Wow! I really meant to write something last night but I was way to tired. It's been a big weekend. Between attending Halloween parties (it's a really big deal up here) and getting ready for today which is my birthday, I've been really busy and neglecting this space. One cool thing this weekend, I got to see Paradox and his sister in meatspace. It's always good to see him and I hadn't seen his sister in many years. Good seeing ya' man.
Have I ever mentioned how much my friends and roommates, Sam and Juli, kick ass? Well they do. For my birthday they gave me a coupon from them to pay for framing of my first two photos for my show. I was speechless when I saw that.
Anyway I have to head to work for what I hope is a short day. Then tonight is the party. If you're in Steamboat and don't already know, head on down to the Rio like 9:30ish for the Plagiarists and my birthday party.
Good day all.
PS LeeAnn beat me at Scrabble on Friday night. It was only twelve point but I'm still down 2-0. We're playing again girl!
Monday, October 31, 2005
Friday, October 28, 2005
Games
It may not be a good thing but I've reformed my PS2 calluses since we regained power in the house. I've been playing Gran Turismo 3 since I got the system last Christmas and just tonight I completed 50% of the game. It's a really deep game and quite addicting. I don't think it's improved my driving though. Just like playing the Tony Hawk games haven't improved my skating.
There is only one kind of game that has possibly improved any physical skill for me and that is the shooting games. And I mean the arcade versions where you hold the gun in your hand (such as Area 51). At times, I seem to be a good shot with rifles. Or at least as long as it's a stationary target. Unfortunately, I only got to go shooting once this whole warm season so I'm really rusty. And I still suck at skeet, golf ball or otherwise. I think I just need more practice. I'm hesitant to attribute what little target skill I have to a video game. I'd like to think that I just have good hand-eye coordination. But experience has taught me otherwise. Maybe it's that redneck blood coursing through my veins.
There is only one kind of game that has possibly improved any physical skill for me and that is the shooting games. And I mean the arcade versions where you hold the gun in your hand (such as Area 51). At times, I seem to be a good shot with rifles. Or at least as long as it's a stationary target. Unfortunately, I only got to go shooting once this whole warm season so I'm really rusty. And I still suck at skeet, golf ball or otherwise. I think I just need more practice. I'm hesitant to attribute what little target skill I have to a video game. I'd like to think that I just have good hand-eye coordination. But experience has taught me otherwise. Maybe it's that redneck blood coursing through my veins.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Time passes
It's starting to hit me that soon I'll be another year older. In four days or so depending on how you look at it. When I was a kid I looked far more forward to my birthday but I'm sure we all did. Having it on a holiday (Halloween if you must know) almost adds a lot of pressure to the day. In addition to having a birthday, I have to come up with a costume. And I hate that as I'm not very good at coming up with costumes. Usually I figure out a very lame costume at the very last minute, as some of you can attest to having known me in meatspace.
Having Halloween as a birthday can be an additional burden. People sort of expect a dark side. Which I have but try to keep under wraps as best I can. I know my efforts aren't that successful but whatever. In fact, to a degree I relish in my darkside. I can find the humor in death and destruction (maybe that's where the zombie thing comes from). Not in the suffering so much but more in the structures of man, the structures that people thought would stand the test of time. Nothing can stand against the sand of time and remain fully intact. Oh geez, what does this mean for the digital universe?
Whatever, I'm going to bed. Drunk. And laughing.
Having Halloween as a birthday can be an additional burden. People sort of expect a dark side. Which I have but try to keep under wraps as best I can. I know my efforts aren't that successful but whatever. In fact, to a degree I relish in my darkside. I can find the humor in death and destruction (maybe that's where the zombie thing comes from). Not in the suffering so much but more in the structures of man, the structures that people thought would stand the test of time. Nothing can stand against the sand of time and remain fully intact. Oh geez, what does this mean for the digital universe?
Whatever, I'm going to bed. Drunk. And laughing.
Leave me alone Mofo
Where can I start tonight? I wound up in the bar (the old standby bar that is) and the freak that always seems to show up showed up yet again. I swear this guy follows me any time I try to step foot in this bar. He is one of those guys that listens on the outskirts of conversations and laughs at inappropriate moments. Conversations that have nothing to do with him. I suspect he walks that fine line between drunkeness and mental illness. Even when there is nothing going around him he tends to blurt out a response having no idea that of what is happening around him.
Not that I should talk, I'm sure at times I exhibit signs of perceived mental illness when I'm under the infuence of illicit substances. But I assume that goes with the territory. I'd like to think that in the "normal" life I'm pretty much sane. I'm pretty good about keeping things inside that don't need to be displayed as a public spectacle. Of course, I'll let on to my current obsessions whether they be zombies, the Illumanti or whatever the theme of the week is. But beyond that, I can carry on a rational conversation as far as I can tell.
It probably wouldn't bother me so much if it didn't feel like this guy was everywhere I seem to be. Not to mention that at one point he tried to destroy my camera. In fact, that may be more what bothers me the most. But other than agents of the government, who the hell tries to destroy a camera? That was one of the few times in years I've had to stand up for myself. Maybe that is part of it. But I walked away with me and my camera intact.
Don't get me wrong, I've lived with and loved more than enough people who struggle with some form of mental illness. And yet they seem to be able to function within the confines of society.
I sometimes suspect this is an act for some. Although I doubt the sympathy vote is very high for types like this, maybe it works at some point. And if it does, should I try it?
Not that I should talk, I'm sure at times I exhibit signs of perceived mental illness when I'm under the infuence of illicit substances. But I assume that goes with the territory. I'd like to think that in the "normal" life I'm pretty much sane. I'm pretty good about keeping things inside that don't need to be displayed as a public spectacle. Of course, I'll let on to my current obsessions whether they be zombies, the Illumanti or whatever the theme of the week is. But beyond that, I can carry on a rational conversation as far as I can tell.
It probably wouldn't bother me so much if it didn't feel like this guy was everywhere I seem to be. Not to mention that at one point he tried to destroy my camera. In fact, that may be more what bothers me the most. But other than agents of the government, who the hell tries to destroy a camera? That was one of the few times in years I've had to stand up for myself. Maybe that is part of it. But I walked away with me and my camera intact.
Don't get me wrong, I've lived with and loved more than enough people who struggle with some form of mental illness. And yet they seem to be able to function within the confines of society.
I sometimes suspect this is an act for some. Although I doubt the sympathy vote is very high for types like this, maybe it works at some point. And if it does, should I try it?
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Living dead part 2
This whole zombie thing is getting out of hand now. I've been thinking about them and discussing zombie evasion and combat tactics for the last couple of days. It's not helping that others are contributing to the madness by engaging in and furthering the discussion.
Of all the horror movie monster types, zombies are one the few that any of us could become quite easily. At least in the realm of modern, Romeroesque zombies. That all it would take is a bite from an infected creature to turn one into a zombie is a bit closer to home than being chased by a Predator or Alien. Or that it all could start off by a virus of some sort. Which is even closer to home when you consider the various pandemics that this planet has experienced over the years.
Zombie movies, especially the Romero ones, always seem to have a social critique has a subtext. Be it the comment on racism of the original Night of the Living Dead or idea that consumerism has turned us all into zombies of Dawn of the Dead, it's there. Sometimes more subtle than other times but it is there.
Not to mention that zombie flicks can be pretty scary and shocking if done right. The make up guys can go overboard with the gore and effects if they like. And it would be a good zombie flick if there wasn't at least one freak that gets it's head blown off.
Now that I've got that out of the way, I'll try to never mention zombies again.
Of all the horror movie monster types, zombies are one the few that any of us could become quite easily. At least in the realm of modern, Romeroesque zombies. That all it would take is a bite from an infected creature to turn one into a zombie is a bit closer to home than being chased by a Predator or Alien. Or that it all could start off by a virus of some sort. Which is even closer to home when you consider the various pandemics that this planet has experienced over the years.
Zombie movies, especially the Romero ones, always seem to have a social critique has a subtext. Be it the comment on racism of the original Night of the Living Dead or idea that consumerism has turned us all into zombies of Dawn of the Dead, it's there. Sometimes more subtle than other times but it is there.
Not to mention that zombie flicks can be pretty scary and shocking if done right. The make up guys can go overboard with the gore and effects if they like. And it would be a good zombie flick if there wasn't at least one freak that gets it's head blown off.
Now that I've got that out of the way, I'll try to never mention zombies again.
Awake
Damn, I need to go to bed earlier. And yet once again I find myself here much later than I need to be.
Last night I had some strange dreams. I don't remember them now of course but I know they were odd. I just get this sense that they were. When I woke up I knew something had happened in that other world.
Even the feeling of having dreams is one I don't get very often. Hopefully, I'm not the only person out there that doesn't remember their dreams. Almost every morning I wake up with no recollection of my dreams or that I even had them.
I'll bet they were zombie related.
Last night I had some strange dreams. I don't remember them now of course but I know they were odd. I just get this sense that they were. When I woke up I knew something had happened in that other world.
Even the feeling of having dreams is one I don't get very often. Hopefully, I'm not the only person out there that doesn't remember their dreams. Almost every morning I wake up with no recollection of my dreams or that I even had them.
I'll bet they were zombie related.
Monday, October 24, 2005
The living dead
I hope that if I'm ever in a situation that involves hordes of flesh eating zombies I have enough ammo to fight them off. Unfortunately, my shotgun can only hold five rounds at most and I know there would be far more than five zombies if the movies are any guide. Of course if it descended to that point, I would break into the nearest sporting goods store stock up on firearms, ammo and then steal something that would drive up a wall and get the hell away from any population centers.
Everytime I watch a zombie flick I play the what if game with myself. Other than a nuclear holocaust, a viral zombie infestation is one of the worse scenarios I can imagine ever happening. Thankfully, those kinds of zombies aren't real. The jury is still out on the Voodoo type zombies though.
I've always had some form of worse case scenario fantasy in the back of my head. Not that long ago it was more of a Red Dawn type of thing but in the last few years it's been zombies. And after shooting off one shotgun slug and seeing the hole it punched in a piece of plywood, if I had a large supply of those I could probably fend off the zombie hordes for a little while. Especially if I weren't the only one fighting.
I'm not sure why I am so quick to embrace invasion fantasies or why I put myself on the resistance side of them. I suspect Hollywood has a fair amount to do with it. Survivor movies have always struck a chord with me and I do see myself as a survivor to a degree. Not that I've ever gone through anything horribly traumatic in my life but there have been a few close calls. In more a (somewhat) more realistic context, I would defend my country if it were to be invaded (although sometimes I suspect that's already happened and it came from the inside).
The chances of anything like this happening are really none, especially a zombie invasion. But if something close does I'd like to think I'm a bit ready for it. I'll at least get a couple of those flesh eating freaks before I go down.
Everytime I watch a zombie flick I play the what if game with myself. Other than a nuclear holocaust, a viral zombie infestation is one of the worse scenarios I can imagine ever happening. Thankfully, those kinds of zombies aren't real. The jury is still out on the Voodoo type zombies though.
I've always had some form of worse case scenario fantasy in the back of my head. Not that long ago it was more of a Red Dawn type of thing but in the last few years it's been zombies. And after shooting off one shotgun slug and seeing the hole it punched in a piece of plywood, if I had a large supply of those I could probably fend off the zombie hordes for a little while. Especially if I weren't the only one fighting.
I'm not sure why I am so quick to embrace invasion fantasies or why I put myself on the resistance side of them. I suspect Hollywood has a fair amount to do with it. Survivor movies have always struck a chord with me and I do see myself as a survivor to a degree. Not that I've ever gone through anything horribly traumatic in my life but there have been a few close calls. In more a (somewhat) more realistic context, I would defend my country if it were to be invaded (although sometimes I suspect that's already happened and it came from the inside).
The chances of anything like this happening are really none, especially a zombie invasion. But if something close does I'd like to think I'm a bit ready for it. I'll at least get a couple of those flesh eating freaks before I go down.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Things...
One tenet that many of the worlds religions have in common is the idea that people should not be attached to material possessions of this world. As much as I like this shared concept, I can't seem to put into practice very well. There is a lot of stuff packed into my living space. It doesn't help much that I come from a long line of packrats. I think I still have, in various locations, every magazine that I've bought or stolen since I was very young. I have small rocks from various parts of the world, strangely enough I remember where I got almost every one of them. In my boxes there are trinkets and tokens from my past, a past that I don't remember until I pull out one of these artifacts and it all comes back. Or at least the moment when I found or received said artifact.
As appealing as the idea of being free of material possessions is, the fact remains that I will never be able to live with just the clothes on my back. And really I don't think I would want to live that way. There is a level of stability that I like, and part of that is clean clothes and a roof over my head. And bathing. I've been to the point where I can smell myself before and I don't like it.
If I were put in the position of the old question of naming the three things I would save from a fire, I don't know what all three would be. I'd guess that two would be my computer stuff and my photos but I don't know what the last one or two would be. Maybe I'm closer than I realize.
As appealing as the idea of being free of material possessions is, the fact remains that I will never be able to live with just the clothes on my back. And really I don't think I would want to live that way. There is a level of stability that I like, and part of that is clean clothes and a roof over my head. And bathing. I've been to the point where I can smell myself before and I don't like it.
If I were put in the position of the old question of naming the three things I would save from a fire, I don't know what all three would be. I'd guess that two would be my computer stuff and my photos but I don't know what the last one or two would be. Maybe I'm closer than I realize.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
NWO & Marvel
In the last couple of nights I've spent way to much time catching up one comic book storylines. And I've come to discover, like Guided by Voices there is just too much for me to ever catch up. There is no way I'm going to go and buy comics again. I don't have the money and I don't want to allow myself to sink down to that level of geekdom. Graphic novels are a whole different story.
The thing about this refound fascination with comic books is that it is setting off some red flags to myself. Instead of dealing with the world around me, I seemed to be descending into a fantasy realms that only exist in print, words and film adaptions. My new escape from reality. This would not be the first time I've substituted a fantasy world for reality.
I spent quite a few years delving deep into conspiracy theories, UFOs and other paranormal worlds. Even to this day, there is something in the back of my head that tells me that there is a secretative cabal that pulls the strings of power on this little planet of ours. Whether this group is truly in cahoots with the Greys or any other alien groups is out of my league. In recent years I've tried to keep myself from getting to deep into this type of thing as I realize that it is mostly escapism and I was causing myself to be paranoid because of it.
What concerns me is that I could be replacing one fantasy for another. Although, at least I know that the Marvel Universe is a true figment of imagination. I'm still not so sure about the other.
The thing about this refound fascination with comic books is that it is setting off some red flags to myself. Instead of dealing with the world around me, I seemed to be descending into a fantasy realms that only exist in print, words and film adaptions. My new escape from reality. This would not be the first time I've substituted a fantasy world for reality.
I spent quite a few years delving deep into conspiracy theories, UFOs and other paranormal worlds. Even to this day, there is something in the back of my head that tells me that there is a secretative cabal that pulls the strings of power on this little planet of ours. Whether this group is truly in cahoots with the Greys or any other alien groups is out of my league. In recent years I've tried to keep myself from getting to deep into this type of thing as I realize that it is mostly escapism and I was causing myself to be paranoid because of it.
What concerns me is that I could be replacing one fantasy for another. Although, at least I know that the Marvel Universe is a true figment of imagination. I'm still not so sure about the other.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Holy Smokes! Batman!
Tonight we watched the newest Batman movie Batman Begins. Finally a good Batman movie, well other than the Tim Burton one but it's been so long since I've seen it I barely remember it. All of the others in between have been terrible as far as I can recall. And I've only watched them on cable. This one is dark and gritty the way a Batman movie should be. The casting was perfect, Michael Caine is the best as Alfred and there are even more surprises in the casting aspect.
I think one of the things I like the best is that it gave such a clear picture of the backstory that leads Bruce Wayne to become Batman. It dives deep into the impact that the murder of his parents have on him and his guilt over it. And for once we learn how he came to develop his fighting prowess and a decent explanation of where he gets his gadgets. Not to mention the writers didn't leave any glaring gaps in the script. I can't think of a single continuity question I have about the movie. Which is rare these days. And the set up for the sequel is not forced.
Batman Begins seems like they are restarting the franchise, which is good because the last few were a wash. Starting over is a good idea. I'm looking forward to the next one. Just please don't screw it up Hollywood.
I think one of the things I like the best is that it gave such a clear picture of the backstory that leads Bruce Wayne to become Batman. It dives deep into the impact that the murder of his parents have on him and his guilt over it. And for once we learn how he came to develop his fighting prowess and a decent explanation of where he gets his gadgets. Not to mention the writers didn't leave any glaring gaps in the script. I can't think of a single continuity question I have about the movie. Which is rare these days. And the set up for the sequel is not forced.
Batman Begins seems like they are restarting the franchise, which is good because the last few were a wash. Starting over is a good idea. I'm looking forward to the next one. Just please don't screw it up Hollywood.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Planning Dept.
It seems I've spent parts of my life waiting for the next thing instead of going out and making it happen. Maybe that's not quite precise, I spent a lot of time watching and then waiting. When I was younger and more confused it seems I was more likely to take chances and just do something. Nowadays, I have to have a plan or something. Which isn't a good thing as I've never good about putting plans together. I can't think of very many things that have happened in my life according to or even with any kind of plan. Almost everytime I've been hired somewhere it was the first place I've I applied. Even coming here to Colorado and staying was more accident than planned. I never intended to stay more than two weeks and now it's eleven years later.
This seems to indicate to me that planning (in respect to myself) is overrated. Or at least not very helpful. Obviously there are situations where a plan is important for a successful outcome. Like spaceflight. Or a war (I'm going to stop right there). The closest thing I'd like to come to a plan for myself at this point is a plan to quit smoking cigarettes and sell my freakin' truck.
I suspect there are at least two kinds of people in this world. Some of them make plans and stick to them and others just kind of take the world at the randomness that is inherent in the universe, and then there are some people that are hybrids of the two. It seems that both methods seem to work. Maybe some better than others.
Anyway the only plan I have right now is to try and fall asleep soon.
This seems to indicate to me that planning (in respect to myself) is overrated. Or at least not very helpful. Obviously there are situations where a plan is important for a successful outcome. Like spaceflight. Or a war (I'm going to stop right there). The closest thing I'd like to come to a plan for myself at this point is a plan to quit smoking cigarettes and sell my freakin' truck.
I suspect there are at least two kinds of people in this world. Some of them make plans and stick to them and others just kind of take the world at the randomness that is inherent in the universe, and then there are some people that are hybrids of the two. It seems that both methods seem to work. Maybe some better than others.
Anyway the only plan I have right now is to try and fall asleep soon.
Money. Part 2
Where Surly Monkey further explores the money/relationship connection. Or not.
It seems that money does dictate what kind of relationships (of the romantic variety) one can have. For myself I can see that one of the reasons I don't date is I just don't have the money to take women out so I don't even ask (obviously that's not the only reason, there is a whole list of insecurities I could rattle off but won't). But to not even have the money for a first date is definitely a drawback. Not to mention, like some commenters in the earlier post, as we get older stability is something all of us are looking for. Whether it be financial, emotional or mental stability we all (or should) move closer to that idea. At this point in my life I'm fine with the last two. Unfortunately, we exist in a world that sometimes the money aspect of stability can override other qualities.
In my own life, I tend to steer clear of those that seem to be obsessed with money. It strikes me as unseemly to have that as the one focus of life. There is more to life than the pursuit of wealth. Having said that, even I would like to have a little more financial assets at my disposal. I'm not really hoping for to much but a savings account would be nice or perhaps even some kind of retirement fund.
As far as the local face of this whole thing, there probably are a lot of women roughly my age around here who are looking for someone with more money than I have or earn. I guess that's fine, more power to them. I doubt rarely if ever I travel in the same circles as them. And I'm sure if I did, the moment they learn where I work, I'm immediately stricken from the potential list. Despite all of my cynicism, I still have some hope that I'll meet that one. Maybe it won't be here in Steamboat and that's fine too, as I don't want to spend my whole life here.
What am I going to do about it? Nothing. I'm going to try enjoy what I have and maybe try to slowly move myself up in life but there is no real point in forcing anything until I get a really good idea anyway.
It seems that money does dictate what kind of relationships (of the romantic variety) one can have. For myself I can see that one of the reasons I don't date is I just don't have the money to take women out so I don't even ask (obviously that's not the only reason, there is a whole list of insecurities I could rattle off but won't). But to not even have the money for a first date is definitely a drawback. Not to mention, like some commenters in the earlier post, as we get older stability is something all of us are looking for. Whether it be financial, emotional or mental stability we all (or should) move closer to that idea. At this point in my life I'm fine with the last two. Unfortunately, we exist in a world that sometimes the money aspect of stability can override other qualities.
In my own life, I tend to steer clear of those that seem to be obsessed with money. It strikes me as unseemly to have that as the one focus of life. There is more to life than the pursuit of wealth. Having said that, even I would like to have a little more financial assets at my disposal. I'm not really hoping for to much but a savings account would be nice or perhaps even some kind of retirement fund.
As far as the local face of this whole thing, there probably are a lot of women roughly my age around here who are looking for someone with more money than I have or earn. I guess that's fine, more power to them. I doubt rarely if ever I travel in the same circles as them. And I'm sure if I did, the moment they learn where I work, I'm immediately stricken from the potential list. Despite all of my cynicism, I still have some hope that I'll meet that one. Maybe it won't be here in Steamboat and that's fine too, as I don't want to spend my whole life here.
What am I going to do about it? Nothing. I'm going to try enjoy what I have and maybe try to slowly move myself up in life but there is no real point in forcing anything until I get a really good idea anyway.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Insomnia part 10
Here it is 3:30 on a school night and I can't sleep once again. I'm really beginning to think that the full moon has something to do with my insomnia (tonight is the full moon). And of course I didn't really drink anything but a glass of wine which is
nowhere near enough to lull me to sleep. Oh well, it's still slow over there at work and I don't have to be there until late.
I spend most of the day cleaning and reorganizing my room. I have a strong tendency to be a slob when it comes to my room so it's good that I'll have a clean one for the next couple of days at least.
In addition to not being able to sleep, I've been feeling really bored lately. The thing is I think I have a lot going on but I'm bored nonetheless. I can't seem to find something that takes all of my attention. And being bored leaves me with nothing to really say here so I just type to make words appear on the screen.
I'm going to try to sleep now.
nowhere near enough to lull me to sleep. Oh well, it's still slow over there at work and I don't have to be there until late.
I spend most of the day cleaning and reorganizing my room. I have a strong tendency to be a slob when it comes to my room so it's good that I'll have a clean one for the next couple of days at least.
In addition to not being able to sleep, I've been feeling really bored lately. The thing is I think I have a lot going on but I'm bored nonetheless. I can't seem to find something that takes all of my attention. And being bored leaves me with nothing to really say here so I just type to make words appear on the screen.
I'm going to try to sleep now.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Money
Apparently I am the perfect guy other than the fact that I'm poor. Or at least that is what I was told tonight. According to the young lady, in every other way other than cash flow I have everything going on. Damn, does that make me fine or what?!? I don't even know what to think.
You know, all these years I've been told it doesn't matter how much money you have. The truth is I'm beginning to question the logic of that. I think it does matter. And I am totally screwed if that is the case because I have no money and the prospect of me earning much more than I already is slim to none. Well unless I hit the lottery but we all know what the odds on that are for that.
It kind of makes me sad to think that the one thing that keeps me from being desirable is the lack of assets. I'm not sure if I'm completely ready to believe it. I suspect my quiet-in-public has more do with it than too many other things. I've tried to get over my shyness but it is a tough thing to do.
I think I'm not going to even bother worrying about something that is at this point beyond my control. Such as the size of my wallet.
Clarification: The young lady who told me this is a friend not a potential other. Just so you know.
You know, all these years I've been told it doesn't matter how much money you have. The truth is I'm beginning to question the logic of that. I think it does matter. And I am totally screwed if that is the case because I have no money and the prospect of me earning much more than I already is slim to none. Well unless I hit the lottery but we all know what the odds on that are for that.
It kind of makes me sad to think that the one thing that keeps me from being desirable is the lack of assets. I'm not sure if I'm completely ready to believe it. I suspect my quiet-in-public has more do with it than too many other things. I've tried to get over my shyness but it is a tough thing to do.
I think I'm not going to even bother worrying about something that is at this point beyond my control. Such as the size of my wallet.
Clarification: The young lady who told me this is a friend not a potential other. Just so you know.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Power up
The power has been restored to all parts of the house finally. Once again I can listen to music as I go to sleep (as long as my ancient CD player will read the damn CD's). I can play my tiny collection of video games, read or even write this thing in bed if I want (I just have to figure out how to make my wireless router secure). Not only that, but the household laundry facilities are online again, no more hanging out at the laundromat.
Thankfully, through all of this we've had heat and hot water. It's really been more of an inconvience more than anything else. An annoying inconvience, but a mere one nonetheless. And now I actually want to clean and organize my room or at least get ready for the upcoming winter which is fast approaching.
Yeah, there's not much meat here tonight but I'm too distracted by the lights and my PS2.
Thankfully, through all of this we've had heat and hot water. It's really been more of an inconvience more than anything else. An annoying inconvience, but a mere one nonetheless. And now I actually want to clean and organize my room or at least get ready for the upcoming winter which is fast approaching.
Yeah, there's not much meat here tonight but I'm too distracted by the lights and my PS2.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Weezer Ya'll
I need to get this out of the way, Weezer writes some of the greatest pop songs ever. And I haven't even heard that much of their new stuff. Somehow I ended up on the Pinkerton album tonight and remembered exactly why I permanently borrowed it from some one (of course I could return it now that I have it ripped into my computer). And I just realized that this album is nine years old. Damn, I'm the old guy. Whatever, it is a great album and Weezer if nothing else knows how to weave a song with some great hooks.
On a completely different note (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). Today I happened how so many of us so-called Northerners seem to use Southern phrases and words in our daily speech. I for one use the word ya'll and I have to say it is a rather convenient word to use. It is truly the missing pronoun in English. All of the other languages have a word for the second person plural. A word my born and raised Detroit friend uses is fixin'. Admittedly he pick this up when he lived in the south. But it is quite handy at times. I still can't bring myself to use it but I understand it's usefulness. I know that there are more such as Coke as a generic word for any soft drink (which we used back in Indy as well and I wrote about a long time ago). I wonder what kind of an accent I have now. Because I can't hear one.
On a completely different note (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). Today I happened how so many of us so-called Northerners seem to use Southern phrases and words in our daily speech. I for one use the word ya'll and I have to say it is a rather convenient word to use. It is truly the missing pronoun in English. All of the other languages have a word for the second person plural. A word my born and raised Detroit friend uses is fixin'. Admittedly he pick this up when he lived in the south. But it is quite handy at times. I still can't bring myself to use it but I understand it's usefulness. I know that there are more such as Coke as a generic word for any soft drink (which we used back in Indy as well and I wrote about a long time ago). I wonder what kind of an accent I have now. Because I can't hear one.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Politics at the copy shop
Some of you that know me may have noticed that I keep my politics out of this here blog. There is a reason for this. In fact I may have said it before, I don't feel I have well thought out political opinions. I waffle between certain sides. There are some things that would put me squarely in the liberal camp (such as universal health care for all Americans) and others that would put me in the conservative camp (mostly gun issues). I suspect this makes me a liberal leaning moderate. And moderates don't really count even though they make up most of the electorate.
This all comes from having talked to my local state senator Jack Taylor a few times in the last month. He is a Republican but a Republican of the old school. He doesn't seem to get himself wrapped up in the social side of conservatism, which I respect immensely. I wouldn't put him in the right-wing camp of his party. Truth be told, I wish I could bend his ear about the direction his party has taken in the last so many years. I suspect he may have some choice words about others in his party if he felt free to speak.
My coworker made the comment that Jack Taylor is true compassionate conservative and I'm inclined to agree with him. Hell, I might even vote for him next time and I never thought I'd vote for that party.
This all comes from having talked to my local state senator Jack Taylor a few times in the last month. He is a Republican but a Republican of the old school. He doesn't seem to get himself wrapped up in the social side of conservatism, which I respect immensely. I wouldn't put him in the right-wing camp of his party. Truth be told, I wish I could bend his ear about the direction his party has taken in the last so many years. I suspect he may have some choice words about others in his party if he felt free to speak.
My coworker made the comment that Jack Taylor is true compassionate conservative and I'm inclined to agree with him. Hell, I might even vote for him next time and I never thought I'd vote for that party.
Gray
This week has been the epitome of mud season. Gray and rainy with a small amount of snow. The snowstorm that made the news didn't hit us but that is usually the case this time of year. Actually up here we don't get the same storm systems that other parts of the state get (it is a big state after all, size wise it's in the top ten). Right now that's fine with me as my mind is so far from winter even though it is quickly approaching. The colors are almost completely gone except for this patch of orange aspens on the hill behind work. I guess the fall colors lasted a decent amount of time, three weeks or so. There have been past falls where the leaves changed and fell within a week and a half.
At one point in time this used to be a slower time of the year. This was the time when people would get the heck out and it Steamboat would take on the appearance of a ghost town. No longer is this the case. Not that I really care although I wish the free bus would run like it does in the winter because it is just a bit wet and cold to be riding bikes at night. Of course, I could just suck it up, it's more the wet that bothers me anyway when riding my bike. Staying home saves money anyway.
It doesn't matter anyway because soon the snow will be flying and I'll have to be into winter now matter what. But the buses will be running late and falling down in the snow is alot softer than the ground.
At one point in time this used to be a slower time of the year. This was the time when people would get the heck out and it Steamboat would take on the appearance of a ghost town. No longer is this the case. Not that I really care although I wish the free bus would run like it does in the winter because it is just a bit wet and cold to be riding bikes at night. Of course, I could just suck it up, it's more the wet that bothers me anyway when riding my bike. Staying home saves money anyway.
It doesn't matter anyway because soon the snow will be flying and I'll have to be into winter now matter what. But the buses will be running late and falling down in the snow is alot softer than the ground.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
The Bottle
It seems I'm a drunk. Not quite an alcoholic but definitely not a teetotaler. When I wake up in the morning I feel better if I've had a drink or two the night before (and I mean just a couple, I still get hangovers if I drink too much), than if I have nothing. I'd imagine it's a bit of a chemical dependency but I sleep better that way. To be honest I don't quite understand it. One would think going to bed sober would make you more alert in the morning but I guess that is not the case with me. That or I need to go for a long time without drinking anything. The thing that scares me is that I drink at home and sometimes alone. And I've been told that is not a good thing.
I guess everyone has their downfalls, apparently mine is a fondness for fermentation in the form of alcohol. The thing is, I barely feel that I abuse it let alone am addicted to it. I've gone nights on end without it but I'd rather have a bit of it before I sleep. Like I've said before maybe it just helps chase the demons of reality away. I don't really think that is the case. There aren't that many demons in my life other than that money thing. And that is a demon we all share (Wow! Capitalism!). Yeah, there is that inability on my part of forming relationships but I suspect some of that is location based.
Truth be told, I'd rather drink at home than invest myself in new relationships that will eventually end in heartbreak for me. I'm too old to go on the prowl for the one night stands anymore and I'm too jaded to think that the next one is sitting at a barstool or booth next to me. On top of that I don't have the resources to meet someone in an exotic locale. Or the energy to carry on a long distance relationship.
So I'll just sit here and drink at home. Not every night. But it helps me sleep.
I guess everyone has their downfalls, apparently mine is a fondness for fermentation in the form of alcohol. The thing is, I barely feel that I abuse it let alone am addicted to it. I've gone nights on end without it but I'd rather have a bit of it before I sleep. Like I've said before maybe it just helps chase the demons of reality away. I don't really think that is the case. There aren't that many demons in my life other than that money thing. And that is a demon we all share (Wow! Capitalism!). Yeah, there is that inability on my part of forming relationships but I suspect some of that is location based.
Truth be told, I'd rather drink at home than invest myself in new relationships that will eventually end in heartbreak for me. I'm too old to go on the prowl for the one night stands anymore and I'm too jaded to think that the next one is sitting at a barstool or booth next to me. On top of that I don't have the resources to meet someone in an exotic locale. Or the energy to carry on a long distance relationship.
So I'll just sit here and drink at home. Not every night. But it helps me sleep.
Rock musings
There is one type of music that totally distracts me from anything I'm doing. That would be music of the heavy variety. If Slayer is playing I am completely incapable of doing anything but banging my head and getting sucked into the pounding that they drop on me (with a bit of hand pumping to boot). I can't help it there is just something about those metal riffs that get me. Maybe all of those fundies were right about the hypnotic power of metal. Although I don't quite feel that way when I listen to Karp and they were freakin' heavy as well but in a different way. Karp has a totally different effect on me even though they fully made use of metal in their work. I just want to bounce around the room and fall down when I listen to them.
In all honesty, I can't listen to that heavier stuff like I used to be able to. These days I prefer my noise in a slower tempo. Maybe that's just part of getting older and what not. I still enjoy metal, don't get me wrong but instead of a fast tempo I'd rather here something discordant. Like Labradford or the more famous Sonic Youth. True noise is where I am some nights. A sonic landscape if you will as opposed to a sonic assault. And of course there are the nights I just want something nice and mellow.
I don't even know where I was going with this. Stupid headphones.
In all honesty, I can't listen to that heavier stuff like I used to be able to. These days I prefer my noise in a slower tempo. Maybe that's just part of getting older and what not. I still enjoy metal, don't get me wrong but instead of a fast tempo I'd rather here something discordant. Like Labradford or the more famous Sonic Youth. True noise is where I am some nights. A sonic landscape if you will as opposed to a sonic assault. And of course there are the nights I just want something nice and mellow.
I don't even know where I was going with this. Stupid headphones.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Sleep, not sleep...no Illuminati here!
It's late and once again I don't want to go to sleep. It's not like there is anything keeping my up, I'm just not ready even though it is almost 4 am.
This is what happens when I get home and jump on the computer for "just a few minutes". I end up looking at Wikipedia for hours. I'm not even going to bother with what I read about tonight as it was mostly conspiracy related and I'm trying not to dwell on that stuff. I can make my own up just as easily.
Of course, everytime I think of a new one I check it out to see if anyone has ever done it before. Invariably, I rarely create a new one. In fact, can't think of one that I've come up with that someone hasn't come up with already. Well, except for maybe the supposed off duty cop that cited my mom for going 50 in a 15 last week. That one sounds fishy to me. I've been a passenger with my mom and I know she doesn't speed like that. In fact, she always hassles me if I even go five over. But still he was off duty. What kind of cop pulls people over for speeding when they're off duty? I'll tell you what kind. The I-70 Killer, that's who! Ok, maybe not quite but damn if I were a cop the last thing I'd want to do is pull people over for speeding when I wasn't working.
Anyway, I think I've worn myself out enough to try to go to bed.
This is what happens when I get home and jump on the computer for "just a few minutes". I end up looking at Wikipedia for hours. I'm not even going to bother with what I read about tonight as it was mostly conspiracy related and I'm trying not to dwell on that stuff. I can make my own up just as easily.
Of course, everytime I think of a new one I check it out to see if anyone has ever done it before. Invariably, I rarely create a new one. In fact, can't think of one that I've come up with that someone hasn't come up with already. Well, except for maybe the supposed off duty cop that cited my mom for going 50 in a 15 last week. That one sounds fishy to me. I've been a passenger with my mom and I know she doesn't speed like that. In fact, she always hassles me if I even go five over. But still he was off duty. What kind of cop pulls people over for speeding when they're off duty? I'll tell you what kind. The I-70 Killer, that's who! Ok, maybe not quite but damn if I were a cop the last thing I'd want to do is pull people over for speeding when I wasn't working.
Anyway, I think I've worn myself out enough to try to go to bed.
Irritated with the masses
Most of the time I like people but there are some days that I am just annoyed by them. The sad things is, mostly they are just doing what they are doing and that it is what annoys me. For instance, I'm almost more annoyed when people come into wherever it is I work when it is a slow day as opposed to a busy day. That and the people who try hang out long after closing. I really can't explain that it (well the campers makes sense). Maybe it's just that on certain days I'm a little more irritable than others. I imagine that is only human. And I am human (as far as I know).
Maybe it's the not having two whole days to rest and what not in the last couple of weeks that is contributing to this irritability I'm feeling. I don't like being this way, I don't like cursing people under my breath and cursing the phone everytime it rings (the one at work that is, my own phone rarely rings). Perhaps I should lay off the sauce but then how would I fall asleep?
If I were to get just enough distance from myself, I might think I was dropping into another bout again. But this time I'm not buying it. This time I think I'm just tired and don't really want to be around a lot of people for a few days. Or at least a lot of people in a formal/work setting. And I don't want to answer any questions unless I want too.
Maybe it's the not having two whole days to rest and what not in the last couple of weeks that is contributing to this irritability I'm feeling. I don't like being this way, I don't like cursing people under my breath and cursing the phone everytime it rings (the one at work that is, my own phone rarely rings). Perhaps I should lay off the sauce but then how would I fall asleep?
If I were to get just enough distance from myself, I might think I was dropping into another bout again. But this time I'm not buying it. This time I think I'm just tired and don't really want to be around a lot of people for a few days. Or at least a lot of people in a formal/work setting. And I don't want to answer any questions unless I want too.
Friday, October 07, 2005
The things you learn...
Generally I'm not one to go into the whole cult of death thing. Even though death is inevitable for all of us, it is not really one topic that I really try to think about. It's kind of depressing.
Having said that, there are a few deaths and forms of death that intrigue me. Cult suicides such as Heaven's Gate, The Order of the Solar Tempus and the People's Temple/Jonestown have always caught my interest. Mostly I think due to the power that lead all of the followers to kill themselves, the mass lack of self-preservation instinct baffles me.
I'm also baffled by public suicide. Apparently the first televised suicide was committed by Christine Chubbuck. There was also Budd Dwyer (which I remember but didn't realize it was that long ago). And the whole suicide by cop baffles me as well.
I hope that when I die, my death is as private as possible and I am surrounded by those I love.
Having said that, there are a few deaths and forms of death that intrigue me. Cult suicides such as Heaven's Gate, The Order of the Solar Tempus and the People's Temple/Jonestown have always caught my interest. Mostly I think due to the power that lead all of the followers to kill themselves, the mass lack of self-preservation instinct baffles me.
I'm also baffled by public suicide. Apparently the first televised suicide was committed by Christine Chubbuck. There was also Budd Dwyer (which I remember but didn't realize it was that long ago). And the whole suicide by cop baffles me as well.
I hope that when I die, my death is as private as possible and I am surrounded by those I love.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Shows?
I may have mentioned that I'm trying to get a photo show together. It just hit me tonight that I have more than 4000 digital photos to go through for this thing (and that's not even counting the 35mm stuff). And I need to whittle this down to ten or fifteen, that in itself is a bit of a chore.
It doesn't help that I'm a slacker in real life. I'm surprised at the amount of work I put into it today to be honest. And that was just getting quotes. The gallery I'm trying to get into wasn't even open when I stopped by today. Goddamn artists.
The truth is I don't consider myself an artist. Putting a show together? I have no idea how to do that. I'm just a guy that takes pictures and 10% of the time I get some really lucky and awesome photos emerge. Of course there are some that I am proud of but so many of them were made by pure chance. There are moments though when I see a shot and I am able to take it. Those are the times that make me wonder if maybe I am more than just an eye behind a camera.
It doesn't help that I'm a slacker in real life. I'm surprised at the amount of work I put into it today to be honest. And that was just getting quotes. The gallery I'm trying to get into wasn't even open when I stopped by today. Goddamn artists.
The truth is I don't consider myself an artist. Putting a show together? I have no idea how to do that. I'm just a guy that takes pictures and 10% of the time I get some really lucky and awesome photos emerge. Of course there are some that I am proud of but so many of them were made by pure chance. There are moments though when I see a shot and I am able to take it. Those are the times that make me wonder if maybe I am more than just an eye behind a camera.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Today is the day (who's album was that?)*
If you don't live here, you probably don't know that we had our first snow today. Which means that soon there will be snow covering the ground. I'm not sure if this really counts as the first snow as there is none on the ground right now. Usually we consider being able to leave a footprint on the courthouse lawn as the first snow (or at least those are the rules for the first snow pool). But there is definitly snow on the hills. Hopefully there is still some there when I get up in the morning so I can take some pictures of it. I managed to get a really good one last fall with snow, changing leaves and an overhanging cloud.
The first time I see snow here I always get a bit excited, seeing it reminds me of why I came here and why I am still here. I did come here to snowboard after all, everything else is just extra. Soon the daydreaming will start as well as the longing for some new gear (I will take donations), like how I could really use a new snowboard but there just isn't the money for it.
After writing this, I'll probably dream about snowboarding through the trees or something tonight. Woo Hoo!
*Oh yeah, I think it was a Youth of Today album. Anyone know? Trickstar?
The first time I see snow here I always get a bit excited, seeing it reminds me of why I came here and why I am still here. I did come here to snowboard after all, everything else is just extra. Soon the daydreaming will start as well as the longing for some new gear (I will take donations), like how I could really use a new snowboard but there just isn't the money for it.
After writing this, I'll probably dream about snowboarding through the trees or something tonight. Woo Hoo!
*Oh yeah, I think it was a Youth of Today album. Anyone know? Trickstar?
Two Sundays, no Saturdays
While I was standing outside smoking a cigarette, I saw a black Mercedes Benz drive by. Being as I live in a trailer park, I can't even imagine why a car like that was driving by at 2:30 am. Well, it is Steamboat but still. Hmmm...
I hate having a single day off. It's like you get two Sundays a week and no Saturdays. I should have gone out but a Wednesday night this time of year is just as exciting as staying home. Not to mention that it is cheaper to stay home. We did watch the Amityville Horror remake tonight. It's passable but much different than the original. The story is pretty much the same but the way it is told is completely different.
This whole remake and TV series movies that Hollywood has been putting out in the last few years is starting to get kind of annoying. I'm not sure if it's due to lack of orginallity on the part of the writers or lack of courge on the part of studio heads. But I suspect it has to more to do with studio heads than writers. Audiences appear to flock to those kinds of movies and not the more edgy ones. All though I imagine more people remember the edgier ones. I can't remember a single scene from Charlies Angels but Office Space is a whole different story. Of course who am I to say anything, I love almost all of the Marvel Comics movies (except for Daredevil, that movie blew and the Hulk was a close second).
Oh yeah, the cow in the previous post was a reference to "Mrs. She-who-will-not-be-named". Just to clear that up. Well that and cows are kind of funny.
I hate having a single day off. It's like you get two Sundays a week and no Saturdays. I should have gone out but a Wednesday night this time of year is just as exciting as staying home. Not to mention that it is cheaper to stay home. We did watch the Amityville Horror remake tonight. It's passable but much different than the original. The story is pretty much the same but the way it is told is completely different.
This whole remake and TV series movies that Hollywood has been putting out in the last few years is starting to get kind of annoying. I'm not sure if it's due to lack of orginallity on the part of the writers or lack of courge on the part of studio heads. But I suspect it has to more to do with studio heads than writers. Audiences appear to flock to those kinds of movies and not the more edgy ones. All though I imagine more people remember the edgier ones. I can't remember a single scene from Charlies Angels but Office Space is a whole different story. Of course who am I to say anything, I love almost all of the Marvel Comics movies (except for Daredevil, that movie blew and the Hulk was a close second).
Oh yeah, the cow in the previous post was a reference to "Mrs. She-who-will-not-be-named". Just to clear that up. Well that and cows are kind of funny.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Cows...and cows?
Sorry kids, I know I've been rather boring lately. Yup, it seems like I've been mailing it in. And I have. One great part of being me is that wonderful Protestant guilt I get when I've been a total ass.
So I walked into work today and what do I get? "Hi, hippie!" Now all of you and god knows I am quite far from a hippie. Maybe when I was sporting the long hair that could be an appropriate greeting but I keep that stuff short now (it's too much of a pain to stay long, among other things). Of course it came from Mrs. "She who will not be named" so why should I care. But still. Hippie?! What the fuck is that?
I know politically I come down on the left side of a lot of things (other than the 2nd Amendment stuff, oh yeah and the 1st). But this woman has never heard me announce any sort of political position, other than possibly my displeasure with the current White House administration (and I am far from the only one). But I truly doubt that makes me a hippie.
In fact there is one truly conservative value I think I've developed at least on the local level (although it is purely out of spite). I want to see this valley get so built over that all of the charm is lost. Because that is the moment it becomes
affordable for everyone else. The day that all you can see is suburbia here in this valley is not a moment too soon. Strip malls with riverside property? Sweet! Your view is blocked? Build something bigger, please. And by all means built lot's of new retail space that local businesses can no longer afford, because dammit I'm itching for some franchises and chain stores!
Anyway, what do I care? I'm out of here soon enough.
So I walked into work today and what do I get? "Hi, hippie!" Now all of you and god knows I am quite far from a hippie. Maybe when I was sporting the long hair that could be an appropriate greeting but I keep that stuff short now (it's too much of a pain to stay long, among other things). Of course it came from Mrs. "She who will not be named" so why should I care. But still. Hippie?! What the fuck is that?
I know politically I come down on the left side of a lot of things (other than the 2nd Amendment stuff, oh yeah and the 1st). But this woman has never heard me announce any sort of political position, other than possibly my displeasure with the current White House administration (and I am far from the only one). But I truly doubt that makes me a hippie.
In fact there is one truly conservative value I think I've developed at least on the local level (although it is purely out of spite). I want to see this valley get so built over that all of the charm is lost. Because that is the moment it becomes
affordable for everyone else. The day that all you can see is suburbia here in this valley is not a moment too soon. Strip malls with riverside property? Sweet! Your view is blocked? Build something bigger, please. And by all means built lot's of new retail space that local businesses can no longer afford, because dammit I'm itching for some franchises and chain stores!
Anyway, what do I care? I'm out of here soon enough.
Monday, October 03, 2005
Somewhere south
As much as I moan about my situation living here the one thing I can't let myself forget is how beautiful it really is. Growing up a flatlander an having only seen the mountains of Pennsylvania before moving here, I'm still awestruck by the scenery around here. Especially if I'm able to get out of town and go somewhere new.
Even after eleven years of living out here, I'm still blown away by the rugged beauty of the mountains. And I still get this sense of insignificance when looking at these ancient formations (and to think the Rockies are young by geological age).
I know I've allowed myself to be blinded of the beauty here lately. I'll just have to remember to keep my eyes open more often.
Even after eleven years of living out here, I'm still blown away by the rugged beauty of the mountains. And I still get this sense of insignificance when looking at these ancient formations (and to think the Rockies are young by geological age).
I know I've allowed myself to be blinded of the beauty here lately. I'll just have to remember to keep my eyes open more often.
Mellow
Well that was a short weekend. The schedule was screwy last week and this coming week, so I had to work this Saturday and next(hopefully that ends soon). Making today catch-up-on-stuff day. So back to the laundromat again among other things. Yeah I know real exciting.
It's been a couple of days since I put anything up here as seems to be the case on weekends lately. One somewhat interesting thing is shortly before midnight on Friday we had a light earthquake 15 miles ENE of Steamboat. It was only a 4.1 so all it really did was shake the house. Once again I thought someone had slammed into the house (there was a similar one about six years ago).
Other than that things have been really mellow around here. We are quickly entering a slower time of the year. As the days get shorter and the nights get colder, there aren't that many people from out of town around other than hunters. Very soon it'll be to cold to ride bikes at night and I'll be forced to stay at home that much more. But then it'll snow and I'll be riding again.
It's been a couple of days since I put anything up here as seems to be the case on weekends lately. One somewhat interesting thing is shortly before midnight on Friday we had a light earthquake 15 miles ENE of Steamboat. It was only a 4.1 so all it really did was shake the house. Once again I thought someone had slammed into the house (there was a similar one about six years ago).
Other than that things have been really mellow around here. We are quickly entering a slower time of the year. As the days get shorter and the nights get colder, there aren't that many people from out of town around other than hunters. Very soon it'll be to cold to ride bikes at night and I'll be forced to stay at home that much more. But then it'll snow and I'll be riding again.
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