video games and the Internet it was all over.
Being an early user of the Internet (and this was before the WWW, kiddies) didn't help much. Ever since then I've felt lost when I've gone for more than a few days without access to the Internet. Which is a little disturbing in a way, especially because anymore I can't imagine life without being connected.
The thing is I've never denied my dorkiness, I know I've been one for a long time. It's not a horrible thing. I have a wide command of useless trivia floating around in my puny brain and when I get the chance to play trivia games I do pretty well. The sad thing is when I drag other people into the circle of dorkiness.
Home for a Holiday (80% chance)
For the first time in over ten years I have a job that I usually get weekends off. Not that it matters so much in a town like this but all the same it is weird. That today is actually Thursday (well Friday now) and it is my Thursday is still a bit strange to me. I think I work for some cool people.
Another reason that I think I work for some cool people is that today I asked if it would be possible for me to go back to Indiana for Thanksgiving (being that it's been 10 years at least since I've been able to go home for a holiday). Not only did my boss say yes, she also said "I think you should go". How cool is that? So as long as I can score a plane ticket I will actually be able to see my family for Thanksgiving Day. And some friends while I'm there as well. I'm pretty excited at the prospect.
In the years that I've lived here, going home for a holiday has always been out of the question. Either because I was working in food service or where I worked was inadequately staffed. The place I work now is still part of the service industry but is pretty much fully staffed. Or at least staffed enough for me to finally get away for a holiday.
It'll be good to be back there for this holiday. Have I've said here before, I miss my family more and more. Especially my brother and sister. Today I was able to tell both of them and they both seemed pretty stoked.
If I were savvy and silly enough I'd set up a "Send Me Home for Thanksgiving" tip jar. But I'm not so I won't.
Another reason that I think I work for some cool people is that today I asked if it would be possible for me to go back to Indiana for Thanksgiving (being that it's been 10 years at least since I've been able to go home for a holiday). Not only did my boss say yes, she also said "I think you should go". How cool is that? So as long as I can score a plane ticket I will actually be able to see my family for Thanksgiving Day. And some friends while I'm there as well. I'm pretty excited at the prospect.
In the years that I've lived here, going home for a holiday has always been out of the question. Either because I was working in food service or where I worked was inadequately staffed. The place I work now is still part of the service industry but is pretty much fully staffed. Or at least staffed enough for me to finally get away for a holiday.
It'll be good to be back there for this holiday. Have I've said here before, I miss my family more and more. Especially my brother and sister. Today I was able to tell both of them and they both seemed pretty stoked.
If I were savvy and silly enough I'd set up a "Send Me Home for Thanksgiving" tip jar. But I'm not so I won't.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
That song
I love it when a song just gets me right there. Guided by Voices has at least one of those songs. The one at this very moment is "I am a Tree". I can't describe it other than it has one hell of a catchy guitar riff and some awesome rhythm. And the lyrics are pretty cool. If I wasn't tied to my headphones and the roommates weren't sleeping I'd probably just crank it and jump around the room playing air guitar.
That moment when you hear a song like that for the first time is like no other. You know, when that deacon is made to add this song to the sound track of your life. At least in my case. And I have quite a few, so many I couldn't name them all even if I tried and they run through the course of rock-n-roll (I'm including hip-hop in here as well) history.
Lately, I've been digging in the vaults and pulling out stuff that is easily close to twenty years old. A partial list: REM "Life's Rich pageant", Husker Du "New Day Rising" and random singles from Joy Divison and Mission of Burma. I just hope I'm not living in the past.
That moment when you hear a song like that for the first time is like no other. You know, when that deacon is made to add this song to the sound track of your life. At least in my case. And I have quite a few, so many I couldn't name them all even if I tried and they run through the course of rock-n-roll (I'm including hip-hop in here as well) history.
Lately, I've been digging in the vaults and pulling out stuff that is easily close to twenty years old. A partial list: REM "Life's Rich pageant", Husker Du "New Day Rising" and random singles from Joy Divison and Mission of Burma. I just hope I'm not living in the past.
You're still younger
Today is my brother's birthday. So if you are reading this, Happy Birthday Hutch.
As I was writing that I realized that I have never mentioned just how cool my brother is (and my sister for that matter). It makes me wonder if my parents know just what kind of kids they raised. All and all we turned out pretty good. Even though he is just a little younger than me, Hutch is almost a role model to me. He is the one that has helped encourage my love of skating (even though I don't do it as much as I should), turned me on to awesome bands and has shown that it is possible to go for what you want to do no matter how hard it is. There is a reason that everytime I'm with him we always run into someone who knows and holds him in esteem.
Not only that but he has a magical power over beagles. I can't figure it out but from what I can see beagles are drawn to him (and he to beagles). Just recently another beagle came into his life and I can't wait to meet her.
Like I said, Happy Birthday brother.
As I was writing that I realized that I have never mentioned just how cool my brother is (and my sister for that matter). It makes me wonder if my parents know just what kind of kids they raised. All and all we turned out pretty good. Even though he is just a little younger than me, Hutch is almost a role model to me. He is the one that has helped encourage my love of skating (even though I don't do it as much as I should), turned me on to awesome bands and has shown that it is possible to go for what you want to do no matter how hard it is. There is a reason that everytime I'm with him we always run into someone who knows and holds him in esteem.
Not only that but he has a magical power over beagles. I can't figure it out but from what I can see beagles are drawn to him (and he to beagles). Just recently another beagle came into his life and I can't wait to meet her.
Like I said, Happy Birthday brother.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Well just a bit late
This is a photo from the weekend I am still recovering from. Or at least one night of the weekend. This would be a shot of Guns and Rosa Parks who came up from Ft. Collins and played the Rio along with Rusty Shackleford and The Plagiarists. It was quite fun and nowhere as near as violent as the last show with Rusty Shackleford. I suspect I was the only one to leave bleeding and I didn't even discover it until the next morning.
Truth be told I kind of blown away about how this shot turned out. After looking at it for awhile I figured out that the ghost double shot was due to someone elses flash going of. It totally makes me want to get a slave flash. Such a cool effect. Like most of my photos, luck played a large part in getting this shot. I was just going for the jump in the air.
The turnout was good that night considering there was a Brewfest the same day and almost everyone in town was already drunk. Not me, I'm on 10 years of not going and this year I could have. I didn't want to break my streak or anything.
Truth be told I kind of blown away about how this shot turned out. After looking at it for awhile I figured out that the ghost double shot was due to someone elses flash going of. It totally makes me want to get a slave flash. Such a cool effect. Like most of my photos, luck played a large part in getting this shot. I was just going for the jump in the air.
The turnout was good that night considering there was a Brewfest the same day and almost everyone in town was already drunk. Not me, I'm on 10 years of not going and this year I could have. I didn't want to break my streak or anything.
Ramble on and on
Man, once again it seems that I'm out of touch with what is going on in the outside world. This is what happens when I don't spend hours at a time glued to the Internet. Of course, it is September which is generally a slow news month other than the normal death and mayhem that happens every day. Oh yeah, I guess we have a war going on but at this point what can I say? I'll leave that topic for the political blogs.
I seem to have no real focus these days. As much as I'm looking forward to winter and snowboarding it doesn't seem to be enough this year. And I think this may be the first time I've ever felt like that. It has to be a yet another sign that I'm really to give up this place. I'm not really sad about it either, the prospect of leaving is actually exciting. I know I've left before but it wasn't very long and not totally my choice (not that I regret my stay in Ft. Collins, far from it. I met some really cool people.). But the next time I leave is because I'm choosing to.
I'm jumping all over the place here. Like I said, I seem to have a lack of focus lately.
Maybe it's just this time of year. Autumn (or the mountain's version of it) seems to be a time when one can take a step back and reflect. Maybe that's what I'm doing. The strange thing is this is usually the only part of the year I get homesick but this whole past summer I've longed to be back in Indiana. Lord only knows why, it would be almost like starting over when I do go back. But this time of year there is the scents and colors that make fall truly fall.
Wow, I totally just rambled my way through this one.
I seem to have no real focus these days. As much as I'm looking forward to winter and snowboarding it doesn't seem to be enough this year. And I think this may be the first time I've ever felt like that. It has to be a yet another sign that I'm really to give up this place. I'm not really sad about it either, the prospect of leaving is actually exciting. I know I've left before but it wasn't very long and not totally my choice (not that I regret my stay in Ft. Collins, far from it. I met some really cool people.). But the next time I leave is because I'm choosing to.
I'm jumping all over the place here. Like I said, I seem to have a lack of focus lately.
Maybe it's just this time of year. Autumn (or the mountain's version of it) seems to be a time when one can take a step back and reflect. Maybe that's what I'm doing. The strange thing is this is usually the only part of the year I get homesick but this whole past summer I've longed to be back in Indiana. Lord only knows why, it would be almost like starting over when I do go back. But this time of year there is the scents and colors that make fall truly fall.
Wow, I totally just rambled my way through this one.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Lazy
I think I've been feeling a little lazy lately. I have close to 200 photos from the weekend to go though and I just can't get started on it. It could be the overwhelming amount and the fact that anything I want to put online needs to be resized and edited. I started a bit tonight and just gave up. Of course starting at 1 am may have something to do with it as well. Maybe I shouldn't take so many pictures.
Plus I've been totally geeking out on Yahoo! Instant Messenger. It's fun and I've been talking to people I haven't talked to in years. I'd rather do that than edit photos. There is enough of that kind of thing at work to do and it's not even my stuff at work. I'm sure I'll find my momentum in the next couple of days but not tonight.
And of course Myspace keeps dragging me in. Now I discovered the games and that's just not good at all. The greatest waste of time are puzzle games and I am hooked. I'll have to stop the moment I start dreaming in them (that's when I knew I had to quit Tetris).
I think I need to get out of town. Maybe that will help.
Plus I've been totally geeking out on Yahoo! Instant Messenger. It's fun and I've been talking to people I haven't talked to in years. I'd rather do that than edit photos. There is enough of that kind of thing at work to do and it's not even my stuff at work. I'm sure I'll find my momentum in the next couple of days but not tonight.
And of course Myspace keeps dragging me in. Now I discovered the games and that's just not good at all. The greatest waste of time are puzzle games and I am hooked. I'll have to stop the moment I start dreaming in them (that's when I knew I had to quit Tetris).
I think I need to get out of town. Maybe that will help.
Sleeping it off
So I'm attempting to cut back on the booze a bit. It's not one of those things where I am quitting, but I need to try and go to sleep without it. There was a time when I didn't feel I had to drink to sleep but I've been scared of insomnia since the last bout.
The good news is I'm not getting the DTs so I'm pretty sure I'm not an alcoholic. And I'm not standing by the fridge at 1:30 in the morning debating whether I should open a beer for the heck of it.
Recently, I realized there hadn't been a day without me taking a drink in a long time. So this week is time to slow down. Plus I'm freaking broke and I doubt if I'll quit smoking this week, so I'll just cut my expenses in the booze department. Or at least until I feel it's been long enough.
It really is the fear of insomnia that has driven me to drink every night for the last few months. I am prone to really bad bouts of insomnia that give me an hour of sleep sometimes. The prospect of laying in bed tossing and turning is distressing to me. And so I drink to fend it off. Maybe I'm chasing demons through a bottle but there can be demons in the bottle as well.
The good news is I'm not getting the DTs so I'm pretty sure I'm not an alcoholic. And I'm not standing by the fridge at 1:30 in the morning debating whether I should open a beer for the heck of it.
Recently, I realized there hadn't been a day without me taking a drink in a long time. So this week is time to slow down. Plus I'm freaking broke and I doubt if I'll quit smoking this week, so I'll just cut my expenses in the booze department. Or at least until I feel it's been long enough.
It really is the fear of insomnia that has driven me to drink every night for the last few months. I am prone to really bad bouts of insomnia that give me an hour of sleep sometimes. The prospect of laying in bed tossing and turning is distressing to me. And so I drink to fend it off. Maybe I'm chasing demons through a bottle but there can be demons in the bottle as well.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Laundry Hell
One of the other disadvantages of the power loss in our house is that the washer and dryer are on one of the dead circuits. Which means until those circuits are restored it's off to the Laundromat. I really don't like going to the Laundromat and this weekend it was especially hellacious. In fact I ended up at two. The one at Central Park Plaza (which doesn't even have a name other than Laundromat) is horrible. The previous times I had been there were tolerable but this time was ridiculous. First I lost money in one of the machines. Fine, try another one. Shortly after two other people lose money in other machines. Then I discover the change machine is broken and not of the other stores will sell quarters. That's it. I decided to go to the on on the other side of town. That one was fine. And my clothes were dried in record time. All I have to say is the one at Central Park Plaza is pathetic and I will be going to Steamboat Cleaners from now on.
Friday, September 16, 2005
You spin me right round, like a record baby
I'm beginning to think I have almost too much punk rock on my iTunes. For the first time I hit the random button and every song but one has been some kind of punk. Admittedly punk is a big part of my musical heritage and I still enjoy it but as I've gotten mellower. Or as one of my friends says, "you listen to old guy music". I can't help the fact that I've mellowed out. It's not as though I pulling out Enya or something like that (although if I remember, Enya is good sleeping music). I guess I'm just surprised that I had so much of that stuff in there. Of course, since I started writing this the punk seems to have stopped.
As I've said before, I'm always looking for new music. Now that I've returned to the mountains, I've been relying on Internet radio for newer bands to check out. I don't know that many people up here that are keeping up with what is going on in the genres that I tend to listen to.
The truth is I've been in a phase of discovering or rediscovering older bands that I seemed to have missed the first time around. Maybe my age is starting to take it's toll. That and many of the bands that I've enjoyed for years are broken up or soon will be. There is just so much out there new and old to keep up and catch up with.
So what is in rotation for me these days? Right now the Surly Mayfly has Belle & Sebastian's "Dear Catastrophe Waitress" in the CD player. Earlier today I had Husker Du's "New Day Rising" (1984, now I feel really old) on while I was taking a shower. Ride "Nowhere" is up there along with "The Further Adventures of Lord Quas" by Quasimodo. I know there is some other stuff but I can't place it.
I think it's time for some more music trading.
As I've said before, I'm always looking for new music. Now that I've returned to the mountains, I've been relying on Internet radio for newer bands to check out. I don't know that many people up here that are keeping up with what is going on in the genres that I tend to listen to.
The truth is I've been in a phase of discovering or rediscovering older bands that I seemed to have missed the first time around. Maybe my age is starting to take it's toll. That and many of the bands that I've enjoyed for years are broken up or soon will be. There is just so much out there new and old to keep up and catch up with.
So what is in rotation for me these days? Right now the Surly Mayfly has Belle & Sebastian's "Dear Catastrophe Waitress" in the CD player. Earlier today I had Husker Du's "New Day Rising" (1984, now I feel really old) on while I was taking a shower. Ride "Nowhere" is up there along with "The Further Adventures of Lord Quas" by Quasimodo. I know there is some other stuff but I can't place it.
I think it's time for some more music trading.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Colder and lonelier
The nights of cruising around on bicycles are quickly coming to an end. It's just getting to be a bit too cold. It can still be done but it requires proper layering at this point. Hoodies are just not warm enough. Bummer, this just means I'm going to have to walk when coming home from the bar. Although soon the free bus will be running later again.
As the nights grow colder, it seems my sense of loneliness grows as well. Not loneliness as in the lack of friends. I have plenty of those. But the lack of a warmer body next to mine while I'm sleeping. Of all the things that I miss about dating that may be one of the parts I miss the most. There is just something about sharing a bed and waking up next to someone that is wonderful. Truly it's been too long for me.
In a matter of days I'll be hitting the two year mark of celibacy (or is it abstinence? I always get those two confused). I really don't know what to think about it. Is it a good thing for me? In a way it is, I hadn't really wanted to get involved with anyone for most of the last two years and I'm too poor to date. Furthermore the thought of a one night stand just doesn't appeal to me that much so I don't even bother trying. I think at this point I'm just confused; on one hand I'm fine being on my own and yet on the other I truly desire the companionship that comes from a relationship. Oh, to be younger and wiser.
Tonight, the thing I think I want the most is just to crawl into bed next to someone and feel their warmth.
As the nights grow colder, it seems my sense of loneliness grows as well. Not loneliness as in the lack of friends. I have plenty of those. But the lack of a warmer body next to mine while I'm sleeping. Of all the things that I miss about dating that may be one of the parts I miss the most. There is just something about sharing a bed and waking up next to someone that is wonderful. Truly it's been too long for me.
In a matter of days I'll be hitting the two year mark of celibacy (or is it abstinence? I always get those two confused). I really don't know what to think about it. Is it a good thing for me? In a way it is, I hadn't really wanted to get involved with anyone for most of the last two years and I'm too poor to date. Furthermore the thought of a one night stand just doesn't appeal to me that much so I don't even bother trying. I think at this point I'm just confused; on one hand I'm fine being on my own and yet on the other I truly desire the companionship that comes from a relationship. Oh, to be younger and wiser.
Tonight, the thing I think I want the most is just to crawl into bed next to someone and feel their warmth.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
200 Already?!
Tonight when signing in to Blogger, I noticed that this is my 200th post. Yay for me! I'm actually surprised I lasted this long. If it wasn't so late I might just get drunk or something. This may be one of the first things other than a job that I've kept doing on a regular basis (oh yeah, snowboarding). I've never even kept a journal this long as far as I can remember.
Of course, I do it for you, my nine or so loyal readers. And I thank you for reading my silly little rants and raves. Those of you that leave comments (except for the spammers), thanks again. I do read them and take them to heart.
Oh wait, maybe I do this for myself? I'm not sure.
I'd add some kind of cool picture but I'm not near my camera. Having the steel trap memory that I do, somehow I managed to leave my camera at work. Lord knows that's the first time anything like that has ever happened.
Anyway, thank you all for reading my silly little thing here.
Live long and prosper.
Of course, I do it for you, my nine or so loyal readers. And I thank you for reading my silly little rants and raves. Those of you that leave comments (except for the spammers), thanks again. I do read them and take them to heart.
Oh wait, maybe I do this for myself? I'm not sure.
I'd add some kind of cool picture but I'm not near my camera. Having the steel trap memory that I do, somehow I managed to leave my camera at work. Lord knows that's the first time anything like that has ever happened.
Anyway, thank you all for reading my silly little thing here.
Live long and prosper.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Buy the Sky and sell the Sky
Someone told me the other day that there needs to be a little more controversy here. Or at least on my part. Unfortunately, I generally have a hard time sharing my harsher opinions.
There was a time when there were enough of the dregs of society coming into my place of my employment that I had plenty to say. But now most of the people are pretty cool that frequent my workspace. Of course there are the jerks but they are mostly confined to on particular industry: Real Estate. Compared to real estate agents and developers, even most of the lawyers some across as cool. I think part of the problem I have with real estate types is that they are directly responsible for the sharp increase in the cost of property, the decline of our working community and the horrific suburbanization in this area (yeah, yeah I know all about the whole supply and demand thing but still). Not only that, but most of them are insufferable jerks. They drive gaudy gas guzzling vehicles that have four wheel drive but never leave the pavement. Really, does that Cadillac Esclade serve any real purpose? They walk around like they own the town, when in fact all they have ever done is sold the town (and some would say, sold it out). And they expect us to be mind readers.
Maybe it's the residual anarchist in me but I still question the concept of owning land (even I, myself would like to own some, just not here). It seems the phrase "property is theft" still holds some weight in my puny little brain. I think I grasp it on a theoretical level and seeing in action disturbs me somewhat. I'll accept the fact that I'm a hypocrite, I have material goods that I consider mine and would be less than willing to give up. But there could be that moment where I give it all up and walk away.
The balance of materialism can be a delicate one, if overthought. Over the years I've collected a lot of stuff and certain items have memories or functions attached to them. I'd be hard pressed to give them up. My computer is an excellent example. It functions as my connection to the outside world to a degree. And I think I would be just a bit lost without that connection it provides me. Or Trusty Stead (my bike) without which I'd have been arrested for DUIs too may times. There are possessions that while not entirely necessary are quite handy and useful to have. Yet some things are just not useful to have.
Who am I to say? I am a hypocrite. I am a packrat, I have magazines from years ago and an overabundance of books and music. In my possession there are boxes of pictures, letters and various other miscellaneous items. Must I have these? No. And yet I carry them from house to house and occasionally look at them.
All of this materalism has thrown me off track. I think all I wanted to say was that I thought some of the real estate types can be...
There was a time when there were enough of the dregs of society coming into my place of my employment that I had plenty to say. But now most of the people are pretty cool that frequent my workspace. Of course there are the jerks but they are mostly confined to on particular industry: Real Estate. Compared to real estate agents and developers, even most of the lawyers some across as cool. I think part of the problem I have with real estate types is that they are directly responsible for the sharp increase in the cost of property, the decline of our working community and the horrific suburbanization in this area (yeah, yeah I know all about the whole supply and demand thing but still). Not only that, but most of them are insufferable jerks. They drive gaudy gas guzzling vehicles that have four wheel drive but never leave the pavement. Really, does that Cadillac Esclade serve any real purpose? They walk around like they own the town, when in fact all they have ever done is sold the town (and some would say, sold it out). And they expect us to be mind readers.
Maybe it's the residual anarchist in me but I still question the concept of owning land (even I, myself would like to own some, just not here). It seems the phrase "property is theft" still holds some weight in my puny little brain. I think I grasp it on a theoretical level and seeing in action disturbs me somewhat. I'll accept the fact that I'm a hypocrite, I have material goods that I consider mine and would be less than willing to give up. But there could be that moment where I give it all up and walk away.
The balance of materialism can be a delicate one, if overthought. Over the years I've collected a lot of stuff and certain items have memories or functions attached to them. I'd be hard pressed to give them up. My computer is an excellent example. It functions as my connection to the outside world to a degree. And I think I would be just a bit lost without that connection it provides me. Or Trusty Stead (my bike) without which I'd have been arrested for DUIs too may times. There are possessions that while not entirely necessary are quite handy and useful to have. Yet some things are just not useful to have.
Who am I to say? I am a hypocrite. I am a packrat, I have magazines from years ago and an overabundance of books and music. In my possession there are boxes of pictures, letters and various other miscellaneous items. Must I have these? No. And yet I carry them from house to house and occasionally look at them.
All of this materalism has thrown me off track. I think all I wanted to say was that I thought some of the real estate types can be...
Monday, September 12, 2005
Sunday
Earlier last week I made a quiet promise to myself that I would keep it mellow for the next few weeks or so. Damn am I good at lying to myself. Of course it was nothing like last weekend. There was no rock star behavior or associated baccanalia. Although there were spirits consumed, the amount was nothing like recent memory.
There was an employee party over the weekend and I was able to make today's portion of the festivities. The party itself started sometime last night but I wasn't able to go. Today was enough of an adventure for me. It all started off with the pineapple. From there it was just pure entertainment. We set off on a pontoon boat ride around the lake with an eventual goal of finding the cows and making fun of them. You know, because they are cows and all. After the pineapple was emptied is when are trip took on shades of the USS Minnow. The first sign was when the boat did a bit of a nose dive (if pontoon boats can do that) and we took on water. Thankfully it all drained. Then John (the shipping guy and The Man) ran out of fishing line, it flew right off the spool. But the real incident is when the boat ran out of gas. Now the prospect of getting stranded on a lake in a boat with no gas might be disturbing to some but it seems we just laughed at it. Long story short, after floating, getting tugged around the island by some crew members we finally got gas and headed back to shore. What fun!
Anyway I'm just ready to sleep now.
There was an employee party over the weekend and I was able to make today's portion of the festivities. The party itself started sometime last night but I wasn't able to go. Today was enough of an adventure for me. It all started off with the pineapple. From there it was just pure entertainment. We set off on a pontoon boat ride around the lake with an eventual goal of finding the cows and making fun of them. You know, because they are cows and all. After the pineapple was emptied is when are trip took on shades of the USS Minnow. The first sign was when the boat did a bit of a nose dive (if pontoon boats can do that) and we took on water. Thankfully it all drained. Then John (the shipping guy and The Man) ran out of fishing line, it flew right off the spool. But the real incident is when the boat ran out of gas. Now the prospect of getting stranded on a lake in a boat with no gas might be disturbing to some but it seems we just laughed at it. Long story short, after floating, getting tugged around the island by some crew members we finally got gas and headed back to shore. What fun!
Anyway I'm just ready to sleep now.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
(not) up all night
When I first started working in the gas station racket I was hired to work the graveyard shift three nights a week including the weekend. In hindsight, this is the job that truly taught me how to be surly if need be. Some nights it felt like I was defending the store from drunken hordes (at one point I put that on my resume). On the same hands I met some really cool people working that shift. People I still see around and a few that I'm still friends with (even though I don't call them as much as I should). Of course there were the ones that needed firm treatment, there were even a few that I 86'd from my shift. The one solace is that there are just a few out there that have pulled that shift off with the amount of surliness and humor that is needed to be a true graveyard master. I'd like to think that I pulled it off.
It is one of those jobs where you have to provide yourself with your own entertainment. So I did. There were some nights where I played a game called "Sing for your Cigarettes". This game consisted of one criteria: if I thought you did a sufficient rendition of a song of my own choosing then you got a free pack of cigarettes. It was amazing what songs people could recall for the anticipation of free smokes. I still remember the three girls singing "Like a Virgin" one night. Of course there was also the question of the night, which I heavily borrowed from a graveyard clerk in Boulder. Usually it consisted of a question that posed a moral quandary to the poor confused customer.
Truth be told, I don't miss those days as fun they were. I doubt if I could bring myself to do it anymore. Where I'm at is better. But it is one of those things like shooting a gun or riding Greyhound that every American should do at least once.
It is one of those jobs where you have to provide yourself with your own entertainment. So I did. There were some nights where I played a game called "Sing for your Cigarettes". This game consisted of one criteria: if I thought you did a sufficient rendition of a song of my own choosing then you got a free pack of cigarettes. It was amazing what songs people could recall for the anticipation of free smokes. I still remember the three girls singing "Like a Virgin" one night. Of course there was also the question of the night, which I heavily borrowed from a graveyard clerk in Boulder. Usually it consisted of a question that posed a moral quandary to the poor confused customer.
Truth be told, I don't miss those days as fun they were. I doubt if I could bring myself to do it anymore. Where I'm at is better. But it is one of those things like shooting a gun or riding Greyhound that every American should do at least once.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Fast Approaching
According to the weathermen, we are in a monsoon pattern up here in the mountains. This doesn't necessarily mean that it rains the entire day. What it does mean is that there are ominous dark clouds floating over us most of the day. These clouds can make for some quite striking mountainscapes. Sometimes the clouds will just linger over the tops of the mountains, almost like something on the cover of a Led Zepplin album or Tolkien novel. And with the foliage starting to change, the plants themselves provide some color to the otherwise gray backdrop.
Very soon, it will be time to break out the tripod and try to capture some of the changes once again. It's not quite to the point where I'm missing shots yet.
This is the time of year that my thoughts usually turn towards the Midwest. Fall has always had this call for me. The colors here are quite nice but there is nothing that compares to fall east of the Mississippi River. There are just so many more kinds of trees to provide an explosion of fall color. Unfortunately this is the first fall in a long time I'm not able to be back in the Midwest to enjoy the colors. I was blessed to be there during the peak last year.
There really is no autumn up here. It goes straight from summer to fall and then to winter. Which is fine as long as the winter is your focus. The Hoosier in me misses the autumn greatly though.
Very soon, it will be time to break out the tripod and try to capture some of the changes once again. It's not quite to the point where I'm missing shots yet.
This is the time of year that my thoughts usually turn towards the Midwest. Fall has always had this call for me. The colors here are quite nice but there is nothing that compares to fall east of the Mississippi River. There are just so many more kinds of trees to provide an explosion of fall color. Unfortunately this is the first fall in a long time I'm not able to be back in the Midwest to enjoy the colors. I was blessed to be there during the peak last year.
There really is no autumn up here. It goes straight from summer to fall and then to winter. Which is fine as long as the winter is your focus. The Hoosier in me misses the autumn greatly though.
Friday, September 09, 2005
They were right (and FEMA is not good)
As I've said before, conspiracy theories are a bit of an indulgence of mine so when I see what appears to be parts of these theories coming reality I feel a little odd. For years I've been hearing how FEMA is the mechanism in which a totalitarian regime (or one world government) would use to subdue the masses in this country. Much of this centered on Relocation (Prison) Camps. For various theorist these camps were to be used for numerous kinds of dissenters and the like, most of them being on the right side of the American political spectrum (surprisingly when I googled for FEMA +camps +liberals I seemed to stumbled across a lot of 404 Errors, hmmmm).
It seems that those that were shouting about the dangers of FEMA weren't so far off the mark. Whether it's keeping firemen from doing the job they were trained for (and not speaking to the press!), utter incompetence (we all knew by this point!) by the head of FEMA or that no one can come into or leave the camps makes that much more scary and disturbing. Not only that, it's happening three hours away from me.
It disturbs me when these so-called theories bust through the fabric of implausiblity and into reality. Although in the last five years or so I've become less and less surprise and more terrified. The thing that saddens me is that it's not external forces that terrify me, it's my own government.
It seems that those that were shouting about the dangers of FEMA weren't so far off the mark. Whether it's keeping firemen from doing the job they were trained for (and not speaking to the press!), utter incompetence (we all knew by this point!) by the head of FEMA or that no one can come into or leave the camps makes that much more scary and disturbing. Not only that, it's happening three hours away from me.
It disturbs me when these so-called theories bust through the fabric of implausiblity and into reality. Although in the last five years or so I've become less and less surprise and more terrified. The thing that saddens me is that it's not external forces that terrify me, it's my own government.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
So it'll all be mud
Originally uploaded by surly monkey.
I feel myself slacking this week, it could just be because the pace here in town has slowed down a bit. Gone are the hordes of softball team attired tourists and their soap painted windows. The kids are back in school so the streets and sidewalks seem a touch less crowded (although I could pull the old "I remember when..."). Actually the streets don't seem that less crowded during the day, it's the evening where you can really notice it.
In not too many days there will be snow on the ground one morning when I wake up. As this could easily be my last winter here I need to take advantage of it as much as I can. I'm looking forward to it whatever the case.
For the next few weeks I'm going to just enjoy the slowed down pace. Yeah, I know that the pace here is always slow compared to almost any city but at least cities seem to flow better with a faster pace. I could complain about how this town isn't really built for all of these people and their cars (actually it's all the cars that bother me so much) but in fact there is plenty of empty beds for them. And really without them none of us would be here. So as long as they stay away for a few seeks or months I'm OK with that.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
it all ties together
It seems that I've accidentally stumbled into conspiracy world tonight. Conspiracies are an indulgence that I don't often allow myself to sample. I find I'm a little to prone to accept or even create conspiracies. But tonight, it seems I dove in. Of course what lead to this really can't be labeled a conspiracy. It is a story of a game show who, with enough help and observance figured out a way to win the game. Of course with an index page name like this, I just couldn't resist. I've read just a few and from what I see by the titles there are one or two of the classics missing but it's a fairly expansive list. Included are a a few that I've never heard or that are plausible and somewhat documented. Thankfully it's time to go to bed and I can't look at that page anymore.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Newer Music (maybe)
Oh man, I'm so happy when I catch a song from a band I've never heard before off of Indie Pop Rocks on Soma FM. Tonight what caught my ear was a song from the band The Jane Anchor the song was called "Skyline". And then I discovered you can buy songs directly off iTunes through Soma FM's playlists. How cool is that? And as I listen to this song, it is a rocker.
Sometimes when I'm sitting here late at night I'm torn between whether I listen to Internet radio or things I already own. Usually I opt for the radio because after living in a radio wasteland for the last ten years I am quite happy to hear things I don't already have. And yes the real radio up here still sucks. That is, unless you have satellite or Internet radio.
Yeah, and I keep hearing telegraph on this station. I'm going to have to check them out now. Damn.
Sometimes when I'm sitting here late at night I'm torn between whether I listen to Internet radio or things I already own. Usually I opt for the radio because after living in a radio wasteland for the last ten years I am quite happy to hear things I don't already have. And yes the real radio up here still sucks. That is, unless you have satellite or Internet radio.
Yeah, and I keep hearing telegraph on this station. I'm going to have to check them out now. Damn.
Stupid Internets
The text and image based realm that blogs inhabit have a few drawbacks. Most obvious is the lack of facial expression and vocal intonation. Until there is a sarcasm (or at least tongue in cheek) tag in HTML it's tough to know what just kind of tone something is written.
The other day a friend thought I had been offended by something he said. I wasn't. He had a valid point and I needed a reminder of what the truly important things in this world are. But I was using his mild criticism as a device to show that I was a little insensitive to what was really going on.
I welcome criticism, there really is no way to improve as a person and what not without it. So when I get slightly scolded here, whether it's about my lack of seeing the bigger picture or even just sloppy grammar, I take it to heart. If you readers and commenters could hear they way my friends talk about me, you'd know that it takes a lot to offend me.
The other day a friend thought I had been offended by something he said. I wasn't. He had a valid point and I needed a reminder of what the truly important things in this world are. But I was using his mild criticism as a device to show that I was a little insensitive to what was really going on.
I welcome criticism, there really is no way to improve as a person and what not without it. So when I get slightly scolded here, whether it's about my lack of seeing the bigger picture or even just sloppy grammar, I take it to heart. If you readers and commenters could hear they way my friends talk about me, you'd know that it takes a lot to offend me.
Monday, September 05, 2005
Rock-n-Roll Weekend
Wow. What a weekend, I think past weekend would go into the rock-n-roll weekend category. Sheesh. I just hope I didn't reset my sleep schedule again. I guess tonight will me the night I find out. I didn't even get home until six in the morning one night. I'll just thankful Trusty Stead came through for me once again. I'll have a few photos up as the next few days go on.
It was a night and a day of rock-n-roll show and way to much alcohol. Saturday night was The Plagiarists and American Relay along with DJ Also Starring. Quite fun and there was much (perhaps too much) flowing of the spirits. After the show Trusty Stead and I rode down to a party where Battleship had their debut, of which I seem to be a part of. As the singer. Thank god for distortion pedals and the like. I couldn't even tell you how long we played for and at some point I switched over to playing guitar. What you need to know here is that I have no idea how to play guitar (or any instrument for that matter) so once again delay and distortion pedals came in quite handy.
Sunday was the Labor Day festivies in Oak Creek (a nearby town). Again The Plagiarists and American Relay played. I have to say that both bands sounded a lot better at this performance. Maybe it was the fact that the vocals weren't muffled but I think there was more to it than that. Both bands were just on.
After returning to Steamboat and resting it was time to go and try and win the PBR cruiser that Mazolla's was giving away. None of us won but it was still fun none the less.
Today I did nothing but drink coffee and eat sporadically. Dang, I needed to do laundry.
It was a night and a day of rock-n-roll show and way to much alcohol. Saturday night was The Plagiarists and American Relay along with DJ Also Starring. Quite fun and there was much (perhaps too much) flowing of the spirits. After the show Trusty Stead and I rode down to a party where Battleship had their debut, of which I seem to be a part of. As the singer. Thank god for distortion pedals and the like. I couldn't even tell you how long we played for and at some point I switched over to playing guitar. What you need to know here is that I have no idea how to play guitar (or any instrument for that matter) so once again delay and distortion pedals came in quite handy.
Sunday was the Labor Day festivies in Oak Creek (a nearby town). Again The Plagiarists and American Relay played. I have to say that both bands sounded a lot better at this performance. Maybe it was the fact that the vocals weren't muffled but I think there was more to it than that. Both bands were just on.
After returning to Steamboat and resting it was time to go and try and win the PBR cruiser that Mazolla's was giving away. None of us won but it was still fun none the less.
Today I did nothing but drink coffee and eat sporadically. Dang, I needed to do laundry.
Friday, September 02, 2005
It's getting bad
After having been slightly scolded by Jackass Jimmy(I could try and defend myself but not tonight), I have to say the situation in New Orleans blows me away. This photo says a lot to me. I'd show it here but I'm not that smart. Not to denigrate the suffering that is happening in New Orleans but it reminds me of the horror of the "Dawn of the Dead" remake. Truthfully that movie scares the hell out of me and what I am seeing and reading from there reminds me of the no-mans land feeling that movie left me with. Of course I realize there are no zombies down in the Big Easy but the sheer devastation of an entire city just leaves me with this otherwordly feeling. I couldn't even imagine being there and going through what suffering these people are experiencing.
After just a few days the descent into total anarchy fascinates and repels me at the same time. That people are firing bullets at those are trying to save them and cops are tuning in their badges is just a sign of the chaos that is happening there. I know that this is where I am drawing the comparison to the movie from. The desperation of these people is unfathomable. And my heart goes out to the survivors and especially those who survived and lost more than just their possessions. Those are truly the ones who lost everything. God bless their souls.
After just a few days the descent into total anarchy fascinates and repels me at the same time. That people are firing bullets at those are trying to save them and cops are tuning in their badges is just a sign of the chaos that is happening there. I know that this is where I am drawing the comparison to the movie from. The desperation of these people is unfathomable. And my heart goes out to the survivors and especially those who survived and lost more than just their possessions. Those are truly the ones who lost everything. God bless their souls.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Justice
Well court wasn't as successful as I hoped it would be today. Apparently today was just the first hearing and as I didn't want to continue driving to Hot Sulpher Springs on a monthly basis, I just plead out. "Improper Mountain Driving" was my plead down ticket. At least it is only three points off my license. My one victory is that I got a laugh and a chuckle out of the judge. And to be honest that was almost worth the $70. Of course her honor was rather flippant about the whole traffic court thing anyway.
The really sad thing was waiting for court to start. It seems in Grand County divorce court happens before traffic court. Talking about eavesdropping on some of the most depressing conversations/moments ever witnessed by me. Across from me was a soon to be former couple who was doing what appeared to me a do-it-yourself divorce, the wife was crying her eyes out begging to make it work and the husband was just there stoic as much as he could be. As far as I could tell he was the one that initiated the divorce. I tried not to listen as I was listening but I couldn't help it. The other former couple could only communicate through lawyers. And from what I could hear the wife at poured beer all over his elk mount and shattered his golf clubs. All he wanted was his grandmothers octagonal table with the marble top. Of course he could have been a total ass to her for all I know.
All I can say it seems another nail has been hammered into the coffin of marriage for me. Which is sad because I wouldn't mind if I found the right one.
The really sad thing was waiting for court to start. It seems in Grand County divorce court happens before traffic court. Talking about eavesdropping on some of the most depressing conversations/moments ever witnessed by me. Across from me was a soon to be former couple who was doing what appeared to me a do-it-yourself divorce, the wife was crying her eyes out begging to make it work and the husband was just there stoic as much as he could be. As far as I could tell he was the one that initiated the divorce. I tried not to listen as I was listening but I couldn't help it. The other former couple could only communicate through lawyers. And from what I could hear the wife at poured beer all over his elk mount and shattered his golf clubs. All he wanted was his grandmothers octagonal table with the marble top. Of course he could have been a total ass to her for all I know.
All I can say it seems another nail has been hammered into the coffin of marriage for me. Which is sad because I wouldn't mind if I found the right one.
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